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Does there become a point where they're too old for you to elope without them?

HogwartsIsHome's picture

SO and I were originally planning on eloping next year just the two of us. Now our financial situation has changed as I've decided to retrain. The retraining will take 3 years and then we can start saving up the funds again. By the time we've saved up enough money, SD will be 10.

Do you think there's an age at which it is deemed unacceptable to elope without the SC (or biochild for that matter, it's not specifically because she's a SC).

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bananaseedo's picture

Hey, we're plannign to elope-not even sure when. My sons are 16 and 18, his is 17. My youngest is 1yr 2 months away from 18, SD is about 10 months from 18.

Do what you want when you want.

ESMOD's picture

No there is no age when they are "too old".

My SD's were like 8 and 11 ish when we did it. We did a combo wedding/honemoon. You wouldn't take your adult kids on a honeymoon would you?

Honestly nothing wrong with going and having an adult celebration of the union between the two of you.

ESMOD's picture

You could also do a JP service with just the three of you and then go on a vacay later as just the adults.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Justice of the Peace. Do it at the court house with whatever type of official does it in your state. In mine, you can even marry yourselves at the courthouse by just filling out the license.

nengooseus's picture

In the county where we got married, sheriff's deputies are designated as justices of the peace, so we were seriously hoping that we would be married by a guy in khaki with a utility belt and the Mountie hat.

We were not.

The deputy that did our ceremony was in a very appropriate suit. Whomp whomp.

I still got a great hubby, though, so I guess it was OK in the long run...

HogwartsIsHome's picture

Ahh I see. Not based in the States so wasn't sure what it meant. That makes sense now.

It's not something we would want to do tbh.

SO's first marriage was done in our equivalent of a JP service. We'd both rather make it more exciting as hopefully it'll be our last wedding.

BethAnne's picture

Just because you elope does not mean that you cannot celebrate your marriage with those that you care about at home. You could have a special dinner out or a day trip or a weekend away or something else to help her feel involved, if that is your concern.

I might suggest though that if you want to get married now that you get married now (a legal marriage is not that expensive). And if you want a nice adult trip away that you take a nice adult trip away in the future when you have the funds after your training. Not a very romantic way of looking at things I know but I thought i’d throw it out there.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Unacceptable is subjective. In my family, second (and third, fourth, etc) weddings are supposed to be simple affairs, so eloping without kids would be totally acceptable. In DH's family, while "simple" is fine, they would find it very awkward to not include kids. You could elope, but not as "just the couple".

Ultimately, it comes down to what you want to do - just be fair about it. Generally speaking, if you're going to include any kids, you should include all kids (barring extreme circumstances). You shouldn't knowing plan it on a weekend that you know step kid is unavailable if your SO wants their kid there. Don't plan something special for your kids (mutual or otherwise to your SO) while excluding theirs. Don't purposefully make it difficult for their adult children to attend. Etc, etc, etc.

I say all this with the understanding that you're dealing with normal, mostly well-behaved step kids. If the steps are rude, violent, etc., then this becomes much looser to follow. At that point, if my SO insisted their maladjusted offspring attend because "it's the right thing to do", I'd seriously reconsider the marriage, especially if said offspring is an adult.

Rags's picture

By definition.. elope pretty much means just the two of you. However, it can be very flexible also with informing as many people as you choose.

My incredible bride and I had an announced elopement. None of her core family chose to attend, her aunt and uncle did. On my side it included my brother, SIL and my then 5mo old niece, my mom and my college BFF and his now long gone GF. My dad couldn't make it from overseas.

A long time former STalker and her DH eloped to Belize and were married in the jungle by a local witch doctor... Only the two of them were there.

So, do what you want and don't worry about anyone else. Just be aware that discussing it outside of just you and your intended can grow some resentment.

Just do it and then send an announcement when you get back... may be the lowest drama way to go. You can tell the kids when you get back.

DaizyDuke's picture

when DH and I got married there was NOBODY there.. just my mom (who served as our witness and babysitter), my best friend (who did photography), the justice of the peace and our BS8 who was 6 months old at the time. MIL was annoyed that she couldn't be there, but oh well. and I didn't want skids (who were 10 and 11 at the time) there because I didn't want them running back and reporting every little detail to BMs. DH was fine with it, it was a perfect day. Wouldn't change ANY of it!!

Do what YOU want, who cares what anyone thinks or says?

notasm3's picture

We got married in FL. Just filled out some forms and the clerk married us. Easy and cheap.