You are here

BM manipulation and control makes the kids cry (full moon last night BTW)

Glassslipper's picture

Both skids have phones, after a whole night of nasty emails from BM because "SD isn't answering my texts!" I have had ENOUGH!
SD is 10, she was at play rehearsal from noon to 5, and when I carpooled her friend home she was invited to play in the pool, and I picked her up at 9pm. BM is furious and verbally abusing DH and SD because SD did not replying to her texts.
I still have yet to figure out how she would reply while in the pool???
SD was all frustrated and sad because she had 27 missed text messages from her mom DEMANDING an answer, and stating things like "hello! don't you know how to text" and "Hello!" and "I see you only answer when its convenient for you"
We explained to BM she was in the pool! but she still doesn't GET IT!
We have had to deal with 2 other situations last summer and the summer before with the cops showing up at our house because BM didn't get a text back within 60 minutes while the kids were in the pool.
This woman has NO CLUE!
Luck for SS14, he is "in trouble" and got his phone taken away because he didn't vacuum the rug well enough and therefor is not "appreciative" of BM. He said he is GLAD he doesn't have his phone because now he doesn't have to deal with answering texts!
I'm damn near ready to cut off phone use if she is going to keep being nasty to DH and the skids because they don't DROP everything to text her back immediately.
What can I do, other than taking the phones away I would have to set the phones to alarm every two minutes so they can drop EVERYTHING to check for a text from BM.
Maybe I should set up an alarm in the house and yard and every two minutes we can have the alarm sound so we can all check our phones and emails just in case BM texts!
The full moon NEVER makes life easy!

Comments

Glassslipper's picture

We don't have anything in writing, but I wish we did, poor SD now is living through the manipulation and verbal abuse SS had too and in turn BM is also dishing it out to DH!
She had and ipod with KIK on it and BM used to text her there, was also manipulative and abusive as hell to the kids if they didn't respond quick enought, even said things like "I see I'm not your favorite anymore since your not answering me"
Woman is so abusive!

Glassslipper's picture

I think that is a good idea, maybe tell BM if your going to keep manipulating and abusing them and making them afraid and anxious about the punishment if they don't respond immediately, we will be removing your phone access to them in our home

Glassslipper's picture

exactly the same situation for my skids, and I hate that they are so scared, and making excuses to cover for not texting back while playing with their friends or going to a movie or swimming, like the would should stop for big fat psychotic BM!

ItsGrowingOld's picture

BM is interfering with your DH's parenting time and, IMHO, instilling fear and anxiety in SD10. What does the parenting plan say about access to the children in the other parents home?

There isn't anything you can do about this. But there is something your DH can do. Petition for a solid court ordered parenting plan that both parents adhere to.

It's frustrating watching train wreck BM's mess with their children's lives Sad

Glassslipper's picture

We don't have anything in the parenting plan but I think it's time to set something up rather than watch her interfear, manipulate and abuse them.
I guess I'm growing tired of watching them be abused and scared and manipulated!

sharpie47's picture

*Age 6-Given a phone which was promptly returned.

*Age 9-Given another phone, which again was promptly returned.

*Age 11-Given an Ipod, again, promptly returned.

*Age 13-Ipod sent again...and repeat of return. Smile

At all ages, the BM would harass SD with constant texting/facetiming/so on.

After consulting the attorney, DH was told to set up appropriate time for BM to contact SD via HIS phone only. You can not withhold or prevent communication, but you are allowed to limit it, and by what means to communicate with/on.

And let me tell you, other than a rare call after school, BM stopped her harassment completely. Take away her power, and she has nothing left.

Glassslipper's picture

I really want to do this!
I just simply CAN NOT watch my SD suffer anymore, its making me SICK!
I understand that they are her kids and she can manipulate and abuse them and do all the permanent mental damage she wants, but I hate that I can't protect them from her manipulation and abuse!

Glassslipper's picture

oh NO!
Does ANYONE have a rock I can hide under?
Anyone, PLEASE!!!! I'm desperate! lol

Glassslipper's picture

Got the photos, BM knows it too, for the RO, her threats and bashing screen shots were submitted to the judge. As a matter of fact the judge told the lawyers he needs this situations moved to family court because custody needs to be reviewed.

Your quote it brilliant!
"BM, this is Dad. SD is visiting me and not always available. If you do not reach her at first attempt, you can contact me. Going forward I will be monitoring her phone daily to ensure all incoming content is positive and appropriate. Thanks. Dad."

Yes, the children need to have a safe and anxiety free place to get away from her terror and abuse!

sharpie47's picture

Love the quote!

It's similar to what we had to email the BM as well. She was FURIOUS, especially when on the last phone provided (by her), she was dumb enough to add a phone to her plan. That one bit her in the butt seeing as she had to pay the cancellation fee since there was no point in having a phone that wasn't being used. And there wasn't a damn thing she could do in retaliation!

We provide SD with a phone that is left at our house, and SD is under strict instructions that she will not use the phone that we provide to contact BM. Should she want to call/text BM, she is to use DH's phone. The constant intrusion from BM with the other gadgets made SD afraid to be away from her gadgets for any length of time, which is just NUTS. Kids are too attached to technology as it is!

Advice: If that quote doesn't work, the phones/gadgets need to stay at BM's house (if she's paying for them). That stops the madness dead in it's tracks!

moeilijk's picture

I think you are being too nice to BM! I know it's not on purpose, it's because you're nice to SD!!

But actually, I think SD (and SS!) will be happy if you guys just have a no-electronics rule. I have that rule in my house... it only applies to DH since DD is 1.5 and too young yet for electronics. But once DH got a smartphone from his work, he got addicted. He was already addicted to his laptop. It's no fun for me to be married to someone whose attention is always elsewhere. I won't even go out for dinner with long-time friends if they are the ones who check their phones and take calls while we're out. (Except one exception when a dear friend finally met the love of his life, but that was a one-dinner exception!)

I tell DH the electronics are for checking first thing before DD gets up (weather, news, etc) and for playing on after dinner only. He sometimes 'cheats' but he's usually too busy to have entire conversations with other people while we're out and about. If he's not too busy, I help him with that Wink

In your shoes, I'd have the electronics available only when tv is available... I'm guessing a couple of hours in the morning/after suppper depending on your family's schedule. Then a strict electronics bedtime of 9 or 10 pm, and a special charging area for all of everyone's devices. It's just responsible electronics care lol!!