After years of reading and learning here, I'm feeling confident about a boundary. No guilt.
So, when SS12 was in first grade, he started participating in the local kids' bowling league -- every Saturday morning from September through March. I don't like bowling. And standing around in a noisy, crowded alley that smells like fried food (I can't fathom wanting fried pickles at 9 am) was not my idea of a good Saturday morning. But, I went because I wanted to be supportive and a part of things.
This went on for three years. The pandemic shut things down of one year, then the next year BM and DH weren't comfortable with it from a Covid standpoint. Last year it didn't come up.
Two days ago, BM texted DH that SS was asking about doing bowling again. DH groaned. He's the one who got SS into it in the first place, but he no longer enjoys it. Also, we used to live 5 minutes from the alley. Now it's more like 20. Things have been stressful lately for both of us with work and Saturdays are our only lazy mornings.
But this is what always happens. SS wants something. BM is ok with it. DH is the one who says no. I don't know if BM is genuinely cool with everything SS wants, doesn't bother to think it through, or sometimes wants to say no but leaves it up to DH.
SS plays baseball and wants to try out for the track team. DH expressed concern that he was getting into too much. She said there shouldn't be overlap. So, it's probably happening. DH told her fine, but he's not going to be there on her weeks.
I told DH I don't intend to be there. I need my Saturdays. I show up for baseball and anything else but I am now drawing a line on bowling. Life's too short.
Thank goodness DH understands and supports me in that.
We also have a bet going on how long it will take for SS to show up with two new bowling balls, shoes and a bag, plus whatever other paraphernalia he asks for.
Whatever. One of the real annoyances is the pattern. BM always says yes. If it's a bad idea or a problem in any way (like when SS asked to change the changeover day), it's totally on DH to say no. Otherwise, SS would never hear the word at all.
Anyway, it's not a big deal. It's a normal activity that SS enjoys. Fine. Nothing to complain about. I'm just easily annoyed these days.