Will this deed go unpunished?
Background: since the skids, BS and DH have barely been able to remember much less put in effort toward me for a holiday I have decided to do the same. So I have said nothing to them about presents for anyone. I gave BS one reminder but no ideas since I do have an agreement with XH that if an ex is not married/living with someone then the other ex helps remind BS about important holidays since there isn’t another person to do it.
Yesterday BS contacted me because he found out XH had already bought himself the thing that BS bought for him as a present. BS asked for help. Luckily in under an hour we had found other things and BS can return the original gift this week.
If I were a betting person I’d say this good deed will be punished. Somehow it will be bad that I helped BS and not the skids. (Oh and DH is envious of my decent relationship with XH so that may figure in.) It will not matter that I did not help until asked. It will not matter that the skids never asked me for help. It will only matter that I didn’t help the skids. And if I say anything about past holidays and how I’ve been forgotten it will be conveniently thrown at me that we shouldn’t dwell on the past.
May my present be that this doesn’t happen.
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Comments
I am not really sure
I am not really sure how this would even come up in conversation with your DH. Are you obligated to tell him about such a basic thing that you helped your child with? He asked you for help getting his father a gift and you did it. You didn't personally deliver the gift while wearing lingerie and a smile! That his kids did not ask you for help and that he can not get along with his ex is hardly your fault. If he doesn't like his own relationship statuses then he can take steps to fix them. What does he expect you to do? Sabotage yours so that he feels better?
Forgot to mention
I was cooking so had BS on speaker phone plus he can here since the help he asked was for me to go along to help him with ideas. DH was around so he saw it all happen.
I didn’t pay for anything and it’s not like I know XH so well I knew exactly what to get. It’s more that the skids haven’t gone to the same effort (maybe they did this Xmas, big maybe) and if DH gets a lame gift he may be jealous
That sounds like
That sounds like his problem if he raised inconsiderate kids who don't care about him enough to put thought into a gift. He can pout or he can do something about it. My DH did something similar. He felt it was inappropriate to "demand" a good gift from his children but then felt hurt when they blew him off. I tried for years to explain to him that teaching them how to treat him was teaching them how to treat other people later in their lives. Same with treating me well while they were watching would teach them how their future spouses should be treated. He never grasped that concept. But then he pouted. A large part of my disengagement was learning to turn off my automatic "let me fix it" instinct toward him and turn it into "Tough toenails buddy. You created this situation and you can fix it!"