Being a single stepmom
I'm hoping for some advice or insight. My stepkids live with their mom 4 hours away from us and she likes to go on vacations and weekend trips A LOT, more now since she's been working from home because of the pandemic. Sometimes the kids stay with friends but more often they come to our house. My husband is a truck driver and has started being gone from home a lot more often, for longer periods of time. Since the pandemic started in March, the kids have been here quite a bit with just me. Their mom thought it would be easier for them to focus on schoolwork and safer since we live in a very rural area. I agreed because I am not working right now (although I am in school full-time and babysitting a lot to help friends so they can keep working). It did not go as smoothly as we all hoped but we made it through, kind of. My stepson failed a class so he lost all kinds of privileges, which makes being at our house even harder for him. I can, have, and will continue doing whatever is needed of me in regards to my stepkids, but is it wrong or selfish of me to ask that they only come up here when their father is going to be home? They are with their mom right now but she's planning another vacation for a week so is expecting us to have them, and my husband will be gone for at least another 2 weeks. The kids wouldn't choose to come up here, especially of their dad isn't here (we all have great relationships, it's just boring and I make them do chores) so part of me wants to put my foot down and say no, hoping that it'll make their mom have to change plans in her 6th vacation this summer.
I think their mom and dad
I think their mom and dad need to stop using you as a babysitter. If your DH is not around, then the children shouldn't be coming to your home. BM can forego her vacation and parent her children.
You have every reason to feel
You have every reason to feel taken advantage of. I would feel the same way. Even if you didn't do anything with your day, no work, no school, no babysitting, you are allowed to have your boundaries around someone else's kids. They have a mom and a dad. They are both making themselves unavailable to their children, which is selfish and frankly negligent.
I really encourage you to explain to your DH how you feel and that you do not agree to watch his children while he's away. Their kids deserve to be with their parents and the BM is being spoiled by your DH. Tell both of them no and let them figure it out.
Do you recall being part of
Do you recall being part of the decision to create children? No? Then have your husband and bm justify making them YOUR reponsibility.
Not just no, a great big HELL NO!
That point about being part
That point about being part of the decision to have them cracked me up!
Their mom thought it would be
Their mom thought it would be easier for them to focus on schoolwork and safer since we live in a very rural area.
Haha! Yes, I'm sure she thinks it's a great plan.
Absolutely not. No way. Stop doing this. This is the kind of thing that has ruined marriages, seen it happen more than once on this site.
If their dad is not there, neither are they, period. He is the one they are there to see.
I really do appreciate all of
I really do appreciate all of the validation I receive on this site. It makes me a little bit stronger when I finally have to address the situation
You are what we refer to as a
You are what we refer to as a "Bangnanny"
Your SO is using your kindness to have a visitation schedule he can't possibly maintain in order to not pay so much CS.
He's probably a good deal older than you too right?
If you were my friend in real life I would take you out for drinks and try to get you to pull your head out of your butt and realize you can have a much better life with just about anyone else.
I think it's outrageous that
I think it's outrageous that they both think that you should be doing the parenting for their children.
Bottom line, it is not your job to take care of someone else's offspring.
No, it's not wrong and
No, it's not wrong and selfish for you to want to stop being an unpaid nanny. In fact, it's wrong and selfish of DH and BM to expect that of you - but especially DH, since he's the one who is supposed to care about your feelings.
You want to know if you are selfish to ask skids only be at
Your home when your husband is there??
bio mum is going on what seems like weekly/regular holidays alone and dumping her kids (the one she chose to get pregnant with and give birth to!! Not you!!) on the stepmum who is studying (which is considered work) and you’re also babysitting (which is considered work)....
there are 2 selfish people here and you my dear are not one of them!! Its your husband while he’s away at work and guilting you or pressuring you to have them over (assumedly love them like your own yada yada) and bio mum is an ass for selfishly going on holidays and palming off her responsibilities as a parent to someone whose job it isn’t to parent her kids...
this needs to stop because they are using you
Why doesn't your husband take
Why doesn't your husband take his kids on the upcoming two-week trip? They'd be company for him. If he says no then tell him that if he won't take care of his kids then they'll just have to stay with their mother.