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New & Need Advice!!

InstaMommy's picture

Soo, I am new to this & have never really written a blog before, so here goes.
I'm 24 & recently married with 2 SC. 1 SS who is almost 4 & 1 SD who is 2. I don't even know where to start I'm so upset. I will try my best. I am a full time student and my husband works full time. My SK's live in another state about 3 hours away. We get them 1 week out of the month, most of the time. Sometimes when BM needs time we have them longer. Right now we have had them about 3 weeks. Just depends. My husband pays CS. BM has parental rights & he basically has visitation. I have tried very hard to get along with DM & we do a pretty good job, no fighting, I just try to stay out of my husbands and her business. The way I see it they do have 2 children & a past so that is just that. Let me start this by saying I do love my SC very much, and I am trying the best that I know how. Okay this is the major issue. I think that my SS has Autism. He is very hard to handle & his sister is now starting to pick up on his bad habits. He is almost 4. He does not speak, except for the occasional babble. Loud screams, fits for no reason. Recently has started to pull poop out of his diaper (not yet potty trained) and I have checked on him during "naps" and his has a handful of poop he has been playing with. He is an extremely picky eater & we dread dinner time at our house. He throws fits about anything and everything. It is constant. I am lost on what to do. BM does not think there is a problem and DH thinks there is one but will not do anything about it. BTW I am the one dealing with the children when they are here becuase my husband constantly works to keep us from going under. Both of the kids have other issues as well. Their teeth are horrible. SS has probably 3 cavities that we just found & DM says that she brushes teeth. He also had to have front teeth replaced because they basically rotted out when he was younger. Now SD has the same problem. I am not one to tell other people how to raise their children, I just feel like I should do something, maybe not. I don't know. I have tried to get him into speech therapy but BM is not on board. I am just stressed to no end. I need some support & advice on this.


happymostly's picture

Something definitely needs to be done about your ss. My littlest brother in law (5 yrs old) has the same behavior as you describe your ss. Speech problems, wasnt potty trained until 5 and he still wears pullups to school. He is very unruly and gets angry very easily, definitely not how my MIL raised him as she has 4 other boys lol but he cant help it. He is in a special school and they are teaching him sign language and how to say words properly, he has calmed down alot due to his school and the school has given my MIL plenty of resources on how to handle his special needs. Your dh defintely needs to get him evaluated oh I forgot to say that he is autistic. Maybe you could go to a website that has all the behaviors of autistic children on it and show it to your dh? Anf welcome to this website!!

Rags's picture

Welcome, I hope you find this a good place to vent, contribute and to pick up some useful advice from others who are living the blended family dream.

Now, GET THE SKIDS TO A DOCTOR AND THERAPIST WHO CAN Dx THEIR PROBLEMS. If their teeth are rotting out of their heads it is time for your DH to nail BMs ass to the wall and go for full custody. If BM can't care for them well enough to keep their teeth from rotting out of their heads, toilet train a 4yo, keep them from turd fishing in their diapers, and get them the help they need to develop as normally as possibly then their Dad needs to take BM out of the picture as much as possible.

I understand how hard it is to parent young children while you are growing in a young marriage and going to school. We married a few months after I finished my undergrad. She went on to finish hers while I was in grad school and we traded the kid off at a drop in day care where she would drop him on her way to class and I would pick him up on my way home from work. He and I did kid/dad time for a couple of hours every evening before he went to bed and I hit the books for my MBA. I did my MBA on line so that my wife could finish her undergrad. My wife finished her undergrad, an MBA and eventually her CPA. All while we tag teamed on raising our son (my SS). Not easy but we had a lot of fun.

SS is now 18 and I have been dad since he was 1yo. He is not a special needs kid, just a monster PITA some times. As most kids are when then get in to their teens.

Welcome again, and good luck.

Best regards,

InstaMommy's picture

Thank you so much I got up this morning hoping someone had answered me back. Thats how much I need to vent I guess. My DH is scared of stepping on BM toes I think. He does not want to cause problems. I just don't understand why. I have also tried to show him things on Autism. He does not want to hear anything about it. He will listen, then does nothing. That is why I am so frustrated. I almost feel, as bas as it is to say, that I am done fighting a fight that is not mine. I feel like I am my SS only advocate in this. It is draining. I also forgot to mention that we are also scared for SS safety, due to things he has recently started doing. Jumping on everything & off of everything. He has broken his bed & his sisters. Also, just recently he has started to plug things and unplug things from the light sockets. Scares the crap out of us, but he doesn't understand when we talk to him about it. I guess I will keep on trying. Right? Anyway, thanks for your help!