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Mommy & Me

Mommy22's picture

Just wondering if anyone else deals with a SO that has a problem with doing “Mommy & Me” pictures for Mother’s Day. Just to make it clear, we have 2 children together and he has a child from a previous relationship. The “Mommy & Me” pictures would include myself and my children; excluding SO and SC. We just did family pictures including everyone 5 months ago. Am I wrong to want to this for mother’s day for myself? He makes me question myself and if I’m doing things wrong or feeling wrong. It is already understood that the photos will not get hung up in his home. Just looking for advice or someone that has dealt with this too. 

hereiam's picture

Seems pretty obvious that "Mommy & Me" pictures would be of you and your children.

Is he expecting you to include his child? The one that isn't yours? The kid for whom you are not Mommy?

Mommy22's picture

I’m not sure what exactly he’s expecting.. when I mentioned that I was trying to schedule the pictures, he just kind of smirked and then, with a attitude, asked if we were no longer doing family pictures. I was like “ummm, we just did those 5 months ago; but I can schedule more if you’d like”. It was just obvious that he had a problem with it. 

tog redux's picture

The photos will not be hung up in "his home"? Is it not your home, too?  Go take all the pictures you want and hang them all over the house. When the skid pouts, tell him/her that he/she should ask Daddy to get some pictures like that made for BM for Mother's day!

 

Mommy22's picture

Before we got together, he had his home and I had mine. Due to continuing problems and issues, me and the kids have returned to my home and stay at his a couple nights a week. 

I actually had to take photos down bc he had a problem with them. Some of those including a previous Mommy & Me session. 

Do other blended families have these problems or is it just me??!!  

shellpell's picture

No, not wrong at all. I've done those with my two, not w SS.His home? Do you not live together as equal partners?

Mommy22's picture

Thank you, & your SO didn’t have a problem with it? Recently the kids and I have moved to my home, staying at his a couple nights a week.

shellpell's picture

Zero problem. He knows ss has his own mother to take those types of photos with and doesn't expect me to pretend ss is mine or that I feel even 1% of the love I have for my kids for him.

Curious Georgetta's picture

You scan have and hang whatever you want anywhere you want.

Regardless of where you live, you are an adult . You do not need his permission or approval to take whatever pictures that you choose to take. 

I do not understand why permission and approval  would be a notion that an adult female would even entertain.

Hopefully, you are an independent and self sufficient woman who I capable of making and effecting decisions on her own. Tell him that you get to choose your own Mommy and Me photos , and if he chooses to do Daddy and Me photos he gets to do as he chooses.

I would hope that you need his permission to make any other decisions. It make be an indication that you need to work on your self esteem.

 

Mommy22's picture

Oh yes, I am very independent. I own my own home and my own vehicle. I have my own income. I definitely don’t need his approval or permission. I will take the pictures whether he likes it or not and hang whatever I want in my home. 

I was just curious if other blended families have ran into this issue, as well. 

hereiam's picture

Reading your other posts, I can see why you moved back to your own home. Do your "Mommy & Me" pictures.

I guess we can see where his daughter gets her attitude from.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Thank God my DuH isn’t this much of a f*ckt@rd! He would KNOW a “Mommy and Me” photo shoot for me would be me and our real (lol) kids. NOT skid. He wouldn’t ask OR freak out!

My Mother’s Day is a skid-free zone.

Mommy22's picture

Idk. Sometimes I just get flabbergasted at the things that become issues that don’t hafta be. Ya know what I mean. 

futurobrillante99's picture

Ya know what? Just in case you didn't know, this whole SO and DH thing is highly overrated, and I'm glad to be rid of them. In case y'all didn't know, you don't have to marry them or co-habitate with them. Save yourself a lot of trouble and ditch the fairy tale notions from our childhood. Meet a nice guy, hang out, be friends, maybe get some nookie, then send his behind back to his house. Lather, rinse and repeat until you're dead. LOL

hereiam's picture

Yep, I'd rather be alone than be with an asshole. Luckily, my husband is not one. Well, mostly he's not! Never about his daughter and this blended family nonsense. He's not stupid, he realizes that his daughter is not my daughter and I don't have to treat her like she is.

Jcksjj's picture

I've gotten harassed about this stuff more from extended family then DH. We have my DS8, SD7, and our DS that just turned one. SIL took some maternity pics and I took one with ODS and she wanted me to take some with SD also which would have been extremely weird and awkward for both her and I because neither of us are touchy feely people at all and dont even hug eachother, let alone have her kissing my belly or touching it. Luckily DH jumped in right away and said no to that. 

MIL was pissed that the older kids (by which she actually only cared about SD but still) weren't in YDS 3, 6, 9 month milestone pictures and went off about that. I guess YDS isnt allowed to have milestones of his own, only the older kids can have their yearly school pics individually.

I'd get them done regardless of if someone else gets mad or you'll regret not having them. They're meant for you to have to look back on, not to show everyone else what a happy blended family you are like DH probably thinks.

Siemprematahari's picture

He needs to get over himself. Have the photos taken and if his panties get in a bunch....oh well! If its that serious to him he should go take father & daughter pics and call it a day. You said "I actually had to take photos down bc he had a problem with them". I hope you put them back up and tell him you will take whatever photos you please. He doesn't get to dictate that.

Where is SD mom?

 

Mommy22's picture

That’s the point I’m at with it all. No, I didn’t hang them back up but I did take them to my home. Now that we’re staying at my home, I can hang whatever pictures I want! Sometimes I feel like he thinks our children together are not even his. 

The mother is in picture and very involved. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Ignoring the facts doesn't change the facts. 

I think you should celebrate Mother's Day however you'd like. I also think you should stop doing sleepovers at Casa de A$$hole. Let him sleep alone, live without you, and marinate in his own jerk juices for a while. 

flmomma08's picture

I do mommy and me pictures every year with my BD! I have honestly never even thought to include SD in them - she is well aware I'm not her mommy lol - I also do kids pictures for just the girls yearly. We hardly ever do family pics because my DH hates getting his picture taken. DH has never mentioned anything about our mommy and me pictures, though. PLEASE do the pictures - you and BD will treasure them.

Rags's picture

I am shaking my head along with you over your DH's pathetic status on this.

Get your pictures taken.  DH can bite his tongue. Hang your pictures where you want to hang them. That you do not share a home with your DH makes this part easy.

Interestingly, parents who bred in prior relationships seem to often be very sensitive to the seemless inclusion of their prior breeding experiments into their new family dynamic.

Even my bride who is incredible, brilliant, loves my parents and family dearly and knows full well that my parents are absolutely devoted to she and her (our) son still struggles with this nearly 25 years after we married.  He is my parent's eldest grand child. They met him not long before my niece was born.  We married 5mos after she was born.  My SS is unequivocally my parents GK. I pitty anyone who would challenge them on that.

Meanwhile back and the ranch and two days after the fact... DW commented the other day that SS is coming in for a TDY from Germany and will fly in on the 25th to spend 5 days with his mom and I.  My parents are on a long delayed RV trip and not returning home until 2 days after the Skid heads back to Germany.  DW commented that if it was my niece visiting that my parents would head back early to see her.  

I took significant exception to that comment and called her on it.  We have been advising my parents to quit postponing their own lives to hopefully see a visiting family member (usually my brother, his DW and their  youngest) and my parents finally just started notifying where they would be and if traveling family members wanted to see them they would be welcome to join my parents wherever they might be on their own adventures.

So, even we struggle with this prior relationship breeding parent mentality and our situation is about as simple as it gets in the blended family world.  There is no biological mine or ours in our situation.  Though I did adopt SS-26 when he was 22 after being his dad since the week before he turned 2yo when his mom and I married.

I love your response to DH “ummm, we just did those 5 months ago; but I can schedule more if you’d like”

Get your Mommy and Me pics and enjoy them. In your home.  In fact, if DHs home is also where you and your joint BKs spend time.... put one up there as well.  Of course if you do that, expect a SKid pic in your home if DH and his prior relationship BKs spend time there.

Annoyed1's picture

Can you imagine if you went and did Mommy and Me pictures with the step kids?!?! LOL!!! BM would throw a fit!!! Sh*t would hit the fan!!!! Some men are so blind and just don't get it. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. I wouldn't think twice about it. You'll cherish the pictures forever. And one day, so will your kids. 

Maria10's picture

Take some with his skids too( just u and the skids witout him). Then hang them at his house where BM will see them for sure.  Then let the BM do all the screaming while you sit nicely at your house enjoying the mommy pics you took with just your kids. 

I'm all for BM doing my dirty work or once!

Thisisnotus's picture

I would do the mommy and me pics especially since you just had family pics done with everyone.

i will say that my FIL and MIL have all of their grandkids pics up including mine and DHs 1 year old but they don’t include my bio kids and it makes me feel angry at them.

shamds's picture

issues that go on in our lives, mommy and me pics are just a petty thing for your partner to bitch about.

pics on my phone are all of my kids. We don’t have photo albums at home, everything is saved digitally. But any pics if i were to print would be of me, hubby and our kids. I wouldn’t want any of skids because they’re arseholes and unpleasant to be around.

also anytime we’ve been in a formal setting like wedding etc or black tie type event, they’ve found a way to f*#k up the pics and my sil’s had to tell them off they look real untidy and spoilt an otherwise perfect picture of us...

justmakingthebest's picture

Dh and I don't have "our" kids. However, whenever we do pictures, we do full family shots, Him and I shots, Me and Mine, Him and Skids, My kids together, his kids together. 

We have both been divorced before and made the mistake of having all the kids in every picture.... we just kind of naturally started doing things this way and it works for us.

Maybe if you tell him you plan on trying to organize a "daddy and me" photo shoot for Father's day he would be happy? Maybe he feels like HE isn't being included?