"Daddy's little girl"
Many times I feel like the 'bad guy'. I'm constantly having to remind my DH it's ok to say 'NO' and have your teenage daughter angry at you for not getting her way. ITS NORMAL PARENTING! He likes it when she's happy, as all of us do of course. But it doesn't matter if she wants to go skydiving, you just don't jump at the chance to make this happen for her!
My stepdaughter is 14 and I've noticed the past year she seems to feel 'entitled' to certain things. She gets good grades, has good friends, is a genuanly nice person and cares for her family a lot. I love her to bits and we love treating her a bit every so often for doing a good job. Nothing wrong with that, but I feel that she's a little too spoiled. She has an iphone 6 which BM and Step Dad got for her (her 3rd phone in just over a year as she's broken every one of them!) Last week she dropped her cell phone, the screen was cracked really bad and she was balling her eyes out... what does her dad do? He takes her to get the screen fixed. What I really wanted to say was "yeah sure it sucks for her that her screen is broken but it's still workable and it's not ours to fix... and more importantly how is she going to learn to be careful with her phone (or any other responsibilities) when every time it's broken someone fixes it for her?!
If I had my way, I wouldn't fix it whether it was our phone or not. She's only 14 and in my opinion should only have a call and text phone, none of this expensive breakable smart phone crap. She's proven she's just not responsible enough at this age. When her BM took her phone away from her for a week as punishment for something - my step daughter was telling us that she's so scared of being the only kid at school without a cell phone. So what!? I know it's a teenager's world to just be able to 'fit in' but I'm sorry, real life is tough and not everything works out the way you want it to. You have to deal with it sometimes! Oh man I could go on and on on this cell phone topic but I won't.
One of the rules in our house is that my SD has chores she has to complete every week and if not everything is completed then she doesn't get allowance. The other weekend she woke up super late and struggled to get her chores done, my DH was about to go out and scoop dog poo for her and help her take the dogs for a walk in order to be sure everything was done in time. I put a stop to that as she shouldn't leave everything to the last minute and should've set her alarm if she really wanted to get everything done on time to receive allowance. What does she do? She blames her dad for not waking her up early enough!! Are you kidding me? That was a big eye opener for DH as I think he realized at that point that, if she has the nerve to blame him for this, she's expecting him to take care of this. That didn't go over too well. Shortly after it was time to take her back to her mom's house and she cried all the way there. She tried blaming me too saying that her dad took my side and always does what I tell him too. - I hardly ever correct her dad infront of her and she doesn't realize how good she's had it so far. I told her that, and also said she needed to learn a lesson. We'll see if it continues!
There are just so many more examples but I won't take up too much more room on this page... for now anyway! I know things could always be much worse, just venting!
- foreverbrunetteexblonde's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
The iPhone that BM and SF
The iPhone that BM and SF bought her should not have been fixed by your H. Let her cry and blame you. SMs are the villians, anyway. Good for your DH for backing you up.
Ugh, vent away! I know
Ugh, vent away! I know exactly what you are talking about. My SO always wants to protect SD and her precious little fee fees. He will also clean up after her or make excuses for why she didn't and blah blah blah! He doesn't let excuses like that fly for my son who is the same age! I started pointing that out to him regularly. I don't care if he wants to treat his daughter well. That is fine but she still needs to learn just like the other kids and she shouldn't be treated differently b/c that causes some major issues. We have had multiple fights about this and SO is just now starting to get it.
oh boy
Your SD sounds like my SD20 in the making. My SD moved in with us when she was 14. Claimed she was "depressed" living at GBM's and that's why she wasn't going to school and was failing. So DH felt sorry for her and let her move in with us. I told him we needed to lay down some ground rules and she needed expectations and chores. Oh no!! He didn't want to do that, it might upset the little poopsie, just let her come and settle in and THEN we'll do rules etc.... of course that NEVER happened. She did as she pleased, got everything she wanted.. if DH told her no, she'd cry to GBM/BM and vice versa. I lost count of how many phones, she lost, sold, or broke because it didn't matter to her, she knew she'd get a new one. When SD said jump, DH said how high and if he didn't or couldn't she'd run to GBM/BM and they would say how high.
Because DH is disabled kids get SSDI. SD got 200.00 a month. DH hated that when she was with GBM, GBM got the money and just blew it on herself and DH thought the money should be SD's, so every month he HANDED her $200.00. She'd blow it all and then get more from DH and/or GBM to get her hair done, buy a prom dress, go to the movies etc. I tired to point out to DH that he was setting SD up for failure, that he needed to put that money in an account for her for college or for a car.. but nope, I was just the mean old step mom.
DH believed every stupid thing SD told him. I thought there were some indicators that she was drinking, I mentioned it to DH... OH NO, says DH "She told me she has no desire to drink".... so we just believe that????? I thought there were some indicators that she was lying and possibly meeting boys... OH NO, say DH "She told me she has no need for boys"... so we just believe that?? But I was always just the mean step mom who hated the skids so why listen to me??? When SD was 15 she got arrested for underage drinking. DH had to pick her up from the state police at 4 a.m. But guess where she got to go less than 1 week later? On vacation with MIL to the beach! When SD went to live with DH's Aunt at age 16 (because DH FINALLY saw the monster that HE helped create and also wanted to get her away from GBM/BM horrible influence) SD told Aunt J that she'd been having sex since she was 14.
SD had to take out student loans to go to college which Aunt J had to do everything for her.. because SD was incapable because she was coddled her whole life. And SD still has no car (we are giving her one of ours... if it's not beneath her... when she comes home in a couple of months supposedly) Maybe if DH would have saved that SSDI money for her instead of letting her squander it on crap every month, she might have a car or way less student loans. But at the time he just couldn't see that... he just wanted her to be "happy" so she wouldn't run back to BMs.
So ridiculous. Sure I like my BS8 to be happy and he'd a good kid... but that doesn't mean he gets everything he wants when he wants it. That's called making a monster.
Ha, this must be a guilty
Ha, this must be a guilty daddy thing, SO is always saying, "oh no SD wouldn't do that because she told me she didn't" in regards to whatever. One time it was, "she wouldn't steal your mascara" - even though I found it in her drawer in her room....then after talking to BM and finding out that SD had stolen her mascara also he believes it. Or "SD wouldn't make a mess on your comb with all that slime" then talks to SD who admitted that she did it. These little precious SDs are always innocent in guilty daddy eyes! *bad*
stealing
Oh yes, the stealing! I forgot that one! A bunch of my shirts came up missing once after one of her visits. I mentioned it to DH who got pissy that I was "accusing" SD of stealing my stuff.. she MUST have taken then by mistake if she did, but SURELY she didn't. When she moved in with us, I found 2 of my shirts in her closet and then when she tried to sell her I Phone and Verizon confiscated it and gave it back to us and we went through it, we found the Craigslist listing where she was selling the rest of the shirts. Even THEN DH tried to say, that she probably didn't realize that she grabbed them by mistake and because GBM's place was such a mess, how could she possibly know what was hers and what was her sisters?
UGH... I just don't get it. If someone accused my BS8 of stealing I would be all over his ass like white on rice because generally people don't just randomly decide to accuse someone of something unless they either have proof or a pretty good idea.
Crap, I don't like the flag
Crap, I don't like the flag/reporting thing so close to the like button. I keep pressing it on accident! Yep, I loved how he didn't believe me and tried to blame our toddler, "maybe BS moved it there", wth?!?! It didn't even make sense. He would argue and argue with me and defend her without even investigating it. You know b/c I just liked picking on SD and always trying to get her in trouble! Mmmmkay! Then when BM confirmed she had been stealing at her house too it was believable. Do you think SD received any punishment other than a craptastic apology to me?!?! Heck no!!!! We have to be easy on her!
I did catch my BS stealing when he was about 8 or 9 and he was definitely punished for doing so. He was also going through a hard time, went from being an only child to having a younger brother and SD around, moved cities/schools, went from spending time with his dad to no time with his dad. However, I didn't let any of that be an excuse for him to steal or misbehave and he faced consequences for his actions and we started counseling. I get so sick of hearing about SD having such a hard time with the divorce that happened 8 freaking years ago when she was like 2 and letting that be an excuse to coddle her and not hold her accountable for anything!
Yes I totally believe it's a
Yes I totally believe it's a guilty daddy thing, exactly! Hard to watch....
Be glad your DH gives her
Be glad your DH gives her chores. My SO asks NOTHING of SD17. She's much too busy with school, friends, her boyfriend, her part-time job and other activities to have any time to help around the house!