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What drug(s)?

StepUltimate's picture

How do I tell what drugs SS17 is currently doing? He's been smoking pot for years (and has had punishments & lost privileges every time but he's dedicated to defying our rules & the LAW & keeps the b.s. going, in spite of everything), but lately at night I'm hearing (while DH is blissfully asleep) some stuff that I can't identify. Mainly it sounds like a click (but not a lighter) and then I hear SS seemingly sniff one or two long sniffs. So I'm just grasping at straws trying to see if anyone has insight on what this could be, based on these sounds. Of course I could test SS but I stopped blowing $$ on drug tests after discovering the lengths SS is willing to go to to lie, cheat & keep using.

I am trying to maintain my emotions but am building up toxic inside at the ongoing disrespect, lies, and drug use, and how his BM gets to use him as a weaponized prop of disention in MY home! I've focused on the fact that SS is 17 & graduates high school next year (God willing) because I cannot WAIT to be not living like this anymore. I've read about much worse teenage skids here so I do try to stay grateful, but OMG I hate HATE having an untrustworthy, lazy, manipulative liar in my home. Granted, there has been some progress & SS got a job finally, but excruciatingly slow and SS seemingly reactivates his default "lying is useful & okay" mode that his BM successfully trained him in each day upon waking. I just want him to stop disrespecting his dad, me, our home, and most of all, himself. His hygiene suffers as does his health (yes, I have become the woman who bleaches the door knobs, handles, light switches, fridge door, etc., because SS rarely washes his hands) and his romantic life (good looking kid but the zits & crusty teeth & fat belly/moobs), not to mention financial (no job until just recently, plus flaked out on prior job leads or any actual job-hunting).

This SM experience is hard on my heart, mind & soul. For today, I can detach & let SS & DH deal with the consequences. I just feel like the pattern has been that the b.s. activities escalate, I suspect but cannot prove, DH doubts and triangulates, SS plays innocent and spews indignant outrage at being questioned/doubted, and I get to be the bad mean person who is paranoid & would never be happy even if SS was perfect (SS has said that last one to DH... but never when I was in the convo). It's an exausting flow of b.s. and I am anxious for this kid to move on, even tho I'll be waiting another year.

sunshinex's picture

A click than one or two long sniffs is likely cocaine or some type of pill being crushed and snorted. I imagine the click would be crushing it with a credit card of some sort. Do you have any details about his behaviour after you hear this? I could tell you with almost complete certainty if you have some symptoms/behaviour insight lol

StepUltimate's picture

As I hit SEND, SS17 came in & told me he hurt his back yesterday & is going to "call in sick" and stay home from his new job for a couple of hours. Incredibly interesting how he forgot to mention this signicant back injury last night. The self-sabotage has already begun and it's a brsnd new job. Good luck with that.

StepUltimate's picture

Thanks for the suggestions; SS has been extremely low/no cash this past year, so I doubt he or his friends could afford it, but snorting crushed up pills sounds entirely likely as SS reported he could literally buy any kind of illegal drug at his high school (small town so Summer doesn't slow him down). And he has sold some items online and earned small amounts of cash from BM & some neighbs recently, so who knows.

Does a detached StepUltimate say anything to DH or just let the stupidity play out?

For all my frusteration with this kid, my heart really loves him & I want so much for him to not go down the path his BM set him up to tread. However, this site is helping me clarify tbat he is not my responsibility, and his poor behavior cannot be blamed on me.

sunshinex's picture

Another poster mentioned $5 speed pills... That could be it. I would say something to DH, because as much as it's "not your kid, not your problem", 99% of the pills on the market that are available and can be crushed/snorted are really dangerous. Society often overlooks the danger because they're just cheap little pills, but I've known quite a few people to OD/die from ecstasy, speed, etc. The best pill that's crushable/snortable you can hope he's doing is percocettes because they're the least deadly.

sunshinex's picture

also

If he's stated that he can "buy literally any drug" than he's into drugs...

It's hard enough as a drug user to find sources for everything you want, let alone someone who doesn't use/has no interest in using. If he knows where to get em, he's not sitting idly by while others are buying them lol

StepUltimate's picture

That was my paraphrase... he said this as a 9th grader & he'll be a senior this year so it's been a few years. But he told me pot was everywhere (NorCal, hello I know this!) plus all kinds of pills, LSD, meth, etc., was all over snd he knew at least 30 people... he was telling me this in surprise (but he's a con like BM & has spent energy on long-term bamboozling to try to shape my knowledge and opinion prior to his planned event/request/reveal so maybe it was con-surprise) and like so many other times, just running his mouth not realizing what I was hearing.

Acratopotes's picture

Hon, best thing to do.. stay out of it. SS is not your child, DH should step up and do something about it.

Simply tell DH, you will not tolerate stealing and you will not tolerate financing SS in any way or form. If SS steals anything you will call the police and get his ass arrested.

Then lock up all prescription drugs you may have and your jewellery/ hand back, bank card/cash..

also make it clear if SS does not clean up he ships out.

StepUltimate's picture

I considered that but don't think his cash situ could support vape cartridges... >>starts researching Vape Black Market<<

SM12's picture

I know a lot of kids are selling their ADD meds and making big bucks off of them. The kids also crush and snort the meds as well. That could be it.
If I heard something suspicious like that in my own home, I would be going to see what he was doing personally.
You are never going to find out unless you either force him to take a drug test or get him into rehab.

secret's picture

If he doesn't have the money for blow, it could just be speed.

An 80$ gram of blow... a 5$ speed pill... pretty much the same effect...but several times the length of the high... a lot of blow is cut with speed, anyway.

somethingwicked's picture

That's great he's in your house snorting coke.

Has your DH confronted or asked SS outright about illegal drug use?
WHY are you allowing this toxic environment to continue and you live in anger and fear?

Screw DH ,too, if he is on board with SS's illegal and detrimental behavior.

LIke Acra sez lock up or hide any thing of value that is yours. Sadly the flat screen ,PC or laptop will have to fend for themselves as you can't hide 'em.
And ,too, hide any credit cards, cash , bank statements even credit card statements.
All that info can be used to extract credit or money from accounts by desperate and clever individuals who live in your home.

YOUR SS WILL be stealing and fencing any and all of your shit to subsidize his illegal drug habit.
BUT the best recourse is to get SS out of your home.

I say call the cops and have him arrested then placed into mandatory drug rehab as he is a minor.
AS long as a druggie is living under your roof there will be negative consequences to your peace of mind and safety.

He is the parent and obviously is OK with SS's shit attitude and delinquent behavior ,right?
WTF! He's the freakin' parent and doesn't seem to give a flying fig HOW the Skid is turning out or is tearing you apart with those emotions you are experiencing.

DH is blissfully cutting ZZs sleeping and you are awake and scared shitless while SS is doing lines.

Tonight elbow that big SOB hard in his ribs when SS starts his snort fest and tell DH go an check on SS.
Make DH see this for himself and don't let him get that soft pass playing freaking Helen Keller.

The only other avenue if DH is not on board with reporting SS to authorities to get help is tell DH he can move out and take SS with him.
Live separately until SS ages out.
Then see how the situation stands.
Good luck.

StepUltimate's picture

Thanks, posted about DH's efforts below.I have opened the door after hearing those sounds but both times it was dark, no unusual smells, and SS was sleeping (or fake-sleeping?). So no proof. Yet... it's insane.

StepUltimate's picture

Also, I already have the valuables in the safe, but all our taxes & financials are in the home computer file cabinet (custom delux from a killer 2nd hand office furniture store but no locks) in the living area. Hadn't thought of that but agree with your suggestion. Been needing a larger, 2nd safe anyway but the version I need is big $$ so maybe I can find some locking file storage boxes this weekend. Thank you for all your thoughts & questions, very helpful and much appreciated.

somethingwicked's picture

Take all those important document to the bank and get a safety deposit box..your valuables ,too..
Not expensive to rent one at all.
AND when you get that maggot ejected from your home you can retrieve everything.

I really do feel for you in this frustrating and potentially dangerous situation ..not only to you,Dh and home BUT SS ,too, as he could OD.
That would not be pleasant to find him on the bathroom floor.
Trust me.
Take care.
Be proactive and not reactive.

StepUltimate's picture

Thank you. None of my friends is in this Step situ but I appreciate the feedback and compassion from those who took the time. I want to be better at disengaging & not taking SS17's behavior personal or as a reflection of personal failure. I want to be a good wife and stepmom, and I have work to do toward detaching & not giving a teenager any power. I also want to stop getting upset about SS and hurting DH's feelings by getting angry & frusterated when we don't agree on what to do.

StepUltimate's picture

I will search again, hadn't thought if straws so thanks. Probably search tomorrow morning.

sunshinex's picture

Look for rolled up bills or bills that WERE rolled at some point that have residue on them too lol

StepUltimate's picture

Thanks everyone. For background, DH has busted, punished, threatened arrest, gotten promise after promise that he would stop (1st two years, 8th & 9th grades) but that morphed to SS arguing that he SHOULD be allowed to smoke pot (10th & 11th grades, but his conviction can't be strong on that since those arguements were only to DH, never in my presence) and has also told us we should be glad that's all he does. Ironically, I had assumed it was only pot until that statement, but it was another unintentional "reveal" and I started vibing he probably expanded his drug resume. And my brain started adding up those little moments where I heard or detected clues. And earlier this year, SS accidently* revealed he's smoked synthetic pot. *meaning I knew he was cheating his home drug tests (coming home high but passing the test next day, plus I'd busted him cheating in the past with a baggie of someone else's urine!) so I'd been researching How To Cheat a Drug Test & learned synth pot doesn't show up on the standard home tests.

So yes, DH has been on his ass but threats, consequences, and the other punishments have just forced the addict SS17 to say much less (although he still inadvertently tells on himself, just much less frequently) and keep using. He no longer brings any friends over and we haven't met the best friends he hangs out with & smokes out with; we told him we know why (they can't spark up here) but I think it's also because we have a very nice middle-class lifestyle in a nice home whereas his so-called friends are clustered in public housing. So to bring them over would damage SS's cred in terms of not having every nice thing he could want and dinner every night.

I was all about trying to "fix" this kid, with DH's backing, but we all know how that worked out. Then I found StepTalk & realized I had almost everyrhing to learn.

DH has made very clear to SS that StepUltimate is #1 and he will not allow this b.s. to continue to hurt our relationship. The one time SS threatened to move back to BM's I'd already anticipated this stunt, and had discussed tbe plan with DH, which DH stuck to by immediately telling SS thst he can go do that, but if he does then it's "One and Done" because he's not coming back - that if he leaves DH would agree to custody change and pay her support (that SS would never see, like he never did before DH got custody) again. So he nipped thst power-play in the bud, but since tben SS's usage has continued. SS has gotten busted by room & backpack searches, but just shifts technique so it goes back to me suspecting, but not being able to prove. SS already taught me it's fruitless to confront him due to his Golden Lying Tongue. So we are both frusterated, and I'm keenly aware that BM would like nothing more than for SS to crawl back to her lair (currently the BF's house) so she could hurt DH some more, continue the Lifestyle & Attitude training of SS, stop having CS garnished & start getting CS from DH again, and the sprinkle on top which is knowing she's hurting me, by proxy.

StepUltimate's picture

I meant to add that me mentioning the synthetic pot made SS's BM training kick into gear; (she is the Narcissist who has to be the expert in any room) so SS took on that attitude & was duped into revealing he had tried synthetic pot. His lying has evolved and he will only usually reveal stuff he thinks you already know about, but not one word unless you busted him red-handed or trick him into blabbing.

Rags's picture

Time to let SS-17 deal with the authorities for flaunting the law and your household standards of behavior.

Some times true and severe consequences are the only thing morons understand.

Call the police and let them dig into SS's crimes.