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Relationship priorities

Faithlovehope's picture

Hey guys.

So I want to bring up a topic that is very very important to me. Which is... the adult relationship being more important than the child relationship. What I mean is the husband/wife relationship comes before parent/child relationship. I see so many marriages and relationships failing because the children are put first. I was raised knowing my mother came before me in the relationship. My father didn’t let me forget, and I can’t tell you how thankful I am for that. Being a SM and having a very understanding SO, it has tremendously helped our relationship. It makes anything possible. It doesn’t mean we love my SD less, if anything it means we love her more. Our relationship was very rocky in the beginning. We deal with a high-conflict BM who would and does dangle their child in front of my SO so the ex could get what she wanted. Of course, my SO would do anything to see his child, even if it meant damaging our relationship. It caused so many problems, and bringing a child into a dysfunctional household because of the dysfunction around us, it wasn’t fair to my SD. I started doing my research and it saved my relationship. I knew we needed boundaries. I learned what manipulation was. I learned him and I weren’t created to live this way. We set are boundaries in place, as well as our priorities. The relationship with my SO is amazing, and it has also grown my relationship with my SD. It’s not always easy (as it shouldn’t be), but it make anything possible.

Don’t be child centered. If you want to love your children, prioritize your marriage. 

Comments

lieutenant_dad's picture

This is what we preach here all the time.

A child is a parent's #1 responsibility, but a spouse (be it 1st or 5th) is the #1 priority. A child's needs trumps a spouse's wants and needs (with caveats), and a spouse's wants and needs trump ALL child wants, always.

Iamwoman's picture

This is something many of us definitely try to get through to others here. Children don’t do well in a child centric world, yet the world doesn’t seem to listen or care.

It is nice to see it stated so succinctly.

Well said OP!

Maria10's picture

I think I might send this one to DH!

Faithlovehope's picture

Do it! A lot of men don’t realize that’s how it should be. I share any info with my SO if I think it will help our relationship.