DH and I finally had some time alone and I had some relevations...
We went and had dinner in a really neat place out in the country. They are building all these homes and have a small downtown area. Horseback riding, a farm. It is a self-sustaining community. The houses were lofts and some small houses and some very neat architecture homes overlooking small lakes and woods. Everything really eclectic and very cool. Not one house looked the sames. It is 25 minutes from our house. When it is more developed, I want to sell my house and move there. My son will be off to college in less than two yeas and SS13 will be right behind. I work from home. DH works 2 minutes from our house. I raved about it. It is exactly what I would want. Everything in walking distance...
DH basically said no he would not drive to work. I called him spoiled. I used to drive downtown for work and understand a commute. I basically said look when my kid is off to college, there is nothing keeping me here. I am done with this town and running into SD and BM and all their friends. I am not putting myself through it. My son is going to school in a large city and I could move there easily. He says no, he is not leaving until he retires. He will be 45 at that time. Sorry, but I am adamant when SS is gone, I am too. He can either sell his house and come with or I am going alone. I am done...
Needless to say this went over like a lead balloon...But, I have been warning him about my feelings about staying in this house. This was their house. I have remodeled some and completely re-done it, but it is still their house. He wouldn't think of selling and going smaller or moving into my house. So I will do it. My mother who lives here in our town, will eventually move in with my sister 30 minutes away. I will barely see her, so she is not a reason to stay. DH would be it.
Why should I continue to reside in a place just for a house and a husband? I can afford it with selling my house and by then the housing market will have rebounded by at least 20% in this area. So I will do pretty good with the sale.
Am I wrong for thinking that at the point that SS is gone that I should not live where I want. I am willing to stay until he finishes HS as he has no relationship with his mom at all. But as I told him, I do not want to get to the end of my life and regret staying somewhere where I wasn't happy.
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I don't blame you. If I had
I don't blame you. If I had been making all the sacrifices all along by living somewhere I didn't want to, etc., because of his kid...then after all that he told me that he couldn't make ONE sacrifice for me and drive 25 min. to work (sorry, but wah, effing wah. Most people commute at LEAST that long to work), I would go by myself too! What a butt head!
I really need to hear this
I really need to hear this from you guys. Because he was making me feel like I was wrong. I have to put it that way that I made the sacrifice to live here in her house for the last two and half years. His turn...
My SO and I lived about 40
My SO and I lived about 40 miles apart, but with traffic takes a good hour to drive. For a year he drove back and forth 3-4x week to see me, would spend the night and make the long drive back to work in the morning, put gas/miles on his car, etc. I lived in a big city and rode public transportation most of the time, as I didn't need a vehicle, so going to see him was a huge PITA.
After a year, I picked up and rented a house down in his city. I now commute almost an hour each way to work (luckily I have a fun carpool). I figured it was completely fair after all the driving and time he had spent in the last year to see me and keep our relationship going. It was MY turn to make the sacrifice, and since his town is cheaper, I was able to rent a cute little house with a big yard for my dog, for the same price I was paying for my apartment before. Do I hate the commute? Of course, but I love my SO and being in a committed relationship means compromising. And it was my turn to compromise.
It is almost your DH's turn to compromise. It's his turn to make YOU happy.
Put your foot down. He's
Put your foot down. He's asking you to live where he wants while SS is finishing school. When SS is done, you should be able to ask him to live where you want. This is not unreasonable.
I also live in a home that
I also live in a home that was DH's and the ex, and as soon as my kids are in college I am OUT of there. I am only staying this long because they are in high school and I don't want to change their schools.
If DH didn't want to go, he could stay there alone. I have done my duty.
Ok we own a company and we
Ok we own a company and we lived about 5 or 6 minutes away from it. I moved in with DH but it didn't feel like home so I picked a house sorta in the country. Its about 25 minutes from where we used to live. Its a beautiful town with nice farms and great school district for the kids. ANd just far enough away from BM (she had moved in across the street from us is why I wanted to move)
He has NOT let me live it down that he has this LONG commute. We go to war over it and we never fight. I can't even bring up the subject because he just goes on and on and on about when theres traffic it takes him an hour or more and its not fair. He is tired and doesn't feel like driving and he can't just pop home during the day anymore. I mean you would have thought we moved 3 hours away the way he is talking.
Now when he is on his way home I don't call him and ask where he is because it starts the whole thing over again. I kind of regret moving even though I love it here. Just sick of him complaining!
Only when he is in a good mood does he admit that he likes where we live! Geez!
Get him some books on tape.
Get him some books on tape.
I haven't but, we did discuss
I haven't but, we did discuss it last night, or rather I told him...I am leaving this town as soon as SS13 is in school. You can either come with or not, but I am going. I will give you these next 4 years and then I will expect you to make a sacrifice for me. I live in her home and I will not continue after that since there is no reason. I sacrificed and lived here for you, I will expect you to do the same for me...He just looked at me and left it alone. I think he knows I am not kidding anymore and if he continues to argue, it will just make the decision earlier for me. My Son is a Junior and will be gone soon and honestly, if he doesn't start getting that I don't have to stay, I choose to, he is going to push me out faster...
Also, getting really tired of running into people in this town that know or think they know the situation. I see a bunch of teens and automatically get my guard up thinking it could be SD15. I will do this for four more years and then I am gone...
If he wants to stay it is fine, maybe we can still have a relationship, but I doubt it....Really a 25 minute drive is probably all it would be if I moved to this community or into the city.