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Ever want to divorce your spouse and start over?

Overit1960's picture

Ever want to just say *&^% it, I'm outta here!!! You can have your nasty child and her nasty ways all to yourself and just leave?

We moved to a home that that far from SD36 -- so we could actually see the skids grow up. There has been no contact since the blow up last spring, and I'm like, this is NUTS! Nice house.... nice area.... but I'm not happy. Not the area of my choosing.

Redoing our wills... and naturally he wants everything to go to that F'in SD36 and her kids. I have no children... and I want my charities as my "share." So she gets everything for no participation in his life?? and holding back the skids from him??

Many days I feel this is not what I want for my life, this dysfunctional BS. I am thinking of divorcing him and taking my half out of the front end, and starting over to see if there is a chance I can meet a guy with no kids and no baggage. Or normal kids (if they actually exist). The amount of hatred I feel for that girl is positively frightening to me. DH told me that eventually things will aaaaallll work out (right...) and I said NO they won't, I don't want her in my house every again or in my life... and frankly... I have no respect for this man I married who allows his daughter to treat him like that and me like that. And who participated in the upbringing of such a disrespectful and self absorbed piece of garbage.

Would I be happier alone? Starting fresh? Possibly.

Last In Line's picture

So...if he dies first you're left out? I would have a serious problem with that.
DH and I did our wills splitting things between surviving spouse and kids...in his case, I get almost an equal share with the two skids, in my case, he gets 1/2 of a child's portion (at this time that is 1/7th). Once the kids have all launched, we will be reworking things a little, to increase the spouses shares.

Overit1960's picture

No... if he dies first, I would get "everything" but when I die everything goes to her & her brats... I have worked my butt off, and have contributed significantly to our "lifestyle" and I have a 401K. I want to leave money to a few charities... but he says "family" should come first. make me puke... we are in a pretty big fight on this one.

Overit1960's picture

I have no family. That is the problem. So he thinks everything should go to his daughter and her brats.

Disneyfan's picture

Why can't you have your money go to the charities of your choice and his money go to his family?

cindefreakinrella's picture

YESSSSSSSSSSS, yes and hell yes! to saying f this..I'm out! lol
My step daughter is such a spoiled brat. I don't know how kids normally are, but she is sweet one day and a heartless, unruly freak the next. I have her for an ENTIRE WEEK at a time. I've come to dread the day she is coming to our house and her Dad can't wait. I feel left out and isolated. I told her Dad..he says "Oh, she's just a kid" "you're treating her like an adult" bla bla bla defending the kid. I'm so sick of it

ldvilen's picture

Venting. A-h-h-h. Yes, somedays I wouldn't mind a do-over. A couple of things come to mind. DH is her bio-parent, and yes, as a bio-parent sometimes you have to suck it up and take it. I want to quickly add, though, that step-parents should never be expected to suck it up and take it. NEVER. As far as DH saying eventually things will all work out, maybe they will and maybe they won't. Probably won't. I'd say focus on your marriage, if you want to still be married to him (and I'm pretty sure you do), and let him deal with his daughter as much as possible. If he wants to see her fine, and if he wants to even leave her his 1/2, fine. I'm in a similar situation with my husband and his skids. It is hard to see them ignore or mistreat their father, but who knows how much BM has poisoned the well, or what has gone on behind our backs. Of course, DH still loves them and wants a relationship with them, which is fine and which I encourage. However, they ain't gonna' be going after and humiliating me. So, DH can go to his skids-family events alone, etc. I've seen enough evidence over the years to know that when he is around skids and their mother, they all feel he has to play the "husband" role with his ex-. So, fine. DH gets to go to all of those things by himself, which he hates, but too bad. I've removed myself from that or disengaged, to an extent. And, to me disengaging means if DH wants to have a relationship with them, leave them 1/2 his money, fine. On the other hand, for pretty much all other events involving his skids, I get to do what I want to do. If I feel like going, I go. If I don't, I don't. Doesn't matter what the event is. The choice is mine. I don't care what DH or anyone else thinks. DH and I love each other, and there is that one pesky problem involving where his balls are located everytime his ex- and skids are around. But, other than that. . . .

Andie91801's picture

I'm with you Skeeter. DH told Skids that he left everything to me so SD made sure I promise to leave something to hear. I promise I will leave "something to her" after her father pass away...I'll leave her a book with all the copy of her nasty text messages that she's sent to DH thru out the years. }:)

A.

thinkthrice's picture

You and I are in the same age group! I guess that's one thing I DON'T have to worry about. Chef is eight years younger than me, has still whoppingly high CS and not a pot to piss in nor a window to through it out of.

I do have a "secret" will (I am not married to Chef nor will be) that splits everything I have down the middle between my two grown bios. There's no way in HELL I'd ever give one cent to Chef who showed me his true colours a loooooonnnnnnng time ago. That he was another one of those guilty/disney dads who was scared shitless of the BM and kept kissing his three kid's arses. And there's no way one cent of my money would go once again to supporting those PASed out skids who beer bonged the BM and her family's poison.

Oh and that "their just kids" crap. Or "you're the adult here" or "they're shy" "they're late bloomers" to excuse both rudeness and failing in school. :sick: :sick: :sick:

sandye21's picture

You and me both. DH is 3 years older than me but before we got married he 'hinted' that he made a lot more than he did. It was not until almost a year after that I found out. I supported him while he put SD through college - thought it was my wifely duty to help out. At one point in out marriage I was having such a stressful time with my employer that I wanted to quit. My doctor wanted me to take a week off but DH pulled a fit and told me to go back to work or they would think I was nuts. On top of that was being repeatedly thrown under the bus when SD was being obnoxious. DH has had a history of not really being there for me.

DH never DID make anywhere near what he 'hinted' he did, nor did he save much money because for so many years he was placing funds into SD's bank account when she was making much, much more than he was. One time a SIL made a comment about how my money was going to go to SD. I looked at her like she was absolutely nuts and said, "I'd rather give it to charity." No, I have no intention of leaving anything for either SD or DH. S00000 ---- I have designated a charity as my beneficiary.

The original question was, "Ever want to divorce your spouse and start over?" You betcha!! At this point in time we are doing pretty good. He can go visit her whenever he wants but she is not to enter our home. In my life SD does not exist. I do not ask, he doesn't talk about her. But if he ever wants to go back to the way it was before SD's last meltdown I will not hesitate to call it quits.

Overit1960's picture

I have considered this and am working hard on what I want to do, hobbies, etc., and finding my path. I think the next 18 months will tell... Not focusing on pleasing him, etc., as I had been for the last many years.

It's my turn... thinking about going to Vegas with a girlfriend. Not to gamble, but I have never been there and have always wanted to see it.

Overit1960's picture

He's NOT miserable! He has everything his way! I'm the one who is not 100% happy... or ever close to it. May be 50%.

Less some days.

notasm3's picture

No I have never thought that. Which is a probably a good thing for DH because I most certainly would have taken action on it.

AVR1962's picture

I have thought it many many times. Geesh, I have been with my husband for 26 years and one of the very first things that happened when husband and I were dating is that one of husband's sisters "worried" that I might just be looking for financial support for me and my daughters. Are you freakin serous? Like I would go thru all the hassle of a step family and helping raise his sons for the sake of a roof over my head? Let's be real!! Then a picture was taken and one for the boys had a melt down that morning and it showed in the pictures. The response was "why" was he so unhappy and I felt that pointed right at me. I was to make those boys happy and to treat them not as my own but as princes!!!! Problems with husband's ex who could not allow for her sons to love anyone but her. Husband didn't want to step to the parent plate and take care of his children so I shoulders far more than my share. The hatred for these children was enormous, they were rude, hateful and disrespectful which my husband allowed. I was like I spent my life fighting for what was mine and what was right for me. It has caused a great deal of hurt in our marriage. I no longer have a relationship with either of the boys or any of my husband's side of the family.

I have stayed for my little family that we created, we have one child together and well, this is my family now.

Is there any reason why you cannot leave your part to charity in your Will? I just changed my Will earlier this month after 10 years no contact with oldest SS. I finally after all these years took my SSs out of my Will. You do not have to leave anything to anyone you do not want to and youa nd your husband do not have to agree. What is yours is rightfully yours to decide what you want to do with.

Ruby55's picture

Yes, I want out of this ridiculous situation all the time, fantasize about how it would feel to have a normal life! I may do it!

hereiam's picture

It sounds like he is expecting you to share your retirement funds and support him.

My DH will have less in retirement than me but since he does not support his grown daughters and throw money at them, I am okay with helping him out. I would NOT be okay with that if he let his kids mooch of of him.

sandye21's picture

Please reconsider moving in until all of those 'exaggeration' issues are resolved. I only wish I had held off marrying DH like you are, but I had no idea my DH had 'exaggerated' until a year after we got married. The feeling of financial betrayal has never gone away. For many years I wondered if he married me for financial convenience. It has been 24 years and I still do not have the respect for him that I would have had if her had been truthful in the first place. We seemed to have worked it out somewhat though I have made sure my savings will never end up in SD's hands.

sandye21's picture

Good for you! SD will always be the miniwife. If you marry him the situation will only get worse, and you will be paying for part of that sports car. Good luck & (((HUGS)))