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Given up on Counselor - now reviewing possiblity of SS moving in with her when he turns 16

IAMGOOD's picture

Someone once said to me here that my SS was a casualty of the divorce. I am realizing now that he is. The counselor that my husband and I hired to work with our SS is a nightmare. She has completely sugar coated and "pretended" that the BM is not lying and that she is following a parenting agreement that we all know she ISN"T following. She says "prove it". We have the other sibling along with 2 step siblings that SS is NOT following agreement & spends all his time in his room. The emotional bond between my SS and his BM is destructive as the love connection they have the BM uses to poison, brainwash and get this young man with "other issues" to resist being comfortable in our home.

His other issues that the counselor has admitted to his having a "depressant" personality and social anxieties but apparently that is "OK". She feels the environment should change to adjust to this and if he is more comfortable in mom's house than that is where he should be. There is no respect for all the heart, soul and MONEY that we put into my SS.

What I am asking is "how much". If he takes us to court when he turns 16 years old and we object CAN the judge still increase the child support. We have a very high mortgage due to the buy out my husband had to make on his own (a couple years before he met me). Right now he pays $1500 a month plus pays the kids medical/dental and we have 50% custody. He makes about $125k a year. We live in Massachusetts. My fear is that we are going to not only be screwed by losing the SS but also we will have to sell our home.

I can't tell you what a disapointment this has been for us that we hired a counselor - sought a legal letter - and the counselor has turned on us. It has been so unfair & this woman is AWFUL. She makes no sense & isn't even making decision in SS best interest.

Who accepts the social/emotional/behavioral issues he has? He has symptoms of Aspergers.

Anyone know what we could end up paying if she gets full custody??


PeanutandSons's picture

If he's almost 16 then you are only looking at 2 years of child support. Start saving every extra dime you can now into savings. So if it happens and your finances get tight you have money to fall back on so that you don't lose your home.

amber3902's picture

Please understand the things I tell you are only meant to help you, not hurt your feelings. You are going by emotion and you have to realize the courts go by facts, not emotion. The courts don't know you, DH or BM. All they can go by is what can be proven by evidence. That is why the counselor told you to prove that the BM is not following the parenting agreement. She is only telling you what the judge would say.

Instead of spending money on a counselor, I'd spend that money on a good attorney to prove the BM is PAS'ing and is not following the parenting agreement.

And yes, regardless of your objection, the judge can increase the child support. Sorry, yes it sucks. If you want to know how much more you would wind up paying, google your state child support calculator.

I'd start going on some divorce forums for dads. You can often get very good advice how to fight PAS'ing, since it's most often the dad that suffers from this treatment.

Jsmom's picture

You will lose in court. Don't waste the money on lawyers. We spent thousands. BM will get full custody if the kid is over 14 and that is what he wants. They take what the child wants.

Start saving now, because your CS will go up. Nothing you can do about it. At least make sure it stops at 18 and DH is not responsible for college.

Do not fight it. Also, counselors are awful for blended family. Big waste of money for us and made the situation worse. Sided with the child and BM and made us question everything.

IAMGOOD's picture

Well I would like to say thanks but clearly the conclusion is that BM always wins. She can be an adultress, a cheat, a liar, not use child support to provide the kids needs.....but then we will get ordered to pay more. I don't know how to make it stop at 18 years old. The agreement says to that he has to pay 66% of college. I have been told by attorney's that is unenforceable. I believe that college counts toward emmancipation age.

Lalena75's picture

At 16 I wouldn't waste a dime fighting in court, put the money to good use on a lawyer that will make sure cs is fair and based off of your DH's income and expenses, and that it ends at 18 not extended long into adulthood a college that it doesn't look like he'd go or even succeed.

IAMGOOD's picture

I think there are ways to "continue" or drag out the procedings so that less time to pay out Child support. A good attorney will know how to do this. I agree about not wasting a dime to fight it in court. However, if we are orderd to go from $1500 a month to $2300 a month that is going to sink us. How can we keep house? How is that fair? So now the BM who has blown thru the $170 in equity.....along with pension going to get rewarded with more money? I think the massachusetts court system needs revamping of the child support rates. She doesn't deserve this. What - so she can ski? Buy Ugg Boots?