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Condo Debate &The Kids

Jilly's picture

Thank you to all who gave advice on my previous blog.

I had a discussion with my husband last night about our housing situation.

My husband has come up with two proposals:

One is that his daughter can buy the condo. We will both be able to live in it. He (and I) can live there till he passes with no conditions other than paying the property taxes, utilities and general maintenance costs. Should I remain single, I could live in the house until I pass. If I remarry or enter into a long term partnership, it would be expected that I move out. The condo will revert to his daughter should we both pass, or I remarry. This way we can both keep our saving for living costs. He would not expect me to pay for any house taxes or maintenance costs as I don't do so now. He also has a small life insurance for me should he predecease me. I would be responsible for all property taxes, utilities, maintenance costs afterwards.

Two is that we buy a small condo together. This would require a contribution from both of us. He would still pay the property taxes and utilities. This will significantly impact my retirement savings. He is able to buy the condo on his own, but as a joint venture, he is looking at me to provide 20% of the cost. This ratio has to do with our savings for retirement. He would leave me the condo in event of his death, but most likely reduce the life insurance because of the upfront cost of buying a house.

I can't help feeling that it is all about money to these people (my husband and his daughter). Although he can afford to buy the condo on his own, he is looking at me to provide some capital. Is he correct to do this?

Another issue we spoke about is the size of the new house. He is looking at two bedrooms. One for us and one for me to use as a sewing room. He doesn't want a guest bedroom at all. He says we don't need it. I disagree. I enjoy having my grandchildren stay over. Or being able to provide a room for a guest. My husband doesn't want the kids or grandkids staying over. Yes, we do live in the same town but it is part of my family's tradition to stay over or have the grandkids over. I really do love spending time with the grandchildren and I feel hurt they won't be able to stay over with us. At present they are staying over on a regular basis and we have some summer vacation time with my grandchildren.

Also, at the moment my son is staying with us. He is in process of getting divorced and my husband and I took him in until he is on his feet again with his own home. He is with us for three months only and during this time he has to find a place of his own and set it up. If anything happens in future we won't be able to help the children with a roof over their heads. My husband is not bothered the children may need a place to stay. All he says is that they should have their own homes. It may be the attitude he wants to take with his children but it's not one I want to adopt with mine.

Any advice and comments you have will be appreciated. Thank you kindly.


Disneyfan's picture

I agree.

If this is real, it looks like OP is looking for a free meal ticket. Why would any adult have an issue with helping to paying for the home she lives in?

No wonder the SD wants 5o sell the other house. The woman allowed her dad to stay in the house. He married and moves in his new wife. FINE. The wife then moves in her grown ass son into the SD's house. NOT FINE

Jilly's picture

We can find a nice condo with amenities for the grandchildren. It's always nice to have them over and have them play together, both mine and his grandchildren.

It's good other people think I am getting a fair deal. I never handled the finances with my deceased husband and all the money talk feels a little bit vulgar. The advice I got yesterday opened my eyes to things I did not think about.

My son has saved for his rental deposit and some appliances. He will move out into his new apartment at the end of this month. I worry about all the children.

I don't have time to make up stories like Crew or Calling Crew. If I did it would be about how much I love my middle step daughter and how kind she is. That is a made up story or a different story about how she bashes and abuses me, which would be a tall story too. I am sorry I don't have a dramatic story about the horrible children in my life to be accepted by you.

twoviewpoints's picture

Let me guess. This is the same adult son and his kids that you were living in their home with when you married your husband.

No wonder SD is selling the home she owns. You're running a hotel for your grown kids with the money she gave her father to allow him to remain in the family home. Much easier to see now why husband is hot on buying a small condo...oh, and one with no guest room.

I'm still not a believer, but I'll chip in my two cents anyway. Look you're sixty-two years old and married one lousy year. Yet you don't seem to understand why your husband would expect you to assist helping purchase living quarters. Not just living quarters for the two of you but one large enough for a sewing room for you AND a guest room for overnight guest (the very ones who have already worn out their welcome in the current home husband's daughter owns). *rolling eyes* Now I get why the woman wants no part of you and why you begrudge her for being a hard working well to do young woman...because she's not willing to support father in his older years AND you and your grown son. Support and assist her father? Yes, sure, she's been very very generous with her father. Support you? No. The woman even then was kind and generous enough to offer to look after a living quarters as in a condo for Dad and you to live in so as not to dig into retirement savings. Yet you were spitting nails yesterday about her.

Actually, if DH buys the condo without his daughter doing it for him, you need to pay more than 20% investment. It is you that desires the bigger space to accommodate guest (that husband doesn't want there nor need space for). You want two extra rooms he doesn't want or need. And you want assurance the condo will be yours to live in for life.

It's likely to be a real hoot at the end of the month when SD arrives to discuss buying the condo.

luv2luv's picture

So now we know why the SD wants to buy a smaller place for her dad. She really seems to be looking out for her father, making sure that the OP's kids and grandkids do not take advantage of him. He is technically an adult so it's upto him whether or not he lets the OP and her family take advantage of him but he's lucky that he has a daughter looking out for him.

I honestly don't understand how the OP wants a free ride. I have a uterus therefore I shouldn't contribute to the household and when you die I should get everything. Seems fair.