Well SD will not be attending any normal 4 year college
In addition to the abismal grades..her SAT score came in...980. That will not get her into any traditional 4 year school. Just like DH has been saying. I feel for DH..he is a smart man for the most part (except for relationships..he has no clue on those)....and to have two kids that are well...dumb as a post..is hard on him. Neither skid got any of his brains....they are both just like Beaver.
So...SD's best bet is community college and then maybe transfer.
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Has SD accepted
the reality yet? Sounds like my SS18......oh I still have time, it will all work out, blah blah blah, denial denial denial
Same here...oh I have plenty of time
its ok..it will be fine...blah, blah, blah....
It's for the best
I'm a big fan of community college. Imo, many people are just not ready, educationally or emotionally, for traditional 4-year college. Heck, your SD may not even be ready for CC but thats a more reasonable place to start. I also wouldn't discount the trades. My SD61 made more from the investment we made in beauty school than DD did from her 4-year degree.
College isnt for everybody...
We wanted SD to go to beauty school
since she likes that stuff..but its a no....Beaver told her that wasn't a good career. Sigh
What is Beavers grand idea?
What is Beavers grand idea?
For SD to go into HR just like her
That's a Shame
Because the anti aging industry is exploding and cosmetology is merging with pharmaceuticals.
My friends sister (who does
My friends sister (who does my hair) owns her business and does VERY well. She's also a fantastic parent to 3 girls and a hard worker. Beaver saying it "isn't a good career" just sounds stereotypical of hairdressers or anything in that industry.
She thinks shes got plenty of time to "figure things out".
They get so focused on the here and now, they dont see the big picture, they dont think ahead to the future.
SD Power Sulk is smart enough, shes just soooooooooo freeeeeeeaking lazy. Too much Toxic Troll who spends more time figuring out ways to avoid work and get free money than actually working for things.
hell, my youngest was
hell, my youngest was thinking college in 8th grade and knew he needed the grades and community activity to get into a good school for pre-med.
My oldest went to college and ended up majoring in ultimate frisbee (no this is not a thing, he flunked out..so frikkin proud). College isn't always a good fit for everyone but your SD-PS seems to be leaning more into her mom's ways than her own future and she's not even giving herself a fair chance. :(
We have a combo
of SD being not the brightest bulb, being lazy and no encouragment from Beaver. Its a trifecta
Just to give you a little bit
Just to give you a little bit of hope. It might take her a while, but she could be successful.
I graduated from high school with a 1.6 GPA and a 980 as my exact SAT score.
I am now middle aged, but between the ages of 40 and 50 something I earned an associates degree, a bachelors degree, and a masters degree.
All with highest honors.
I had undiagnosed ADD. Once I was medicated for it, I was able to be very successful in my life. Not saying that she has that issue, but some people bloom later in life.
In other words, I don't think her grade point average and SAT score mean that she's dumb. I'm far from dumb but my priorities at 18 were not what they should be.
Uh..980 was with her add meds and accomodations
while I understand what you are saying...trust me when I say...she isn't the brightest bulb.
Do Beaver and SD realize that
Do Beaver and SD realize that accomodations do not automatically follow to college and the onus is on the student to request accomodations (and provide the relevant documentation)?
Neither one cares....
SD doesn't want to be "differnt" so she balks at taking her meds and/or accomodations. Beaver doesn't like that DH was the one that pushed and had SD diagnosed....Beaver just says its SD's "personalilty".
Has anyone explained to her
Has anyone explained to her that she'd be less "different" if she actually took her meds ...?
and we explained that we all take meds..and that its normal. However, SD wants to appease Beaver so bad she will listen to everything she says over us every single time.
Intelligence isn't just
Intelligence isn't just innate, studies have proven IQ increases for those who make an effort. It sounds like BM is a poor role model and has raised a lazy complacent kid, with unrealistic expectations.
This is very true
its always.."well you doing your bessstttttt".
No really neither skid put forth effort.
Not all kids are meant to go
Not all kids are meant to go to college, some of them end up working a trade and excelling at that. I really hope he’s a smart enough man to determine that it’s not just nature which decides a person’s intelligence, but that a lot of it has to do with nurture as well.
I will say this...the man has tried with SD
but she resists everything he says..because Beaver contradicts it constantly and makes SD take the path of least resistance.
Where does your DH see SD
Where does your DH see SD living once she turns 18? Will she be living in the Beaver den, or does he think she and her drama will still be with you on the regular? That's what I'd be worrying about.
SD thinks she will move into a condo that we own
free of rent and she can sit around and do nothing.
That is a NO..
1. Both kids that live there now..pay rent. Even my DD that is a full time student. DS pays rent. DD and DS split the utilities.
2. DH has already said..no job or no school with at least a B..your not living there.
3. We may sell the condo.
DH has flat out told her..until she has a plan..school, full time job....then she will not be moving to the condo.
Are your kids moving out? I
Are your kids moving out? I remember one was going to be off to St. Andrews. I assume you wouldn't stick your kids with SD and her drama.
I had a good friend in HS who
I had a good friend in HS who had lower test scores than your SD (she took the ACT, with accommodations for ADHD, but her composite was equivalent to a lower SAT score than 980). She ended up at a 4 year directional state school, graduated in 4-1/2 years and is gainfully employed. While she was far from the sharpest tool in the shed, she was high effort, outgoing, polite, personable and willing to ask for help and accept guidance/criticism. Unfortunately, that doesn't sound like your SD.
My husband is also ADHD, didn't do well in school at all (would have been a disaster in college) and took the military route then learned his trade on the job once he was out. He does OK for himself and makes more than some college grads I know. I have a couple other friends who went to beauty school and have good jobs now, one cutting hair and the other an aesthetician (sp?). College isn't for everyone!
Unfortunately, it sounds like Beaver is pointing SD in the wrong direction and setting her up to fail. It's too bad she won't listen to her father.
I disagree with Beaver.
I disagree with Beaver. Beauty school could be a great option for her especially since she's interested in it. As long as she gets the full cosmetology license and not just nails or skin, she can do it all. It's also a good money maker if she changes course to do something else.
I might sit SD down and spell things out for her. How making her own choices and money will empower her, and do better than Beaver. ( that's the crux of it, Beaver doesn't want her kids to do better than her.). You can say it without putting her down to SD.
We tried that ...
unfortunately SD is so concerned with getting Beaver's approval..if Beaver doesn't agree then SD is a NO.
You are right..and I have said it before..she doesn't want her kids to do better than her.
I think cosmetology gets a bad rap. My SD61, not the sharpest person, made decent money and better yet, when she had 2 small kids, installed a chair in her basement "shop" and was able to work from home when that was unusual.
Observing the stylists I've had over the years, the ones who handle it professionally do well. Continuing education, worth ethic, positive personality, working in a shop that's run well. They seem to have as much work as they want. As DH said when SD went to beauty school, "The world will always need barbers".
The only downside I can see is being on your feet all day.
Shoulder problems and
Shoulder problems and varicose veins are biggies. My dad and uncle were barbers and I and many cousins have done hair also. It's not a bad way to go.
Not everyone is "smart" in
Not everyone is "smart" in the same way. There are lots of straight A kids that may not be naturally smart.. but are very hard working. There may be kids that are super technically smart.. could be an engineer.. but have zero ability to manage in the realm of common sense.. Some fields require more common sense working things out.. some require a lot of memorizing.. and some would need some aptitude (I would put the arts in that category.. either you have musical talent.. artistic talent.. or you don't..you can improve.. but natural ability will generally outstrip that)
I also was not ready for College.. though I did get quite good SAT's.. and my grades were good enough to get me in an ivy league school.. (not harvard.. but one of the better schools in the country).. which I spectacularly made it only through one semester.. the culture was a horrible fit for me. I wasn't ready for the rigor of the academics.. more in a party mode. so.. yeah.. I went to work for a few years.. then back to CC.. then to a 4 year.. then worked a bit more before I got my Masters.
Sometimes people have to develop that spark and interest.. and that will make them more engaged in the work. She may find that working a dead end job for a few years motivates her to do more/better.
The mantra my parents always gave me was don't shut out your options..don't get PG.. don't get arrested.. don't get hooked on drugs.. etc..
Maybe CC will be a start for her.. or maybe just going to work and seeing where things go..
My husband too is very smart and has risen the corporate
Ladder in his industry and well respected in his company and some very well known people in that industry.
Skids however have not inherited that trait. Sure 2 have graduated uni some units had a grades some didn't, all that realky means is they're great at remembering stuff but putting it into practice, yaking initiative wnd using your brain to get jobs, nope, without my husband and his connections, they are not capable of getting jobs.
the only reason they got jobs was as a favour to my husband
Community college is a great
Community college is a great idea, IMO. Especially for people who aren't sure what they want to do with their lives. It saves a ton of money too. Nothing wrong with it at all.
And college isn't for everyone. what about learning a trade? My nephew went this route and is making really good money doing HVAC.
She could also just work for a while. I don't remember her work history off the top of my head, if she WOULD work, but it's an option. Maybe she'll discover something she likes to do?
Just a few ideas off the top of my head.
Some people just aren't
Some people just aren't college material. And some are below average intelligence wise. That's just how it is. Plenty of other options out there for those gir whom academics just isn't the right path.
Character can overcome lack of brains.
Sadly, those without character seem to abandon their brains.
My SS-30's Spermidiot is very smart. He is just an idiot. A wilfully idiotic person. He works harder avoiding work and success than he would if he actually embraced doing the work and succeeding.
Very close friends that my brother and I were raised with demonstrate this characteristic. Three girls, one my age, one my brother's age, and one in the middle. The eldest is stunningly beautiful and intelligent. #2 has a 140+ IQ. #3 is mid way between #1 and #2. #i is very successful in non profit management and cause oriented organizational leadership. #3 is an extremely successful corporate Sr. leader. #2, speaks several languages but has not done much beyond maintain an middle of the road career and life. All three were incredible children. #1 and #2 have thrived and succeeded as professional adults. #2 demonstrated a high level of early career success until....she started sleeping with her married bosses, was ejected from a couple of coutries where she was working as an expat when she started hooking up with bosses. To avoid embarrassment, to preserve customer relationships, and to help the cheating indiginous bosses save face... her sponsored visas were pulled and she was put on a plane. Yes, the bosses were worse. But, for a genious... she is an idiot.
Character counts and can overcome brains while a lack of character can undermine even a genious.