I'm slow to anger, but last weekend I bottomed out and finally allowed myself to express feelings bottled up for months and years.

My fiancee is saddled with a 30-year old BD, who has two sons, bs12 and bs 7, and is in her 8th month of pregnancy. They all live with the fiancee. I have my own residence. BD 30 has struggled with various emotional disorders, drug addiction (she seems not to have used for about a year, although she may have relapsed briefly from time to time), unemployment, and legal problems, including theft from a Target store. She has lived with fiancee since 2004, never has contributed to rent, utilities, or upkeep of home.

BS 12 and BS 7 exhibit various dysfunctional behaviors. BS 12 has anger problems, is obsessed with weapons, and has a history of threatening people with knives, clubs, bb guns, etc. He is an accomplished liar, thief, bully, and coward. He's been "in the system" before, and is familiar to various social workers, court advocates, counselors, and police officers. BS 7 is following in the same path. BM of these two has no parenting skills, and frequently is absent from the home. BF of the older lives 200 miles away; BF of the younger is unknown. BF of the expectant child is a 20-something drug user living with his mother. He is barely employed.

In addition to these three, BD 30's ex-husband "moved in" to fiancee's house. He is 42 and unemployed, and contributes very little to my fiancee's household, either in work or money. He has abused drugs in the past and has an appetite for drink. BD30 wants him around to "help out" while she's pregnant. Fiancee was not consulted or even told he was moving in. He just started showing up. However, this character may soon be leaving as he has been caught once again driving without a license, so after 18 similar offenses, he may be off to jail. Thank goodness!

None of these people receives any kind of counseling or help beyond SNAP and other financial aids.

Fiancee has wanted me to be a role model for her two grandson (BS12 and BS7). At this, I am an utter failure. They neither listen nor understand who I am and what values I represent. As a result, they have little use for me. Example: over the summer, I taught BS 12 how to repair bicycles and gave him some tools. Tools are now gone, and all the lad had done is destroy bicycles, including his brother's (shot out tires with BB gun).

When I arrived at fiancee's home Sunday evening, I got drawn into a situation where BS 12 had threatened to beat a neighbor boy (an allegation I believe). The boy's uncle was in the front yard demanding to speak to BS 12, who was hiding in his grandmother's bedroom. Fiancee (grandmother) was in denial of her grandson's actions. BD 30 and her ex-husband were, of course, gone. I had to defuse the situation. I finally advised uncle to not get in trouble (he wanted to handle situation himself), and instead call the police. In this state, threats that cause concern for bodily harm are misdemeanor assaults.

I certainly don't relish a 12-year-old being charged with assault, but it seems enabling to try to protect him from the consequences of his actions. He's been protected before and it doesn't seem to help him. Did I do right? Fiancee and BD 30 aren't too pleased with what I did. Grudgingly admit that I was right, but seem sullen.

I am having trouble "lovingly detaching" from this gang of liars and bullies and addicts. I want to get fiancee away from this horrid situation (I have dozens of stories). When we are in "my world," everything is fine, she is relaxed and comfortable; but in "her world," I get anxious and depressed, and she is overwhelmed by all the needless drama and toxicity of the relationships in her household. I have told fiancee that BD30 and her two sons can never live with us. She said nothing. I have also spoken to her about her enabling behavior that hurts BD 30 and the two sons, but I get no response. The enabling continues, especially the financial aid from fiancee.

I'm really trying to save and grow the relationship with fiancee, but the troubles and dramas of BD 30 and her two boys are a problem I can't solve, as they are not interested in living like normal people. Do you think this relationship can be saved? And if so, then how?