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SD16's shocking sense of entitlement

Felicity0224's picture

Since COVID shut everything down, my SDs have come and gone between DH's, BM's, and my house pretty much as they've pleased. Of course they were with DH this past weekend because of Father's Day. I had my own stuff to do, but did go over Saturday evening for dinner and then they all came here Sunday afternoon and we spent some time in the pool. It was a pleasant weekend, or so I thought. 

On Monday, DH and I needed to go to an appointment with DD's play therapist (she's been struggling with extreme perfectionism to the point that it was concerning us enough to find a therapist for her). DD couldn't go, so SDs stayed with her at my house. Now, last year we had an incident where SD16 had gone through our bedroom when we weren't home and found cards and letters between DH and I  that were VERY well hidden, read them, and reported the contents to BM. Since then I've avoided leaving her alone at my house for the most part, but when I do, I lock the bedroom. I never mentioned it, and I guess she'd never noticed this until now. When we came back from the therapist, she seemed like she was in a funk, but she and SD14 left shortly after and we didn't think a lot about it.

About 45 minutes later, she called DH in hysterics. I didn't hear ALL of her many complaints, but it seems that she feels it is "disrespectful" for me to lock my bedroom when she's there. And also she doesn't understand why they "have" to spend so much time with me if we're separated, and why don't we get a divorce and have a custody schedule and never speak to each other like normal people? She *demands* that from now on, she and SD14 get time alone with DH when they come over because it's only fair since DD has always had more alone time with him than they have, and will only "agree" to spending time with me every other day, "at the most."

I'm just, like...wtf? No one is more generous to this kid than I am. No one. For 12 years I've been the one to make sure that she always has everything she needs and the vast majority of what she wants. I advocate for her all the time and have been her shoulder to cry on countless times when BM has gone bat shit crazy on her.

I don't know why I'm surprised, but her little tantrums always seem to come out of nowhere and they are frequently directed at me for no apparent reason. Fortunately DH told her that he was disgusted with her sense of entitlement and ingratitude and that he wasn't going to allow a child to dictate what he does and does not do. He pretty much left it at that, which of course caused further hysterics and she hung up on him and hasn't been heard from since. Anyone want to bet how long it is before we see her again? My guess is it won't be until she's ready to go back to school shopping.

Comments

JRI's picture

If you don't hear from her for school shopping, at the very latest it will be early December.

Felicity0224's picture

I know she's hoping I'll plan a ski trip for Christmas, so she'll definitely be coming around then to make sure she's included in that. Little does she know that I have flat out refused to plan travel for them again and DH will not do it because he's terrible at planning ahead. Their nice vacation days are behind them.

shamds's picture

what were you wanting to do in our private bedroom?? That is my and my wife’s private place that you have no business noseybodying in!!

believe me ss actually was looking through my personal things whilst we were away on holiday. So if we were going on a mini getaway when ss was home i would lock our bedroom door and take the keys with us.

then he would demand my things. I told hubby off he had some nerve demanding my things from you when he’d treat me like shit!!

op, if you’ve had to separate from your hubby, i assume because of skid issues, why on earth are skids coming to your home?? Thats just confusing because you know skids have not learned to respect boundaries and privacy

Harry's picture

And doesnt get enough time with him over your house ?  This kid has issues, major issues.

This will never get better,  you must disengage from SD.  If she goes on vacation she will find fault. If she doesn't go she will find fault .  This is a no win