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Dear BM,

I.hate.cats's picture

I wish you would get medication for that Bi-Polar that you were diagnosed with ten years ago but have chosen to ignore. If you're going to continue to lie to DH on such a regular basis, you probably shouldn't do so via text since it's laughable but also quite pathetic when you contradict yourself within hours. It really would be fabulous if you had any intention of being the great mother you claim to hope to be one day but in the meantime, perhaps you could just try not to cause your daughter anymore emotional damage. I don't really care if you want to sleep with half of the Green Bay Packers, but maybe you could stop fighting with us to have SD at your house only to bring home douche bag after douche bag because eventually something bad will happen to one of your children. If you're going to go to the psychiatrist appointment for SD, don't lie about your family history, or personal history because it's only hurting SD and keeping the doctor's from making an accurate diagnosis.

The term harassment isn't applicable when you say something like I've signed SD up for tutoring and despite four requests, you still haven't been able to even come up with a name, much less any information about this so called program. Pulling SD out of summer school because you don't like the one day a week that we had to change placement for the four lousy weeks she'd need to complete her schooling makes you selfish, a bad mother and a bad person. Unnecessarily putting your daughter in daycare for 45+ hours per week and then pawning her off on anyone who will take her when she's not at daycare makes you a bad mother. Not signing her up for school yourself when you had FIVE MONTHS to do so DOES make you a bad mother and I'm sorry that it hurts your feelings when DH points these things out.

Also if you're going to keep your daughter from attending school and going to gymnastics, don't lie to her and tell her that you aren't. Own up to it, especially if you think you're right for doing so! Stop insisting that we revert back to the court order that only lets SD come over once per week every time you get your feelings hurt and get over your jealousy! I'm not running all over hell and creation trying to take on the responsibility of your daughter because I want to, I'm doing it because YOU'RE NOT! Try LISTENING to your kid for a change and stop putting her in the middle of your delusions and badmouthing DH because you swear you had an eye opening conversation with DH when the total phone call lasted 45 seconds! Don't complain that you don't get enough time with your daughter when you leave her with us or your mother or your friend or your first ex husbands mother every chance you get.

Maybe, just maybe if you put a fraction of the effort into being a mother that you put into being a cunt, I wouldn't be writing this, your daughter who's nearly seven could read, DH wouldn't be on the verge of losing his job because he's got to go file court paperwork in hopes that a judge will have a shred of common sense and keep you from turning your daughter into a person just like you. SD worked in her workbook with me today, she put on a pretty dress and then we took the bus to go get her haircut, we ate lunch and had a great day. It cost less than $20.00 and SD left here smiling. I hate knowing that she has to go home with you now where you'll ignore her and play on your phone or browse a dating app. I hate that instead of having some fun, much needed one on one time tomorrow, she'll spend her day in an overcrowded daycare center with 18 kids to every teacher, i.e. an 18 year old idiot who got what she considers a good paying babysitting job.

Over the last two weeks our dog died, our car blew up, DH is one mistake away from losing his job, I can't even get to the grocery store, SS14 missed his therapy appointment because I couldn't find connecting buses. The last thing we need is to deal with any more of your insanity. Even your ex boyfriend has contacted us telling us how badly we need to get SD out of your house. I wish that it would matter to you that you're ruining our lives, along with your daughters, I wish you cared that we're literally one court ruling away from throwing in the towel and hoping in a few years that SD can read the apology letter that will break our hearts to write. But you're a cunt and none of this will matter, I just needed to vent before I lose my shit completely.


evilicious says I quit steppin's picture

My stepdaughter's mom is a non-medicated bipolar as well. So is my stepdaughter. I don't know if it's a bipolar thing.....
My DH has depression. Takes meds and sees a therapist. My older brother was schitzo-affective...he took mood stabilizers.
Glad you had a nice day with your SD.

dood's picture

Wow... my heart goes out to you.

You should send her that letter, and cc the court, the school and anyone else you can think of and just let the shit hit the fan...


kathc's picture

Shit, I'm sorry your bm is such a horrible person. Wtf with these women who'd rather destroy their children than let their fathers raise them properly?

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Bi polar BM2 here. BGM was institutionalized for mental illness, and YSD is also mentally ill.

The beat goes on, speaking genetically. I hope your SD is the exception to the rule.

I.hate.cats's picture

I've been reading up on it as much as I can, trying to see what we can do. Keeping track of her sleep schedule and moods. We asked BM to do the same but that's obviously not happening. She actually told DH yesterday that her current boyfriend accuses her of being crazy all of the time so she downloaded a conversation recording app so that she can make sure that she's actually hearing what she thinks she is. It's gotten so bad here lately and the on top of the sleep deprivation, BM has suddenly decided to sign SD up for two evening martial arts classes, which she will go to after spending 10 hours per day at daycare. Then she'll get her up at 5 a.m. to start over.

She can't keep appointments and the psychiatrist appointment that we have scheduled for SD isn't until October but court is in September and we're told the judge that we have is very stern which I worry about. On one hand I'm a stay at home mom and wife, so I can cater to all of her needs, make sure she makes her appointments, etc. BM made her an eye doctor apt which she blew off then a dentist appointment where she did the same thing. Now withholding visitation so we'll go from seeing SD almost two weeks a month to less than eight. She's convinced that everyone is out to get her, that we only asked to take SD to prove she doesn't want her in court and that she's not legally obligated to take SD to summer school. It's been such a mess and the poor kid has been through so much, even if it turns out she doesn't have Bi-polar, she's going to end up with some serious emotional issues.

BM has been pushing ADHD but it's definitely not the case, most of the symptoms don't make sense. BM has claimed she only has ADHD not, BP and I think the stimulants aren't helping. I know the judge's course of action is to go through mediation but how do you do that with someone who can't even keep their story straight for an hour. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in dealing with this and if anyone has any advice on dealing with BM or SD when she's having issues, I would really appreciate it.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Oh Lord, you're making me think back to all that poo I went through.

If I were your DH, I would have my attorney do everything possible to make the court aware of BM's mental illness and to beef up and add structure to the current custody agreement. Include ROFR. Document all missed medical appointments and activities, pull attendance records from the daycare, etc. Daily documentation needs to be a lifestyle. BM will then violate the order over and over, and then DH can take her back to court.

Crazy = incapable of coparenting. I'd give up even trying, bone up on parallel parenting, and again, work towards creating a custody order that is very, VERY specific on the above. DH should handle ALL communication with the BM. I myself have never even seen BM2 except in a courtroom and spoken on the phone to her just three times.

You should also prepare to reenter the workforce to help offset the costs of the substantial legal fees that go hand in hand with mentally ill BMs. Our BM2 qualified for free legal assistance, and a common strategy is to draw things out in an effort to financially drain the other party. DH & I were both professionals, comfortably off, and still had to scrape to pay all the legal bills. I basically worked to pay for someone else's legal battle. Later, I worked to raise and support someone else's damaged kid. BM2 never paid a dime of cs or any of the judgements we won against her. We spent nearly thirty thousand fighting for SD8, and this was twenty years ago.

Regarding the kids, I'm going to be very blunt: Keep a clear perspective and emotional distance from your SKs, especially SD6. Your motherly instinct is to love her and try to save her, but you should never parent more than the bioparents. It's sad, but oods are that eventually SD6 will choose her mother over normal. My own SD did, and yes, she is mentally ill like her mom.