A shame
I peruse through here when I have little to do at work in order to gain some understanding from my step dad's point of view. I came to this site after hearing a guy at work complaining about his grown step children & he sounded just like my step dad... he was annoyed that the SC come over & he wished that they would just go away. I wondered if this just wasn't the normal attitude of step parents.
But I found that to be wrong. Most step parents are actually looking out for the SC's best interest, taking an interest in the SC's, & even trying to make them part of their family. So that just means my step dad (& the other guy) is just a jerk.
There we were, three women living in this house: my grandmother, my mother & myself (of course I was a little girl still.) We took care of each other because the solid foundation of our family had long ago past away (my grandfather) & the last man of the house had been a bully. He was long gone, thank goodness. Then my current step father came in. Not a bully, but a decent man. We three women - all only children - genuinely liked him & welcomed him into our home & our family. But he never wanted to be a part of the family. All he wanted was my mother, & one day the rest of us would go away. He made up his mind that it's what he wanted & it's been that way ever since, with him tolerating my grandmother's & my own presence. I mean, I wanted him to be a part of my family so badly I even changed my last name to his, not that he even noticed. Now I've just given up.
I see all these other people who genuinely care about their step kids & want them to be a part of their family, & I can't help but think "what a petty man." It's really a shame.
Comments
hipichik
You sound like you have your head on straight. I say it was and is his loss! Maybe he's just not capable of being/doing what you want him to. Maybe one day he will see what he missed.
In my case I probably care too much about my stepson. I get my feelings walked on a lot but I think it has made me a stronger person.
Dawn
Crazy
I'm definitely stronger for it, although a little bitter. I think it's because he was the adult & I was the kid. In my mind I guess I thought he should have taken an adult's role in this.
Yes, I've gone crazy, but many people have driven me here.
it is a shame
because here some of us are just dying to be a part of our sc's life and mean-spirited people like bb have to stand in the way. then you have a sweet girl like you who just wanted a little attention and love and you get a shadow of a father. i'm sorry. sometimes life seems so unfair...
like all of life's tragedy we must forge ahead and let go of things we cannot change. it wasn't your fault, you were just a child. forgive him and realize that it is his loss, his malfunction, his problem, not yours. just live your life happy and be sure to that you don't allow another child to feel the way you did.
much love,
lmdavi0
always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.
Hey Hipi....
I had a biological father that was like that as well. Didn't pay any kind of attention to my brother and myself, had an affair, wouldn't work....and so forth. I think my dad only agreed to have children because it's what my mom wanted and she was expected to do it all when it came to us.
I feel like some men have that "fatherly" instinct and some just don't. Just like some moms, even though it should be engrained in them. I think it is so wonderful that you've reached the conclusion that he isn't worth trying to figure out. You are a wonderful girl and you're rising above it. Just make sure that you find a man worthy enough.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Just as...
Some women have the motherly instincts and some just DON'T. And he may not even realize that he is being this way. My StepMonster (putting it nicely) is the same way, but she actually has a daughter of her own. One in which lived with her Dad 90% of the time. She has no business being a mom, and has caused nothing but heartache with my sisters and I. I completely understand where you are coming from and KUDOS for rising above. You will be a better parent because of this someday.
Daddys Gurl
CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?
The sad truth is...
...life sometimes just sucks. Some people make it a little nicer place than when they came into the world, others just...the...best things can be said...is..."they are there."
We can make the choice to be like them or we can be who we are -- I choose to try and be someone who is good in life.
Kevin
Yeah, you're right
Honestly the man never raised his hand to me or bullied me or ever really did me harm. I don't know why it bothers me so much. He's just a guy, y'know.
Oh well, I'm about to leave work. Hope everyone has a good evening!
Hipi