So DH just took HIS 15 year old daughter to her band concert. This is the first time in all the years we've been together that I have missed any event involving HIS 3 kids.

It is clear that my Motherly influence is not appreciated in this home, so instead of me telling her that she has a huge hole the size of a softball in the side of her thick, black stockings that her mini skirt is showing, and her hooker heals that she more than likely stole from her mother is probably not appropriate for a band concert, I'm sitting at home with guilt and upset that I can no longer be that woman I use to be. When you give your all for years to kids that aren't even yours, trying to point them in a direction that is in their best interest, and nothing is appreciated and you are looked at like a bitch, its very draining.

Even though DH and I have talked about me disengaging, we have agreed on doing that 100% will not work for this family. But I am less involved and handling things differently now.

Last week I found a bag of tortilla chips in the nightstand of the same daughter. The week before DH reinforced the fact she is not aloud to have food in her room. We have 3 adolescent boys among the both of us and that rule needs to be enforced or else food in bedrooms will get out of hand. So instead of going to DH and bitching about it, him going to her and nothing getting done/learned from it, I simply started taking handfuls of tortilla chip, crunching them up with my hands, and scattered/threw them throughout her room.

I have to admit, after I was done, I looked at the mess I created, and just smiled. DH came home, "did you see xxxx room"?

" Why yes I did. Since talking to her and punishing her for not following rules doesn't work, maybe this will."

SD came home and 15 minutes went by. DH went upstairs and opened her bedroom door where she sat on her bed looking pitiful.

She looked at DH and said, "I got the message".

It does upset me though that me and DH can't be the "team" we once were to "our" kids. I'm sure most, if not all of us went into a relationship with our partner having kids and wished it would be different.