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Fought with DH

JennyBunnyjj's picture

What a horrible night. SS is like a fly that buzzes around your swat at it and it still comes back. The most annoying human being I have ever met. Once the kids were in bed (SS irritated me ALL day) I told DH that, basically his child is annoying, I cant stand him, Im sorry but that's the truth. DH says" well i claim your son but you don't claim mine, you never have" : well ss has been in my life for 3 yrs and has been BAD and obnoxious the entire time! SO we argued for a good hour trying to get each other to see our points. I made it clear that im not the one with the issue, the kid IS the issue. Once again DH says, I won custody of him, im not giving him up, I dont want to give you up either so basically you're gonna have to deal with it. Dh said that he no longer listens to me when I complain about SS, he blocks me out so he doesnt get mad. *great to know* SS has me agitated 24-7, I have severe anxiety attacks, got on 2 anti-depressants, distance myself as best I can from him as to not strangle him...I dont even know who i AM anymore. DH was like talking to a wall last night. I was PISSED. He grew up in a blended dysfunctional family. His stepbrother was just like SS, tore the family apart until he was he should know what im going through. I grew up with one brother and we got along. DH seems subconciously jealous possibly. DH acts like Im the one with the problem because I let SS have to much power over my feelings and "I" "let" it affect my feelings towards him I told DH that most women would have left by now! ended with me tearing up, voice cracking..i took off upstairs ( it was 10 pm)and took a sleeping pill so I could be asleep before DH came to bed because I didnt wanna have to see his face for the rest of the night- DH and I love each other and have a good marriage aside from the stress SS is causing. YES a child/(kids) can ruin your marriage, if you think otherwise you are foolish


SMof2Girls's picture

Ugh so sorry to hear this Jenny Sad

Do you watch SS during the day? Or does he go to daycare?

JennyBunnyjj's picture

currently he is home all day with me. I worked full time and both kids were in daycare until 6pm 5 days a week. That stopped a year ago when I had a baby. I reaaaallly want another day job again. To get away from ss during the day, but then id have to be away from the baby, im not ready for that yet. Thanks for being supportive. It feels like the people on this website are the only ones who truly understand

StarStuff's picture

I get the annoying kid thing. I'm pretty sure SD is ADHD, but FDH will not go get her tested for it. I made him promise me that if he ever went back to working nights (when I would be there alone with her) that he would have her tested so that if she is ADHD we can get her treated and I won't be left wanting to bash my head into a wall. She's a good kid, but a hard kid. Anyway, long story short: he went back to working multiple nights/week and has yet to even look into getting her tested. I just don't get why these guys won't take our feelings seriously?! I guess for me it's b/c I set up my expectations, but when it comes down to it and he doesn't meet them I don't do anything about it.

JennyBunnyjj's picture

oh my gosh..I think SS has ADHD but DH got offended when his mother brought up getting him tested. My mother in law is the main coddler and acts like ss is perfect and can do no wrong so when she finally admitted he has behavior problems and she thought he had ADHD i was floored. Someone flicked her lightbulb ON

JennyBunnyjj's picture

that's EXACTLY how i feel too. Im already on marriage #2 and i mean to grow old with DH ..we can kick SK's out at 18 legally. Its hard to hold on while being miserable all those years especially if the SK's aren't that old. SK's please fall down a well already ( not that we'd be that lucky)

starfish's picture

or get hit by a bus.

i daydream for hours about the endless possibilities and also conclude that i couldn't be that lucky.

i know it's probably not the healthiest way to handle the situations called PITA skids, but i'm only human! }:-)

Myself's picture

I think that when people start telling the parents that their precious kid may have disorders such as ADHD and the parents continue to deny it and refuse to get them tested, these parents are failing their own kid and putting pressure on the whole family as a result.

I understand why he wouldn't want to give the kid up, he's his father after all, but why does he refuse to get him tested? Because he feels "offended"? What is there to be offended about?

Tell him to screw whatever stigma he may think is attached to these types of disorders, that he needs to start accepting reality and stopping living in lala land.

JennyBunnyjj's picture

but also we have to remember that not ALL kids who have behavior problems or that are hyper have ADD or ADHD. Sometimes we just need an acceptable excuse for why our kids are plain BAD. I sure hope I can get SS tested for ADHD but i can't just take him to the dr if DH will cause an argument..He doesnt want SS drugged up ( I DO)! lol

Myself's picture

ADHD is the most commonly studied and diagnosed psychiatric disorder in children, affecting about 3 to 5 percent of children globally. Now there are also many other types of disorders that children may have. If the kid is as bad as you say, then there's a strong possibility that he has something. I refuse to believe that children are born evil.

Him having a disorder is not going to excuse his behaviour but it may be the first step towards "fixing" him.

Unfortunately, yes, you can't do anything in this situation. Your husband has to make that choice.