One of the sad realities I think people must face as they grow up (and that step parents are forced to face rather more frequently and earlier than most) is that love alone is never enough to hold a relationship together. For a relationship to truly function there must be love, respect, honesty, communication, and for the couple to be on the same page about values and goals.

I'm sure there are volumes more to your story, but I have to say that your comment of "I know he loves me too" just makes me shake my head. Why do you believe this? This is Incredibly dishonest, disrespectful behavior. This is not behavior demonstrating love or concern for you or your family. Trying to excuse it as " just sometimes he doesn't think before he act(s)" is you setting yourself up to have him do this and hurt you and state that you are not valued by him over and over.

He's an adult. He took marriage vows with you. This is the person that is supposed to love you more than anyone else in the world. But he's out picking up other women. He admits that the problem is him. Of course it's him. He's behaving Terribly and you aren't choosing that for him. He's making that choice himself.

I have to wonder if he leaves the messages and things so that you Think that's only as far as it's ever gone.

I would personally be completely unable to trust this guy. There are many options of what you can do. Offer marriage counseling, learn to simply live with being mistreated in this way, leave him... Honestly, you have Loads of options. You need to figure out what you can live with, what your priorities are and whether he's going to be capable of fulfilling what you need from him.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but please don't just excuse this behavior as "he just doesn't think sometimes". That's a cop out and you deserve better. This is a repeated behavior that I imagine you've told him you're unhappy about. Him continuing this behavior is not him not thinking, it's him not caring that it hurts you. Whether that's because he wants to make you jealous or that getting his ego stroked matters more to him than your feelings and his marriage, I don't know. But no, particularly in cases like these (and I consider what he's doing to be cheating on you) love is not enough by itself to hold a marriage together.

Do not just accept this.

If he isn't unfaithful, it is not for lack of trying.

So disrespectful and you deserve better!!!

So how will you handle it when you don't "catch him in time"? Because if the only reason he is not cheating (because he sure is trying to) is because you catch him in time it will eventually happen.

His actions has me thinking he wants out but doesn't have the balls to tell you. Instead he's doing something to make you walk away.

He knows you check his phone, yet he isn't deleting anything.

Most women would have tossed him iit a long time ago.

I excused the same behavior for 10 years. Love was not enough and the texts and flirting I caught were just the tip of the iceberg once I stopped excusing it. Why do you think you deserve this blatant disrespect, disloyalty and inexcusable manipulation and lying. We teach people how to treat us and your excusing it is allowing him to continue. He's cheating on you plan and simple, it's not just flirting it's cheating and your okay excusing that away for "love"

Wow. What an ass!

You cannot allow this to happen. Either it STOPS immediately and FORVER or you must decide to leave or accept the fact that your husband either is or will be a cheater.

I have many opposite sex friendships and my OH does as well. We are both quite outgoing and involved in many activities. He says I have a fan club wherever I go and frankly so does he.

But that is both the beginning and the end of it.

Your husband crosses a line that should never be crossed. Repeatedly.

I cannot imagine how hurt you are!

It won't change. It never does. He'll continue on and you will continue to feel hurt but you will also get more and more suspicious and your life will be consumed with who is next for him.

I can't remember which celebrity it was but I once heard a woman describe her husband's many affairs this way "it got so that I could pick our which woman he would go for next. I knew his type and I knew almost before he did who she would be. I became obsessed with it. It destroyed me"

Let me list the names of the 'men' in my cell phone... DH's cell #, DHs work #, his brother, my son, my 2 stepsons..... that is IT. I also have his bosses # and if she was a man I would include that too.

There is no need for your DH to flirt with other women if he truly loves you before all others and this would include himself.

He does this 'it is me, I am sorry.." and this works for him. You are hurt, he lets things settle down and then does it all over again because all that happens is you get hurt. You don't leave, you don't file for divorce, you don't call the women and tell them his IS married and has a communicable disease (which is what I would do). You just get hurt. He can live with that because he has limited respect for you.

The thing is ... do you want to stop hurting? And this may mean leaving, ignoring it but having regular STD checks or continuing to express your hurt. I would start with telling DH that you are no longer able to have sex with him until you get an STD check. When you get the all-clear you insist on marriage counselling. If you do not get the all-clear you are leaving. His behaviour suggests he is unhappy in your marriage and seeks attention elsewhere. And as you both do not have a prior agreement as to the limits of any extramarital relationships you are erring on the side of caution.

Until you show him you mean business and the behaviour MUST end he will continue. He is behaving like a naughty little boy getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar. And how do you stop that behaviour? You make some nasty tasting cookies or put a trap in the jar.