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Beaver has lost the ability to read...or well just doesn't want to

halo1998's picture

Submitted by halo1998 on Tue, 04/11/2023 - 6:33am

DH does attempt to communicate with Beaver on a limited basis.  He will NOT  talk to her on the phone..but we send messages on Our Family Wizard.  OFW..was court ordered since Beaver likes to play the ...I didn't get the emai., phone, text message, smoke signal game..and OFW shows when it was sent and when it was read.  Has come in so handy over the years to combat Beaver's failed memory.  Beaver does not like OFW for the exact reason we like it...it prevents her from lying.

The latest....Beaver has told SD..she will no longer read anything that DH sends. Why...who TF knows...he uses the BIFF method and they are short and sweet.  Going to be interesting here in a few months when we take SD for vacation and Beaver is left wondering where the hell is SD.....since she won't read the vacation email.  This woman is freaking 47 years old heaven sake.  I mean I don't communicate with the Village Idiot but that is because my kids are 21 and 24.  SD is still a minor and still under a shared parenting plan.

I did tell DH last night..I feel like we are stuck and can't make plans to move forward with life due to SD's inability to make any sort of future plans.  DH is all like..I just want to wait and find out what SD is doing....UGHGHHHGGGGGG...I want to plan our future there DH.

Comments

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Tue, 04/11/2023 - 6:48am

So now you know where SD gets her inability to plan. Let him sit around twiddling his thumbs while you very visibly get on with your nicely planned and organized life. He's living proof that not everyone learns from experience.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Tue, 04/11/2023 - 8:20am

So, plan the next 5 years. Sd's life choices are hers. 

My kids were both a little shocked when we told them we were buying our retirement house in the midwest. I reminded them that we won't be leaving until they have both graduated, BS will have 1 year left of college and DD will be in her freshman year, or joined the military. Where we live doesn't impact them anymore at that point. They can come with, they can stay here, they can live in Maryland with/near their dad, they can go where the military takes them! They will be adults.

I will always help and support them (emotionally) but at that point, they have to figure things out. They both agreed, they will be adults and it isn't like I am throwing them on the streets- they will have places to live. It just won't be in our current house in VA at that point. 

TrueNorth77's picture

Submitted by TrueNorth77 on Tue, 04/11/2023 - 11:24am

This is exactly how I think of growing up and being empty-nesters. Everyone is free to make their own choices and moves- it doesn't mean the relationship is over, you just adjust and make the effort to see each other long-distance. I don't think those choices should necessarily be based on where your family is though, unless that is where you truly want to live. 

TrueNorth77's picture

Submitted by TrueNorth77 on Tue, 04/11/2023 - 11:14am

I feel like I will be writing this exact blog in 4 years. Crazy also tries to get DH to use other modes of communication aside from OFW- she says it's "expensive and doesn't understand the need". Well, as the HC person and not realizing you are the conflict, I guess you wouldn't understand that...but we aren't opening up any other forms of communication. I expect her to resort to "not reading messages", or some sort of boycott of OFW, but then she will just be out of the loop with no other way to contact DH. 

Also, DH has already alluded to us not being able to make plans to move out of state after SD graduates because we "don't know where skids will be"...out of state, in our state....I said, well DH, that shouldn't matter. We are not going to just live where they are. They will probably live in separate states- SS's career choice isn't in our state, and I doubt SD would end up where SS does. Also, we are adults, and I'm not going to sit around and wait for them to decide their lives before we can decide ours. 

I would probably start the ball rolling if I were you, and be like, I did my time DH- was a SM this whole time, and now SD is old enough to start making adult decisions and decide her path, and even if she doesn't have it all figured out, that's ok, but I'm not going to put my life on hold for her anymore. I get to be the priority now. I would promptly start researching homes in locals I'm interested in and show DH. 

halo1998's picture

Submitted by halo1998 on Tue, 04/11/2023 - 12:22pm

its was the email that there was a bill with the Dr's office for almost 1k..and that he had paid it.  Her portion was about $300.  We haven't seen then $300 yet (probably see that just this shy of never).

I suspect the reading boycott is because DH had the audacity to send an email asking for payment.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 04/15/2023 - 8:14pm

her choices. 

Review all of the communication on OFW with SD. She needs to see that her father is engaged, cares, and that her mother is a willfully neglectful dumb ass.

Tell BM you are going on vacation, via OFW, then go on vacation.  If BM gets twisted up, bare her ass in court showing that BM has not read her OFW account. and that DH has been diligently complying with the CO.

It is on BM that she is an idiot..

We did most of our Custody/Visitation/Support blended family journey before OFW, and mostly before cell phones. So it was land lines, answering machines (those tapes were golden in court), recordings of every phone call with the SpermClan, comprehensive journaling on everything SpermClan related, etc.....

When e/m became more prevalent and Cell phones did become a thing, it took them many years to adopt them.

So, it was ranting SpermGrandHag creaping harpy phone calls (recorded), rants on our answering maching, and them loading SS up with "your nice life is because we pay CS", etc... Keeping in mind that for 9+ years CS was never higher than $133/mo.

I would use every tool availabe to keep BM shoved under her rock and protect the marriage and the SD from the idiot BM.