So tired of the shit
I'm just livid today. This whole bullshit with SS14 and the way DH handles it and treats me when the child does such terrible things is sending me over the edge. I'm to the point that I don't know that I ever want SS14 to come home. And I'm getting to the point that I don't know that I even want DH at home. Counseling on Thursday seemed to help, and it seemed as though DH was starting to see that this isn't just me saying he does these things and that he is constantly making excuses for a child who is old enough to know the difference between right and wrong. And then on Friday when DH apologized and said he's sorry he hasn't been a very good husband but he is going to do his best to be the husband I deserve...and then BAM! Monday morning and here I am...pissed off because the evil brat has his cell phone back (behind my back). I'm hoping it was MIL who gave it to the kid (although from the beginning I didn't feel the phone should even be with MIL it should be with US) and DH didn't agree to it...although that will open a whole other issue as she is a bone of contention for her manipulative, lying, drama queen behavior. But I have a feeling it was DH and he intentionally kept it from me. And I'm sure there will be an argument because I had the phone suspended. It is unusable and I intend to keep it that way. I'm so tired of the constant conflict caused by this kid!!! I'm getting ready to just throw my hands up, throw in the towel and move my biokids and myself out of our home. The home I had prior to marrying DH because I just don't want to deal with it anymore. I'll go somewhere...rent a place, stay at the camp for the summer, something. I don't know if I'll even be able to look at DH when I get home tonight.
I wish this kid would go to court and say I want to live with Mom. He's old enough. Then I can be done with the shit. Other than the fact that DH is a pussy and isn't standing up for his family because he's too busy looking at ways to make excuses for this kid and is now turning into the "be your buddy like BM is" shit.
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I have some of the same
I have some of the same problems. my sd14 lies,steals,no hygeine. and dh always said I was overreacting so when i finally was done, I knew. I looked at him and her and said she leaves or the two of you leave. and he sent her. there are of course are still problems concerning her because she is at her aunts BM is a lowlife and in jail. but we can at least focus on us. I don't know where your breaking point is but don't loose it take control. I know i made it sound easy but it wasn't six years i took ridiculous shit from them. give him a chance to be a man. but go if he doesn't then keep with it. there has to be other options.
I am recently wed, too. The
I am recently wed, too. The first year is very hard when there are difficult stepkids. I just lived it. But for us, it is getting better. We are at 18 months now.
Within the first two weeks of marriage I told him A) I couldn't possibly survive the way SD13(at the time) was treating me.
this couldn't possibly work if he tried to weigh SD13 version of events versus mine mine as if her viewpoint was just as valid as mine. I told him if he couldn't perceive me as a responsible adult who could be trusted to report accurately over a child then we were doomed.
That helped a lot and there were many steps forward. But there were also steps backward. At about 3 months in I told him if SD13 needed even MORE of his attention then I would move back to my own house on weekends. Or maybe he could live in my house and HE go back to his house on weekends while my life stayed stable in my own house.
Luckily for me, he was mortified by this suggestion. He really hunkered down and tried. It took a lot of work-work-work-workety-work-work on both our parts and none of it has been easy.
But at the 18 month mark, we have made enough progress that we feel very solid with each other and SDnow14 is the one in therapy, thank heaven.
Don't know what the answers are for you, but just wanted to say I have quite recently lived through those first terrifying and miserable months of steplife. With a good partner and a lotta blood sweat and tears, it is possible to make it back to the land of sunshine and rainbows where love is in the house and you are back in charge of your own life as any adult ought to be.
Best of luck to you. Sooooooooo glad I'm over that part.
Thank you both! I am
Thank you both! I am incredibly appreciative of your stories, advice and suggestions. I am close to my breaking point. Actually I'm pretty much there and that was discussed a bit in counseling today. Some "arrangements" were made and compromises and DH has now been given all responsibility for discipline of SS and for discussing in a "meeting" with the three of us what so expected of SS and what SS must do. We will see how this goes. I spoke to my DD and she is okay with this plan. We look at it as giving SS a chance to prove his intentions, good or bad, and DH to prove he will "go to bat" for our family and when having to address the situation with SS he can't be making excuses for him. If SS doesn't do what's necessary to start the repairing of the damage he caused...his time in this home will come to a close. If DH doesn't do his part and doesn't discipline and hold SS accountable, well then his time in this home will come to a close also. DD knows she has my full support and we will give them this chance together. She doesn't want to lose her stepdad anymore than I want to lose my husband, however she knows I won't tolerate the behavior anymore. We're both counting on him to step up to the plate. SS has an appt with the counselor next week, DD has her own appt and DH and I have an appt together. I guess we'll have a lot to talk about.
This counselor is going to be able to retire off my effed up family alone!
Oh, my, yes, that is a big
Oh, my, yes, that is a big ole therapy bill, indeed. But, as my DH said a couple days ago, it may well be the best money you ever spent. Here's to hoping you have a great counselor! Or should I say counseling staff!