nope...never did...never will....well...never say never...I'd like to think we could be one big happy family and sing kum bay yah around the campfire...but I had to let that fantasy go when she tried to poison one of my skids....sorry to be so b*tchy, but this is a sore spot for me...

A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....

BM is crazy. She hates her ex so much that she actually tried to engage me in her hate campaign. I put a stop to that and wouldn't call her back or answer her calls. What did she think I was going to do, hate him or leave him. I realized she didn't want to see him happy with someone else. Which is really selfish as she has moved on and has a bf. You would think that she would get over her hate.

She really lost it when she found out we were having a baby. She wouldn't let dh see her kids. I told dh that playing the martyr isn't fun when you are playing full time single mom all day long. At first she got her family to watch her kids, but as they have lives too, they got tired of it. I told him that she would see that he is moving on and living a great life, free from the responsibility of kids while she has to do it all.

After about 4 weeks her kids were with their dad. Her hate was only hurting her kids, not their dad. Their dad has another child who he loves and adores, so he has his hands full.

We have no relationship. I tolerate her ever annoying presence in my husband's life as though she's some sort of unsightly wart on the heel of our marriage.

We say hello and do the fake bitch smiles when we meet but she's far too dramatic for me(and that's saying something TRUST ME!)

I barely see her but the ripples of her laying the guilt on SD and the ripples of her need to prove something to my DH resound over and over in the walls of my home.

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland

I did, atleast while I was not interfering with anything that SHE wanted, or as long as my opinion didn't differ from hers.

It took about 3 years for us to even get to that point, which is laughable, b/c in retrospect, we haven't made any progress whatsoever. The only difference is, now she is alot sneakier about being a Bitch to me, she has a way to make it look like she is the victim and I'm overreacting. But as long as I agree with her, we are good - (rolling my eyes!!!)
___________________________________________________________________________
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

Nope, me neither. Problems began immediately when I started dating DH (he was recently divorced and their son was 2). The trouble continued for years and then escalated when DH and I had our first baby together (SS was 14 by then). 16 years later with SS only 6 months away from turning 18, and we are still fighting the latest court battle. Ugh.

The BM in my sitch is extremely passive agressive and dramatic. She knows how to play the poor me card and get FH to feel bad for her. It bothers me because she was the one that insisted he move on and they break up yet she still tries to lean on him for support.
Most people get upset, and there are times when it bothered me, but now I just feel bad for her. I feel bad that her BF/Former AP will most likely never commit. I feel bad that she will probably be 50 or 60 with a "boyfriend" and not like it. I feel bad that she has to lean on someone else's man(mine) because hers is never available.
I'm just glad that he knows how to handle it and doesn't put her before me. I'm glad that he realizes that his family (me and kids) come first and her problems are second.

I do not think it is ever a good idea to have a good relation ship with BM. I tryed that once. BM said we could be friends and it wasnt uncommon. At the end of the day she was still trying to get back with my husband. Even said that we couldnt see his daughter without her being there. We tryed it one time. It ended with me kicking her out of my house after her sending him text about staying longer and i would never know because i was going to my grandmas funeral in another state. She used her sweetness to throw me off into thinking we could get along but in the end all she was trying to do was stay close to my husband. I guess i was in the way of her never ending ideal of a perfect family.

I do, but I would never vocalize that. Because in the end, she is unhappy with everything that she has.
And I'm not. I love me life. I love my family. And I love that she did what she did otherwise I wouldn't be where I am today. So if she is the "master" of manipulation then that's fine. But how much of a master can you be if I have FH and she doesn't?

I deal with two BMs. The first, I actually get along with. (we don't go shopping together or anything, but we get along). The second, NO WAY IN HELL I would ever try to have any kind of relationship with. If she had extended the olive branch out in the beginning, then yes, but no. She's a liar, manipulator and she treats her kids as her own personal door mat. I have absolutely no respect for that woman between how she raises the kids and what she puts them through with her crazy A$$ love life (abortions, multiple boyfriends/husbands ALL involving the kids). So no Kum Bay Ya here especially since I have a court order against her because she thinks she's such a bada$$. I've thought about it, if I could actually attempt it...but I can't. After all the she's pulled I just can't bring myself to it. I think I'd shoot myself if I tried if that's any indication.

My relationship with BM has always being cordial, pleasant, kind, but not real deep. She has always been real nice to me as I to her but, I don't think I care to be close to any ex of my DH. I don't feel the need to be any more than respectful regardless of the fact that I tuck her son into bed 26 out of 30 days a month...unless I was looking for juicy details on my DH! }:)

I suppose I've been extremely lucky compared to some of your BMs! Mine is actually a pretty normal person. If she hadn't been his ex, I might like to be friends.

It's pretty good...surprisingly even though I (silently) disagree with the parenting or lack there of. It all started when my DH got deployed and we had to interact with one another. I was the one signing the CS checks. (and I still do now that DH's back) Like what Gianna said...our BM is jealous of the life we have and mentions it time and time again. We will never be friends but we are cordial to one another. We have come a long way since the years I was dating my DH. She would tell my SD to not like me and things of that nature.

We are trying to get my SD(6)to stay with us this whole summer! Please cross your fingers for us! I can't wait for my SD to be with us and be in a more stable, structured home.

Mine is off and on. Depends on what is going on in her life. Right now I am her only friend, and she calls WAY too much. Every day to tell me about something stupid (like best friends do)... I think she is a complete moron and a loser, but I put up with her to keep the peace. We duke it out about once every 6 months... it is almost due time. Wonder what it will be about THIS time?? Something stupid I am sure. Hopefully she will get a damn JOB soon and she won't have so much time on her hands to dwell on stupid sh*t.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

Well, the drama has never stopped, and BM and I have known each other now for over 12 years. She's lying, manipulative and has split personalities. She's also not too bright. I use that to my advantage. I can make it sound like she's getting what she wants, but in the end, DH and I "win."

But for the sake of the kids, we've had birthdays and BBQs together. We all sit together at school concerts and ballgames. We've sat together in doctor appointments, emergency rooms and spent a week side by side as SS was in PICU after a horrible accident. We have always attended school conferences together because we were always too fearful for the teacher of what kinda of crazy s$%^ she might say...

And yes, call me crazy- there've even been a few sleep-overs. A few times due to school events and scheduling, it was best if she wasn't driving with them late at night so she and the kids stayed in the garage/game room (seperate from the main house) and left the next morning.

I know there must be a special place for me in heaven... or the mental hospital...

"I HAD to pick the road less traveled..."

I guess I could chime in on here to. Switch the questions to if I get along with the Bio Dad...

I try to get along with him.
He hated me from the moment he realized I am his ex wifes boy friend.
We spent a few years bickering back and forth about me in his son's life.
I set a few boundaries with him and then let that settle down a bit.
And now it seems to be at least to the point that we are not argueing back and forth.
I must admit though I wonder if that will be short lived.

time will tell.

I sat at the basketball practice with him to watch both our sons practice.
We talked a lil bit.

Yes and it took 6 years! In that time DH and I got married and I am pregnant with our 3rd child. BM has also married and has a child.

Is it any adults fault? No. This is how long it took SD10 to stop lying about me.

SD lied about me causing BM to hate me for it. And I hated SD for lying and hated BM for being dumb enough to fall for it.

But it seems BM has come to her senses finally and sees SD for who she is. And I have come to terms with it as well.

We communicate about 1x per wk or 2 to talk about SDs issues at our home or hers. And discuss what punishments she is having....this makes sure SD can not lie. If she does she is caught from the get go.

I have a pretty good relationship with BM. I certainly don't agree with every thing she does. I keep my snide comments to venting with my sister ( who is becoming a step mom too ) or my husband.

There are times you just need to use your filter. It's taken me years to learn this in many areas in my life & I am still a work in progress. Life got a lot better for me when I came to the realization that neither of us are going anywhere, we both like to be in control, and we both love the boys. The magic age of 18 just means we stop handing money directly to her, but the kids will still need help. There will be graduations, weddings & grandchildren and we need to be able to communicate & be in the same place at the same time. I never want to be excluded from my future granchildren's lives because we all couldn't be in the same room. I never want my son, who cries because he wants his brothers & misses them, to not be able to pick up the phone & talk to them. There is a whole bigger picture than just me & what I want.

I just wanted a cordial relationship with BM where SD was put first and didn't have to experience a load of crap just cause her father got married.

But that has not happened yet..... since we have gotten together, engaged and married - BM and her mother have done nothing but attack DH and I and used SD to attempt to do so as well.

DH and BM split before SD was born 6 almost 7 years ago and she still has some type of vendetta agaisnt him and hates me for marrying him.

So now we put our focus on our family - Me, DH, SD and BD. BM is not worth the time or energy to argure with or fuss with. We let the lawyer and the courts handle it.

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************