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Picking your Mate

ESMOD's picture

As my dad says. "women would be better off if they would spend as much time picking out their mate as they do their shoes!".

I also got this gem from a friend on facebook:

For all you unmarried ladies who are in a hurry to get married, here's a piece of Biblical advice:

Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz. While waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives: Brokeaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz, Dumbaz, Cheapaz, Lockedupaz, Goodfornothingaz, Lazyaz or Marriedaz and ESPECIALLY his third couzin Beatinyouraz. Please wait on your Boaz and made sure he respects Yoaz. LOL

Ladies, there are good guys out there. Stop trying to make a silk purse out of a pig's ear. I've done it myself and it is a painful lesson.


Gimlet's picture

I've posted some of this before, so I won't repeat it all again.

I made a lot of mistakes when I was young. I was looking for approval more than anything, for the reassurance that I was not fundamentally unlovable and flawed. I believe that we accept the love we think we deserve and clearly I did not think I deserved much. I also sought out "projects" - men who were broken in some way that I thought I could fix, because if I could fix them, maybe I had some value. Besides, if they were that broken, it meant I was the "good" one, right?

It took me so many years of counseling, and the desire to not pass this crap to my daughter (who has challenges of her own, as we all do), to feel healed, and whole, and able for once to choose a PARTNER, not a project. To be able to accept love and affection and to feel like I deserved them. To be strong, and fulfilled, and actually happy.

It didn't take a man to do that, but it made me able to choose one that added to my happiness instead of taking it.

I would not go back to that life for all the money in the world.

ESMOD's picture

I have also seen women set the bar kind of low. That way, they don't feel inferior or self conscious.

My dad also gave my stepdaughters the advice to "marry a rich guy, divorce him , take half and then marry the guy you love." OHHH dad smdh.

Is_What_It_Is's picture

My EXH was all those combined - Brokeaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz, Dumbaz, Cheapaz, Goodfornothingaz, Lazyaz! Biggrin I was young and dumb... oh the stories.

notasm3's picture

At my age I see all too many women with horribly deformed feet from wearing crappy shoes. So many women make bad mistakes with their shoes too.

I think some women make bad decisions with men (and shoes), but many do not. I have many friends who picked good men and have had long-term good marriages. It also helps to be a good person yourself first.

I never put up with crap, but my mistake was dating men pretty much like me professionally and educationally. And then I'd get bored as I was pretty much with a man who was a clone of me.

Disneyfan's picture

OK, I must really be on my fat girl ish right now. I read the OP and instead of thinking about useless men, I'm thinking about food~ pig ears, pig feet (with a bunch of hot sauce), potato salad and ice tea.