SD16's heartache over stupid BM
Last night SD16's cheer team won county championships. It was a huge win for them and SD16 was beyond excited and really proud of herself (as DH and I were also). My Mom, Stepdad, DH, and DD7 were all there to cheer her on of course BM was too busy to make the 45 minute drive to actually watch one of her kids.
SD16 is so excited and as soon as she gets in the car she wants to call BM. This is the convo
SD: Mom, we won counties!! I can't believe it we did awesome.
BM: That's nice honey. I cut my toe this morning and it’s red and swollen.
SD: Sorry to hear that Mom, what happened?
BM: I ran into something in the kitchen.
SD: Ouch, Do you need to go to the Dr?
BM: I don't think so but I can't get around too good.
SD: So Mom Regionals are on Saturday at 4. Do you think you can make it? I think the college it's being held at is closer to you this time.
BM: Now it’s bleeding again.
At this point I look over and see utter heartbreak on SD16's face and I tell her loudly to just hang up the phone.
SD: Oh ok bye Mom. I'll see you in a couple of weeks
BM: Why can't you come this weekend?
SD: I have regionals Mom. I'll call you later.
After she hangs up she says "why doesn't she care?"
I had no idea what to say to this kid who just wants her Mom's attention and love. I am only her step mom and I will never be able to fill that void for her no matter how many competitions, practices, dinners, tampon runs I do for her.
I hope one day these BM's wake up and realize how much they have missed out on their kids lives because of their own selfish agendas.
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Comments
Thanks Sally. I was actually
Thanks Sally. I was actually talking to DH about this last night and how one day BM is going to step up and want to be Mom of the Year after all the hard work that we put in with this kid.
A part of me will always be on gaurd with SD16 which is sad for both of us.
That poor girl. I'm sure she
That poor girl. I'm sure she has her teenage moments like the rest but this makes me feel so bad for her.
She does have horrible teen
She does have horrible teen moments that drive me up the wall but no one deserves to be ignored by her mother.
Sounds like your doing all
Sounds like your doing all you can. Keep it up. she will come to appreciate it one day. I did with my step mom!
It is so sad when these mom's
It is so sad when these mom's put everything else above their own children. Our BM has nothing to do with my SS16. I can't even use the excuse anymore that SD18 is so time consuming. She is off at college now. She has an obligatory dinner with him every 6 weeks for about an hour and half. So sad.
I have the same fear that I have been raising him all these years and someday she will try and plug back in and he will run to her and DH and I get left in the dirt. DH doesn't think so, but I do. Because of that, I am guarded with him. He is my son and doesn't know that, but I do.
He is starting to look at colleges this next month. I can't decide whether to go with him and DH. I know I should because DH is clueless with some of this, but I feel major overstepping. Also, it is something that as it moves farther along, I am more and more the "Mom" and that just sets me up to hurt.
I understand 100% everything
I understand 100% everything you just posted. We have to walk a fine line between parenting and not over stepping our boundaries.
I actually set up a few college visits for SD16 that I will be touring with her. This is for purely selfish reasons. I want her to go away for college!
Not overstepping to do the
Not overstepping to do the college tour. Just look at it as a fun adventure with your husband. If you don't go, that will be time you are missing him instead. Remind yourself you're doing for your lover and life partner. You are not doing it because you are the mom.
I think if you look at it like that you will both get more out of it and feel less hurt if the boy rejects at you some point.
I don't look at it as an
I don't look at it as an opportunity to spend time with husband. He will drive me nuts on these visits. We spend plenty of time together. Marriage is great. This is about me putting all the effort in for him to go off to college. There is a lot of work in it, shopping, planning and teaching him things. All that effort and BM will swoop in and get involved and I will be pushed out of the way.
I agree with Sally. Guard
I agree with Sally. Guard yourself. We were custodial because BM abandoned SD to move 800 miles away. We did homework, sports, rides, etc. As soon as BM showed some interest aka needed child care for her other 5 kids, it was Dad and SM who? We are persona non grata because BM wants it that way.