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FuBaR's picture

on a few things..I was looking through a few photo albums of my husband and his children..Just looking at those photos disgust me and I fill up with anger..Why?? Because his exwife was the one who took the pictures,secondly he is always telling me how unhappy he was..Well dumbass if you were so unhappy why were you popping kids out like rabbits.. And lastly he has his wedding ring on in a few and then some class ring that Im sure is hers.I have seen this ring in a box at my in laws and if it is Im going to explode why is he keeping it, and not thrown it out.I want to ask him but I also dont want to fight..Just the mere sight of seeing them pisses me off to no end..Is this normal behavior or am I turning into some psycho wife?? Any and all advice, even if its harsh maybe thats what I need..

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stepmom929's picture

This is a little different but I used to get this way about my ss's biomom. My husband was never married to her - in fact he barely knew/knows her - but I still had so much anger toward her. In a nutshell she had her son after a BRIEF fling with my husband (before I knew him) and after he was born continued to live her LOSER life and now my husband has custody of their son. He's 6. So I have been handed ALL the motherly duties because she can't handle it.
I am just beginning after 4 years to come to peace with the thought of her. I think the way I have managed and what has helped me the most is trying to look at this from another point of view. I love my husband so much and I don't want to waste any of my life worrying about that woman. I'm sure it's harder to deal with knowing that at one point your husband loved this other woman, but you also loved others in your past. Although you didn't marry them or have kids with them, you know that it's possible to love someone and then NOT love them anymore.
Maybe just try to avoid looking at these photos/the ring/etc....It does NO good and bringing it up to your husband is just going to make it worse...is there honestly ANY excuse he can give you for still having the ring that will make you feel better about it? Can you HONESTLY say there is NOTHING you have kept from a previous relationship?
I understand how you feel, don't get me wrong, but I think the best thing to do is to be tough with yourself and try to be strong about it and remember that any stress you let this cause you is taking time away from your life and you shouldn't hand over that control to your husband's ex.

sparky's picture

Didn't you also have a life before your husband? Yeah, I think you are definitely going over board. The ring may be in a box somewhere but who cares? Most people don't throw jewelry in the garbage can. It's not on his finger now and that's all that matters. He had a life before you and it didn't work out and that is good for you because you got him now. Fubar, jump his bones and be happy because her loss is your gain. Don't let the past destroy the future.

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

BF and BM were never married, only engaged, so she had the engagement ring that was given back to BF when they split.
I found it in a box when BF asked me to grab his watch out of it. He told me that he wanted to keep the diamond and possibly put it in something else oneday, but that's the only reason why he had it. The ring as a whole or why it was brought in the first place has no importance to him now, it's just a ring (I have to admit, nice diamond, ugly style.
I wasn't very happy about it at the start, but then I remembered that I have my old engagement ring from my ex that he never wanted back, it holds no great memories or importantance to me just great value so I wanted to use the diamonds for something else as well (earrings or pendant).
Had I not had my ring I would of felt exactly the same as you but in our situation the shoe was on the other foot as well so I was able to see it from both sides and got over it quite quickly.

Anon2009's picture

and it's understandable. I've seen BM's and DH's wedding rings (in photographs). I never saw her engagement ring. I think you need to try to build your own memories with the skids. If, for whatever reason, you aren't close to them, then maybe you won't want to take pictures with them. If you are close with them, do some things together as a family, and with them individually, and you could bring a camera, take pictures and make a photo album. Because you are now married to him, you will have a lot more opportunities to take family photos with your DH than she did. You'll be taking pictures of your family on vacation, at birthday parties, holiday parties, graduations, weddings, etc. Sure, BM will be taking pictures of her kids for the same events too, but your DH won't be in them.

As long as your DH isn't looking in that photo album, and it is buried deep in the attic, I would do (and actually did) as Sparky said and don't let the past destroy your future. BM's loss is your gain.

Gmama's picture

My DH had a bunch of pics he had with him and his son when he moved in. (there were none of her at all in these pics)I scanned them all and added music and made a nice video of them,I'm on number 2 now that encludes his "new family" it's a nice keepsake for my husband( I did one with me and my kids and them and there dad)
The rings, my husbands old ring is in my jewlery box it's so beat up, bent,and cheap looking,compared to the 1/2 carot, $1000.00 ring I got him, that it's not even worth getting upset over or taking to the pawn shop. MY rings, my ex died so I put my 1/2 carot diamond in the center of my mothers ring,even though we were divorced his suicide hit me very hard and I had a lot of mixed feelings on how to feel.I'm very greatful that my husband stuck by me,( i'm not sure I could of been as supportive if it were him,)I creid many nights,and was very angry for a long long time. I hate my husbands ex to, my ex isn't here to make our life hell, but we all have a past It's what you choose to do with it.

FuBaR's picture

And yeah I was overreacting..You girls are awesome..I didnt even mention it to my husband..But I feel much better about it all now..

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Sir Winston Churchill..

BMJen's picture

psycho. I will full out admit it. Neither of us want to see anything that has anything to do with x lovers! But we are both the same so we are both okay with it. I was so mad at him in the beginning of our relationship because I had some rings and crap that my x gave me, but I had no intention of throwing them away. Well he did have exactly that intention! We fought, but they ended up gone. A few weeks later I couldn't stop noticing his watch, that SHE had given him for a, get this, anniversary gift. Well you can guess where that watch ended up!

I know, alot of people think that's crazy and why go to that extreme. But like I said, we both are exactaly the same so we both understand why we feel that way. It makes me sick to think of his previous life with her, and makes him sick to think of me with anyone else.

Plus, we look at it this way. If there is something in my life that is hurting you, or making you cringe when you look at it, or making you jealous even, please tell me. Becuase there is nothing that I have that I want to hang on to bad enough to make you feel that way. I love him. The jewlrey, f it! Wink

sam's picture

with stepmomjen because respecting eachothers feelings is very important and if one spouse feels threatned in any way regarding the others past then yes it should be dealt with or there will be hurt feelings lingering over your relationship.Also if your past is your past then get rid of anything that has to do with your past.You can only move ahead if you put your past behind.