I haven't posted a blog in forever, but I've been reading a lot of yours lately and steplife's got me down, so I need some support. I asked Dawn to delete all my past blogs because I'm paranoid about BM or my SDs identifying me and making things harder than they already are. Anyway, my SDs are 15 and 13 and DH has 50/50 custody of them. We've been married for 9 years and have a daughter together who is 5.

Our major problem right now is that SD15 is completely out of control. To say that she's behaving like an entitled, manipulative brat is an understatement. It's gotten so bad that BM, who preciously would have NEVER voluntarily given up a second of her parenting time (in fact for years she frequently witheld the kids until she was finally penalized for contempt) has waved the white flag and is constantly asking DH to take over, saying she can't handle it.

We've been in this cycle for over a year now where everything is cool (usually because SD15 is getting everything she wants), and then out of nowhere she'll have a huge blowout with BM over something trivial. She never acts out at our house, but she and BM get into these insane screaming matches on a regular basis. So she gets grounded, makes everyone's life hell for a while by being all moody, BM can't stand to be the 'bad guy' so she gives up on enforcing the grounding at her house, and the cycle begins again.

The reason I'm venting now is because while SD15 doesn't act out at our house, one thing she has done countless times is causing me a huge amount of grief. She can be here and act like everything is peachy, literally acting like I'm her best friend, then as soon as she gets a chance, with BM, with BM's family, or with her therapist, she throws me under the bus so fast it makes my head spin. The stuff she complains about and accuses me of is so absurd that it's almost laughable. She flat out lies saying that I said things that I didn't or that I did something that I've never done. When she does this, BM loses her shit and blows DH up ranting about how terrible I am (which is just mind boggling considering she is always accusing SD15 of lying and manipulating everyone, but of course every single thing SD15 says about me MUST be true). 

It's gotten to the point where I do not want SD15 here with me when DH is not here. It's only a matter of time before she accuses me of abuse or something worse. DH travels a lot and always has, so I'm the primary parent at our house. I've taken care of my SDs since they were 2 and 4. I'm really torn about refusing to have them here because I still feel like this is their home too, we are their family, and it feels wrong to shut them out. And honestly, I adore SD13 and she's delightful to be around. But how can I ban one kid and not the other? The other thing is that my daughter is OBSESSED with her sisters. She cries almost every day when they aren't here. So I feel really guilty about reducing the time she gets with them even more. 

I've barely scratched the surface of what all has transpired recently, but I don't want to turn this into a novel. I think many of you can relate. So what should I do? Suck it up and move one with business as usual? Or inform everyone that I can't have my SDs here unless DH is home too?