Last night was one of those really good ones with the family, though my daughter was with her dad. I really wish she could have been there.

I brought home pizza for the family and we ate and talked and then decided we'd give SS a little driving lesson in the driveway. I was the one who got in my Jeep with him and helped him while SO filmed it. It's been a while since SS and I have had a little bonding session and it was so nice. After that, he asked if I would play basketball with him and we did that for a while and then SD came out and played with us as well. Then we all watched hockey and talked and the older SD came over and joined us. Once it was time for the kids to go to bed, SO and I had a long talk about some issues he's seeing with younger SD and her reluctance to work hard on things. I know it's a big struggle for him because this is how her mother and older sister are and he so desperately doesn't want her to give up on things and be like that because he sees how unhappy it has made them.

This just reminds me that family life is an ebb and flow. It's been ebbing for a while--I haven't felt connected to the kids as we've all been busy and I haven't spent much time with them and they've seemed to be in their own little worlds (pre-teens!). But last night was definitely a 'flow' night where it all just worked.

One other thing: SD overheard SO and I talking about a new job I got with a client out of California (I do a lot of freelance writing) and she pulled me aside and asked if I was going to move to California. You could tell it really worried her. I assured her no, we're not going anywhere. SO asked what we were talking about and I told him. In my mind, I added, "If we got married, these kids would not be worried about us leaving--they would know this is permanent and they can count on me and my daughter always being here" but of course I didn't say that. But SO is a smart guy and a deep thinker--I'm sure he's processing that and doesn't need me to tell him.

Speaking of SO, we are also in an ebb phase and I'm trying not to worry about it. He isn't saying "I love you" before bed every night like usual, seems distracted. I feel like Maya Rudolph in Bridesmaids when her friend asks her how her relationship is doing: "I dunno, he's calling me dude a lot." HA! But again, just like the family, you can't have the flow without the ebb. Unlike me (and most women), our relationship is not first and foremost on his mind all the time. He'll come back around. My mantra is always 'Let him go and then welcome him back'.