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What’s wrong with this man

Germie2's picture

Last week I noticed my BS wasn’t feeling very well for about two days and the third day I noticed he had a bit of fever, I told DH I needed to take him to a doctor/clinic, DH kept saying my BS was lying to get attention ( my kids have never been the kind who look for attention, they usually independent), and kept saying I’d waste my money taking him , me and my boys have no health insurance anymore (DH removed us from his when I complained about BM overly communicating, so he used that as a “punishment” ), i Was mad and he finally decided to drive me to the doctor and he had strep throat.  He probably reacted that way because SD pretends to have a headache when she’s asked to do something then he gives her a painkiller.

Three days ago the boys had a snack and didn’t put the empty box in the trash , DH got really mad about it and made it a big deal, now he removed the door from their bedroom because they forgot to shut their bedroom door, he saying they do this on purpose to get on his nerves , yet SD does that and even worse all the time, but I just understand she’s being a kid, and the few times I’ve brought it up it caused big Arguments with DH, and he always runs telling BM whenever I complained and BM would call ILS trying to manipulate them against me. 

DH never wants anything of him touched from wherever he leaves them and he left things on a table but accusing the kids of not cleaning them up for him. So much double standards 

Whats wrong with this man !  

Ps: I discipline my kids when they are wrong And SD is such a bad kid but no one is allowed to say a thing. 

Comments

susanm's picture

He cut off health insurance for you and your children as "punishment?"  I can't believe you are seriously listing all of these issues and asking what is wrong with him.  He is an abusive control freak.  That is what is wrong with him.  

You said that he drove you to the clinic so I am assuming you only have one car and that you do not work.  Find help from friends, family, or local social programs and get on your feet independently.  Depending on this man is insane.

Germie2's picture

 

I’ve been trying to get out for a while now, i posted about it last year . I took a lawyer a while ago and the lawyer said I should first get my immigration status situated before starting any divorce procedure. Now wAiting on a work permit so I can be able to move , I been paying my all I have on lawyer and government paperwork , it’s also the reason I can’t drive because I can only get a drivers license after all papers are done

susanm's picture

There are immigrant assistance programs that can help with this exact issue.  Men capitalizing on immigration status to essentially hold women captive is more common than many people know.  Reach out to the immigration services center, not independent attorneys, in your area.  They will be able to help you.

advice.only2's picture

Ahh the good old it’s okay and encouraged on this site when a SM removes a skid from their insurance...But when a DH removes a skid he’s a d@uche!  

TrueNorth77's picture

I hope you're joking and you can actually see the difference in these situations.... I'm fairly certain at no point did anyone here suggest a Step-parent should remove her DH and his skids as "punishment" for communicating with BM too much.

advice.only2's picture

Actually people have especially if BM is taking the skids to the doctor all the time and DH or SM has to keep paying the bills.  Trust me I understand the difference, but it’s common on here to tell a SM to do something, but if a DH does it in the same regards to their skids he is metaphoricaly crucified.

TrueNorth77's picture

Do you actually love this man? He sounds awful. There are red flags everywhere here.  

Taking your wife and her kids off your health insurance is not "punishment". It's serious. What if one of you ended up having a serious, costly illness? What would you do? You would be wracked with medical debt, all because your DH decided to "punish" you. This is not the behavior of someone who loves you, and it's not normal behavior period. It's actually quite alarming, and you should be concerned.

Tattling to BM when you have a grievance against his kids is not ok either. Is she his wife, or are you?

If I threw a temper tantrum every time skids left an empty box laying on the counter or in a cabinet I would literally be yelling at people all day long. It does annoy me and I do think that skids can be reminded and even yelled at for not cleaning up, but his reaction seems pretty extreme.

Please reconsider this marriage and leave this a*shat.

SteppedOut's picture

It's so amazing how many people do this! Like, somebody isn't going to notice the massive change? 

So odd.

ITB2012's picture

You are describing scenarios like my childhood. Do not stay. For the sake of your BS do not stay. My parents eventually divorced when I was in my 30s but it would have been better for all if they had divorced when we were kids.

Seriously, my dad accused me of faking an ear infection to get out of helping out and my mother took me in and I had a raging infection. My dad used to get mad that we moved stuff and mad that we didn't clean up. Seriously. Just like your post. I am still affected to this day (and I'm middle-aged). I feel all the time like I have to "look busy" so I don't get accused of not helping and so I don't get asked to do something where I might get yelled at...and there's no one in my life now who would do that.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Sorry, hon, but in your case, 'D' does NOT stand for 'Dear' or 'Darling'... More like D***Head...

Your H is looking for any excuse to prove that YOUR kids are as big of asshats as he and his kids are. Sorry your child has strep, but I'm glad H was proven wrong. Jerkwad. I hope you're able to find the means soon to escape this D***Head.

momof3smof2's picture

Do you have a job? If not, you need to get one, TOMORROW. 

Your husband dropped you and your sons from health insurance? You need to drop him TOMORROW. 

What you're talking about is abusive behavior...he's going WAY overboard with your boys and with you. 

Get a job (or a better one), make an exit plan. Better yet, move TOMORROW...in with a friend or family member. 

Where's the father of your sons? Is he involved at all?

Germie2's picture

I have an exit plan, I Mentioned on some of the replies and It will be illegal for me to work without a work permit, it’s already in the process ,I will have it soon. The father of my sons isn’t in the picture, he has never tried staying in contact and usually Traveling around for his business, i have had full custody of my kids for about 5 years now 

justmakingthebest's picture

Would he help get you and your son's out of this situation? I am not sure where you are from but it might be time to go back there. 

Survivingstephell's picture

Gosh people don't you read?  She said she was working on getting out, she doesn't need to be told to do that.  

 

DaniSanti83's picture

Oh no honey this man sounds like a dick! Going to his trash bag X with your problems and turns his family on you, picking on your kid. You deserve better ...show him that SOON!