You are here

Why is he doing this?

EveryStepITake's picture

Ok,brief intro.

I have 3 Bio kids, Bd9, Bs3, Bs1. I also found out 1 year ago, after being in my current relationship for 2 years that I have a SS6. Sort of, I guess. I'm not married to his father, we have lived together since right after our BS1 was born. I need some name for my "fiance" because well, he really doesn't feel like my fiance anymore, or even boyfriend most of the time. We just coexist.

Finding out about Ss6 was a huge surprise to both of us. The kids mother got pregnant, told daddy she had a miscarriage, told daddy's friends she had an abortion and skipped town. Not to be heard from for more than 4 years. No big deal. Pay child support, get visitation. Fine.

We'll just fast forward a bit here, after six months of eowe visits, I decided to take a weekend job. He's a horrible little demon spawn. I work 48 hours straight just so I don't have to deal with the little shit. My mom watches all of my biokids. I can't get daddy to take the youngest at all on the weekends. He just won't. But he never ever misses a visit with SS.

Obviously today is Easter. I brought all the kids to my work yesterday for a little mini egg hunt. I called daddy after ward and told him he could come get the baby anytime for any Easter stuff he wanted to do with his family. Is he going to? Nope.

Anyone have an idea of why he favors a boy he barely knows over our BS1?


EveryStepITake's picture

That's what I was thinking.

But, how does he not feel any guilt for never spending time with our son? He's gone every single day from literally 8am to 7pm, doing god knows what. He doesn't even have a real job. No remorse at all. Our son wants him constantly. Always looking out the window waiting for him. Its so sad.

buttercookie's picture

It all depends on your DH, some men get it some never do. Why did he split up with her? Do you think maybe he knew all along about this child? Men are strange but I'd have issues with a man who wouldn't parent his own child(the one you two have) to parent a child had with another woman. Any proof this new found child is even his? DNA?

AndSoItIs's picture

He doesn't feel guilty ab your son bc your son has always been there. They feel guilty bc they feel like skids are being slighted bc they aren't always around or haven't always been around so they constantly feel the need to try and "make up" that time.

buttercookie's picture

Has a DNA test been done? 6 years went by and this woman never said anything? Hmmm could be a case of her wanting money and figuring your DH was the one sucker who'd comply I'd get a DNA test done.

buttercookie's picture

First thing is, assuming this kid is his, You need to find a way to let your husband know that while its a shame he was excluded from this kids life for the first 6 years he can never make up that time but he can and does have a relationship with your 1 year old and he needs to not throw that away. There has to be a way to blend the kids together some. Second thing is I find it really odd that this child has existed for 6 years and he had no knowledge. I don't know why but I'd look into a DNA. This whole thing screams "Maury Povich" to me. Maybe she's run through her list of men and has run dry and is now moving onto you DH with wild hopes of Child support money and a free babysitter, who knows? I'd get a DNA test done and Third this child deserves to know who his father is which is why I think you need the DNA test. If your DH is not the father she needs to keep looking and if he is he needs to come to terms with the fact he will never regain those lost 6 years but he doesn't need to repeat that with your child by ignoring it.

EveryStepITake's picture

They did a court ordered DNA February 2011. Everything now is set up though the court. Custody, child support, visitation. Bm suing him for child support is how everything came to be.
In my opinion, he was ignorant. When he first told me the story about bm gettingready pregnant, "losing the baby", dumping him and quickly moving away, I told him he could have a kid out there he doesn't know about. He said no. Absolutely not. I told him he should have followed up. Nope.
He waited 5 weeks to tell me she was suing him.

EveryStepITake's picture

He asked her that in court and she said "Honestly I just wanted a baby, I thought I'd never need help with him but now I do"
I wish I could say she and their kid ruined our relationship ship, sadly it was screwed up a while before she reappeared.

oneoffour's picture

Some men are not good with little ones. And frankly it is harder work taking care of a 1 yr old than a 6 yr old. Also he is feeling like he has to make up for lost time.

If I were you I would ask him why he isn't helping take care of his other son. See sadly his first son (his one yr old) has been switched out for this other child.

This being so this boy will have to learn to fit into his family which includes you and your children, shared and otherwise. His father's job is to teach his sons how to be good men and responsible and honest and all that other stuff. If this 6 yr old is allowed to run riot due to his father's guilty parenting well that isn't going to work out either. You are his partner or you aren't. This cannot be a part time position in his life. 100% or nothing.