Let's change the CO just in time for Christmas....
During the Christmas Holidays, SS is to reside with the father. DW is allowed a 12 hour window on either Christmas Eve or on Christmas Day (her choice).
Usually we take Christmas Day. This is how it has been every year FOR THE PAST 7 YEARS.
Unfortunately, every year, SS forgets and he thinks the holidays are evenly split between us and his Dad’s. So, like every year since the CO was first imposed, I keep having to correct SS and remind him. “No SS. You are with your Dad during the Holidays but don’t worry, we still get to see you Christmas Day.”
DW, then adds “But if you want to change it, you have to be ready to tell a judge that is what you want. You want to do that?”
SS then lights up and starts blabbering about his version of how the CO should be….
This is followed by DW and SS getting excited like little puppies and my head bonking on the table to dull the pain.
It’s okay for a kid to explain his wishes, but Why, why WHY!?!? Does DW fill his head with this every single yuletide season!!?
I don’t know what is more aggravating…Trying to find parking at the mall during the Christmas rush or forcing DW and SS to deal with reality!
Yes, a child can make changes to the CO provided that A) the child has VERY compelling reasons (Oooh lookie, SS doesn’t have any) and 
the child is deemed to be mature (SS still cries once a week).
DW called me at lunch and says that after dinner tonight she wants to “talk” about the possibility of getting SS to make these changes….
OMG, I wanted to SCREAM!!!
The only reason why I didn’t is because I don’t want my co-workers to think I have lost it (again). We go through this EVERY! SINGLE! YEAR!!!! And people wonder why I don’t look forward to the holidays anymore….
It’s not that I don’t want SS to spend half the Christmas holidays with us, but DW just doesn’t want to face reality. Her precious little angel is nowhere close to being able to convince ANY JUDGE that a change to the CO is warranted.
So yeah, there is going to be a lot of crying and lot of wet shoulders in my near future, but mark my words, by the time SS comes back to our custody in the new year, he’ll be all smiles and blabbering on and on about how wonderful a time he had at his Dad’s, what lovely gifts he got, etc….All this “talk” about changing the CO will be forgotten,….
…until the next Christmas
guh.
Time to stock up the beer fridge.
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^^^ Right here Draco. You can
^^^ Right here Draco. You can always pull what my hubs does anytime there is a schedule conflict- "I don't want to hear about it, you guys are the parents, figure it out and let me know."
Draco....repeat after
Draco....repeat after Shaman.
"DW....you do what you feel is best for SS. I believe you know the best decision to make."
You know the definition of insanity. Stop the pattern.
You have already seen this show, you know how it's going to end.
Do something different. Don't get involved. When it all goes to hell in a Christmas basket, you can sit back and drink your beer and tell DW there, there, there.
I was going to make the same
I was going to make the same insanity comment
I know......I go through it too and I'm about to lose my shit
Soooooo...I can understand
Soooooo...I can understand why you guys aren't fans of DonkeyKong...but how would your DW react if you mentioned that having a relationship with both parents is normally what is best for the child...?
I know it probably would go over like a fart in church, but...you know...
Donkeykong is a negligent
Donkeykong is a negligent prick but he does have family. SS has cousins on his Dad's side, a grandmother, etc. Plus SS's SM has an extensive family as well. SS ALWAYS manages to have fun with these people. A fact that somehow SS (and DW) forget every year.
She might be! LOL.
She might be! LOL.
exactly! you couldnt get me
exactly! you couldnt get me even remotely anywhere NEAR the civil stuff with a ten foot pole!!!!
We actually went this route
We actually went this route once. Got as far as sitting in the lawyer's office (this was two years ago). Spent about $100 just to hear the lawyer say "SS is not ready and has no real reason to make a change to the CO. Next year maybe, but definetly not now."
If we do decide to go the lawyer's office again. I am willing to bet my beer fridge that the lawyer is going to say the exact same thing...and charge us $120.
I don't know of any lawyer
I don't know of any lawyer who does a consultation for free.
I don't know of any lawyers
I don't know of any lawyers who deal with custody or child support who do not charge a consultation fee. Just lawyers who stand to gain something from the ruling like a percentage of a settlement.
Is there any reason why SS
Is there any reason why SS can't spend the entire Christmas Holiday with his dad if that's what he wants? The kid lives with YOU doesn't he? Would DW die if her iddy, biddy, baby spent more than the court ordered time with his father? I have never been able to understand these types of situations. BS16 lives with me full time. He has spent every waking hour with me. If he ever says he wants to spend his Holiday at his dad's or his aunt's or whatever, I would just say "Okeedokee!" What is the big deal? I don't get it.
Maybe I'm misunderstanding something.
You're not missing anything
You're not missing anything unfreakingreal. DW does this every single year because Christmas is ALL about that 12 hour window that we have SS for. Forget me. Forget our family. Forget our two bios. It's that 12 hour window that is most important and she'll stress herself out and bend over backwards to make those 12 hours of Christmas feel like it's the last 12 hours on earth. Seriously, I've seen grey hears sprout out of her head this time of year because of this sh*t.
She sounds incorrigible.
She sounds incorrigible. Bless your heart Draco.
DW, then adds “But if you
DW, then adds “But if you want to change it, you have to be ready to tell a judge that is what you want. You want to do that?”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bad form DW!!! Bad form.
And I got news for you...SS is probably saying the same things at DKs house.
In my opinion, that line the
In my opinion, that line the wife said to the kid is a passive form of PASing. Telling a kid that HE can change court orders if he doesn't like the way things are. I would tell the kid "Listen, we've had enough drama with courts, do you want to spend the entire Holiday with your dad because if you do I'm fine with that."
If the kid is trying to get out of time with his dad her answer should be "That's not nice, it would hurt your dads feelings if he knew that you wanted to ditch him on the Holidays. Suck it up and make the best of it. We'll see you when you get back."
That is how things get handled in my home.
At this point, it doesn't
At this point, it doesn't matter what I say....There's going to be lots of crying no matter what, both from SS and from DW.
And I am going to look like the bewildered unemotional Vulcan wondering if tearfalls should be measured in milimeters or inches.
Are they really that
Are they really that attached? My son is 16. He is seriously the light of my life, I would set the world on fire for him. But this type of nonsense would be so trivial to me.
Maybe it's just because I'm so laid back about traditions. If it were up to me, we'd ditch the Holidays all together, wear pajamas, order Chinese and watch The Walking Dead marathons all day.
I'd be cool with whatever he wanted to do. Wanna go with Dad? Ok. Wanna stay here? Ask your Dad he has the final say.
That would be IT.
Well that's just it. To me,
Well that's just it. To me, holidays is about relaxing and cherishing the time with family. Our kids, (BS, BD and SS) have nothing but fond memories of the holidays and they are already jumping up and down with excitement. Really, we don't have to put in much effort into making this day special. We really don't! DW on the other hand...You'd think SS is being sent off to Mars or some other galaxy where they don't celebrate Christmas.
>If it were up to me, we'd ditch the Holidays all together, wear pajamas, order Chinese and watch The Walking Dead marathons all day.<
Can I come? PLEASE!?
DH is dying for us to ditch
DH is dying for us to ditch the Holidays, unfortunately, my family would throw a fit if I didn't show up Xmas Eve for dinner and gift opening. We are a small family and I am the oldest of 4 kids. Kinda makes me the matriarch of the clan. New Years though, we are STAYING HOME!!
About a year ago, I used to
About a year ago, I used to take offense to people accusing my wife of PASing, because while Donkeykong is an ass to me and DW, I don't want SS to end up disrespecting his father. Now I love DW with all my heart but I oftentimes see her doing some of the things that we bitch about BM's doing. Namely, trying to make an "ally" out of their children against the ex. Whenever I see DW doing that, I pull her aside and tell her that is wrong. Now I see nothing wrong in telling SS that he *can* make changes to the CO if he really wants to, but I just don't see the point in doing it. It's like putting paint on a car that really needs an engine overhaul.
Your DW could probably get
Your DW could probably get this changed with out her son.
People think that they can just waltz their kid into a court room and say he or she wants this that or the other and here your Honor is my child to talk to.
Not quite how that works. However that holiday schedule is unfair to your DW actually more then SS.
As it stands her ex gets the "lions share" of the Christmas Holidays which should be done on a rotating schedule. Here in Jersey it goes by odd and even years. (this year I get Christmas Eve, He gets Christmas Day. He gets New Years Eve and I get New Years Day as it is then an even year and Im even)
What is the states standard holiday schedule? Because I would be very surprised if it is like this across the board. Sounds like something your DW agreed to and now wants to change because SS whines about it.
Actually all the holidays
Actually all the holidays (even Halloween and New Years) works on the alternating schedule that you have described. But either way, we still only get SS for a 12 hour window (either 12 hours Christmas Eve or 12 hours Christmas day). The whole CO is badly worded and we did end up having to go back to court for clarification...only to have the judge yell at us for not being able to figure it out amongt ourselves.
Let me put it to you this
Let me put it to you this way:
SS is around = DW happy
SS not around = DW completely and utterly inconsolable.
Ha ha! Yeah, I suppose I
Ha ha! Yeah, I suppose I should take a page from Sun Tzu. Never thought I would be applying it to DW though.
LOL! No you don't sound
LOL!
No you don't sound incensitive. Just this morning BS was asking me to buy more egg nog because "SS finished it all and that's not fair! SS is supposed to share!"
So my bios are still young but yeah, they are going to notice how "SS-centric" things are eventually.
How exactly does DW feel like
How exactly does DW feel like this is unfair to her and ss? She gets 12 hours in Christmas day.
So dk gets Christmas eve (not really the holiday) and the time ss sleeps (big whoop) and then DW swoops in for the VAST majority of the good holiday time on the actual holiday (not sure exactly what times she picks but 7am to 7pm... Or 8am to 8pm is all day in Christmas).... and the dk gets to feed him and out him to bed again. So where exactly is this not fair to DW???? Sounds like dk is getting the shaft to me, not DW.
I keep telling DW to look at
I keep telling DW to look at the BIG picture...You know the one? The picture that has SS with us 60% of the time? Because that is what our custody is (60/40). Our residence is the primary residence for SS which is a fact that Donkeykong despises and has gotten his panties in a twist since day 1 of the CO. We got exactly what we wanted (and more) out of the custody court battle.
Oh but no, because SS is not with us during the entirety of the Christmas holidays, "it doesn't feel like Christmas"...That's what DW told me.
because SS is not with us
because SS is not with us during the entirety of the Christmas holidays, "it doesn't feel like Christmas"...
You would think that after SEVEN years this would have sunk in by now... and it's not like she doesn't have him on Christmas! I guess I could see the disappointment if she only got to see him for a couple of hours on the 28th, or if DK lived a thousand miles away and SS was gone for the whole Christmas break... but she gets him ALL day on Christmas for God's sake... what is she missing out on??
What is with grown ass ADULTS
What is with grown ass ADULTS talking about custody and child support and such with their children????
Twice now in the past month my DH has said crap like this that makes me want to strangle him!
Once in regards to SD15... we were talking about taking BM1 for child support since she does NOTHING for SD. DH agreed that if I got him the papers, that he would fill them out and take BM to court. Then he says "Well, wait until I talk to SD15 about it" WTF? Why do you need to confer with your 15 year old DAUGHTER about this???
Then this past weekend, DH tells me that he had a conversation with SS14 in which he told SS14 that he doesn't see why he has to pay an extra $100.000 per month to BM2, that he would rather spend the $100.00 a month directly on SS rather than give it to BM2 and that he is going to talk to her about it. Again WTF? Why would you discuss this with your child.... Your child you've seen 4 times in the last 8 months no less???
If you lived in my neck of
If you lived in my neck of the woods, I think a judge would say no. He'll seriously consider the child's wishes, but the judge will most likely ask "What is wrong with the athletic program at your current school?".
Even if the skids have a real shot (ie. college scholarship, looked at by a professional scout) it won't matter because no judge will EVER make a decision on what *could* happen.
Is this the one and only
Is this the one and only visitation period every year that SS and DW do the 'we need to change the CO'?
It just seems strange. 12hrs is one very nice chunk of Christmas and DW has been choosing Christmas Day for years. So kiddo comes what 8am-8pm? As you state that SS actually enjoys what time over the school break he has when he is over at his father's house (the cousins and extended family), is it possible he just likes his Christmas stash and doesn't want to go back because he has to leave his goodies behind for the rest of the break?
I seriously can't think of anything else that would prompt this yearly 'boo-hoo I only get 12hrs on Christmas with Mommy' routine. Is he simply feeling like you all have having a grand ol' time and he's missing out and he can't try out his new stuff? Because he is trying to change the visitation schedule year round (for example wants friends overnight on weekends that he can't perhaps invite to Dad's house, or he and Dad aren't getting along so well in these early teen years, step-siblings annoy SS to pieces, blah blah), I really can't understand ...DW and kid get 12hrs, except for tucking him in bed after dinner, what do the two think the kid's missing out on.
Or am I misunderstanding and it's the entire holiday break SS wants to end?
>Is this the one and only
>Is this the one and only visitation period every year that SS and DW do the 'we need to change the CO'? <
Yup! Pretty much. SS may have brought it up once on a ped day that he was supposed to be with his Dad but SS was more interested in playing on the xbox at our house. However, Christmas is the only time where I have to break out the hankies and the Kleenex box because both SS and DW will be crying over it.
So yeah, we still get SS for a nice chunk of the actual Christmas Day. Normally what we do is we pick up SS around 8 or 9 am, rush back to our house to open up presents, and then rush over to my In-laws for the gift-exchange Christmas supper there and then Donkeykong picks him up at 9pm from there (actually last year he picked him up at 10pm). I usually don't even see SS leave because I've passed out by then.
I'm usually woken up to DW bawling to her Mom over a bottle of wine over how "unfair" the judge was in deciding the christmas schedule. Good thing her Mom is like me in this regard..."Why are you crying!? You're acting like you are never going to see SS ever again!"...Except they're both drunk now there's a tad more swearing.
My ex was like this. One
My ex was like this. One XMAS his mother was visiting us and his kids were supposed to drive to see us (2 hours drive) on XMAS day for XMAS dinner, they were bringing their girl friends (the older ones) and were spending the weekend with us. So late on XMAS morning they called and said they weren't all going to be able to leave so they would drive down the next morning and spend the rest of weekend with us (I think XMAS was on a Thursday that year). My ex wanted to cancel XMAS dinner we were about to start preparing and do everything the next day, open our gifts, cook the big dinner "pretent tomorrow is XMAS". I was totally disgusted, but said nothing, and his mother said "NO, we will have our XMAS as planned and then celebrate with the kids tomorrow when they get here and eat the leftovers." Thank goodness for this woman because I think if he had done that it might have been the 'staw that broke the camels back'. It was 19 years later that I divorced him because he just could not function without having these kids around, even after our having a child together, it never changed!
I already told her A, B, D
I already told her A, B, D and E.
Why did she agree to such an
Why did she agree to such an awful schedule?
I HATE DF's Christmas schedule. He has his girls for 10 hours Christmas and 10 hours New Years day. That's it. The rest of the break is spent their mom. This makes it impossible to go away for Christmas.
I was hoping for an odd year/even year holiday schedule but it didn't work out.
I think the kids spending the bulk of the holiday break with the same parent each year is just wrong.
She never agreed to it. This
She never agreed to it. This is what the judged imposed.