Should I let DH take SD to the concert over me?
**UPDATE: I just realized that this concert is actually on a Monday night, which...1. actually means DH and I potentially won't go but 2. now makes more sense for SD12 to not go
DH is really into rock music, is really big on going to concerts too.
SD12 looks up to DH so much, and listens to all the music he does (even some she shouldn't be based on the content). SD has been asking to go to concerts for a couple years now, and gets all mopey any time DH and I go, we've been to maybe 3 since she's started asking to go too.
One of my favorite bands is playing a couple hours away in April and I told DH about it and said we should go. It is a few days after our 4th wedding anniversary so I thought it would be a fun anniversary outing for us.
Today the tickets go on sale and I asked DH if we should go ahead and get tickets. His response is, "yes if you want to go of course I'll go with you, SD12 wants to go too". Then he asked about which seating I was looking at, standing or assigned seats. I ignored his comment about SD12 and just said I would want the standing tickets.
Now, I do NOT want to go to this concert with SD12 and DH, SD12 is grumpy and glum, always has an attitude and doesn't think before she speaks, in general drives me nuts. However, out of all the bands, this is probably the MOST appropriate one for her to potentially go to a concert for. Also, she's been going thru all the teen angst and been moody, and really down on herself about her image and how she looks. I know that an individual outing to her first ever concert with her dad would make her feel really great.
So my question is (and I guess just writing this I've already answered my own question) should I just tell DH that he should take SD12 as an early birthday gift? (Her birthday is in July)
And if not, how on earth do I nicely tell DH that I don't want SD12 to come, without saying that i just don't
like how rude and mopey she is?!
- ksmom14's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
If she's really into it, then
If she's really into it, then she probably won't be grumpy. It might actually be a fun time for all of you. I think you should give a try. If you really don't want to go with her, then yea, I think it would be cool if you let DH take her.
I've considered that too,
I've considered that too, that maybe she won't be grumpy because she'll be excited, but honestly she still does not think before she speaks. She asks the stupidest questions and it just gets so frustrating, because she doesn't want to think. She's not a dumb girl, I honestly think she just likes the attention.
My SD16 also speaks without
My SD16 also speaks without thinking.....drives me crazy. She doesn't necessarily say mean things - they're usually just stupid comments. I can get pretty sarcastic so I try to bite my tongue but sometimes it just slips out....lol
Hmmmmm... this is tricky. If
Hmmmmm... this is tricky. If you REALLY want to go and for it to be just you and DH there is nothing wrong with that. But if you think SD attending and all of the positives that would come from that would outweigh your want for just you and DH to go, then I think you should ask SD.
Is SD and DH going (and you not going) an option? I totally understand not wanting to be around a moody teen, standing for the whole concert.
I would tell him that this is
I would tell him that this is for your anniversary. If he wants to take SD to a concert, it's not going to be this one.
That's what I initially
That's what I initially thought, that he could take her to another concert, but the fact that most of the bands they listen to aren't all that appropriate, this may be the only concert for a while that might be a good opportunity. That's why I'm kind of hung up on it right now.
It's up to you but just a
It's up to you but just a friendly warning. DH and I have had very few thing in our relationship that were just for us as a couple. As the skids have gotten older, he has allowed them to invade everything. I have done the same thing and told him to just take Skid(s) and i will stay home. Those are now "their" activities.
If you step back, concerts will be their thing.
That is a really good
That is a really good point...and honestly I've actually feared this for a while...maybe I shouldn't encourage this to happen before it naturally does, because honestly it's just a matter of time
"Honestly DH I really thought
"Honestly DH I really thought this would be a nice time for a romantic anniversary weekend getaway for the two of us - and I'd really rather not share an out of town romantic weekend with your daughter."
I'm probably just still
I'm probably just still feeling a bit pissy... BUT, I think something like this is for YOUR anniversary... SD could come up with a number of reasons why she would want to be at literally anything you two could try and plan. The answer should be no. It's an anniversary celebration, not an outing for the family, unless DH is planning on making up for it with a different anniversary outing as well, then definitely not, she can go to another concert some day.
For years and years, I had to
For years and years, I had to put up with lonely weekends while DH took the SDs to loads of fun things, without me. Time came and I decided that I wasn't putting up with it any longer - about 4 years ago. He said he was thinking of taking the SDs up to visit his mother for the weekend, and I said "and why would you want to do that?" I gave him to understand that those days are GONE. I really regret now that I didn't assert myself earlier, and I suggest that you don't put up with being second best, negating your own wants and needs. Just say you want this to be your romantic anniversary outing and you do NOT want SD to come along.
I can see your point, but DH
I can see your point, but DH and I actually get out a decent amount, just the two of us.
That's one thing that I can really appreciate that he does, he's really good about not involving the skids in everything, he likes to go out just the two of us.
Don't take your step
Don't take your step daughter. Isn't Step hell bad enough? Now you can't even have a night out just the two of you? A simple, No, I don't want this to be a kid thing should suffice. You shouldn't have to be annoyed all night at SD and you shouldn't have to sit home because of it. This was YOUR idea!
Exactly. The old guilt of a
Exactly. The old guilt of a SM wanting to include and then knows she may have a grumpy teen on her hand.
No OP you were getting these tickets for your anniversary, that's shared with DH not a grumpy SD, who may be happy but you will have to guess and hope on that one.
NO be selfish on your anniversary.
I would look for other bands
I would look for other bands that will be playing around her birthday and tell him about those. Propose it as the one in April is an anniversary gift for you two, but that sound a good one for him and SD to go to for her 13th birthday.
I personally think 12/13 is too young for some of those rock concerts. It's not always the bands that are vulgar, but the fans. I have been covered in beer, smelled of pot from everyone around me, and left with bruises from everyone thrashing around. If your DH wants to take her to a concert, he needs to spend the cash for the seated section and definitely wait until the summer when she is a little bit older, even by those few months.
Yes, I considered this, but
Yes, I considered this, but as I mentioned...this is probably the most appropriate band (and hopefully the fans will be less crazy as well) for her to attend a concert for, that's why I'm so stuck...I feel like there's a very good possibility there wouldn't be anything DH would be willing to take her to near her birthday. Any yes, if he does end up taking her, I'm going to insist on seats...she's too young to potentially be in a mosh pit...not to mention she's a TINY 12 year old
Don't take the 12 year old to
Don't take the 12 year old to a concert... Why is she even listening to inappropriate music???
Seriously though, unless it's some kind of boy-band.. I wouldn't take a 12 year old... To many risk factors and possibilities, not to mention, even some clean bands get interesting on stage...
I stick to my other one, don't take her, it's your thing!
I agree. I've been to
I agree. I've been to hundreds of concerts. The crowd is unpredictable and doing adult things. A 12 year old can't unsee or even begin to understand the things I've seen!
Anytime DH wants to do stuff
Anytime DH wants to do stuff with just the skids I jump for joy.
He pretty much never wants to do anything without me...but when he does...it means a couple hours to a couple days of blissful alone time for me. I encourage it as much as I can!
Does she have a friend that
Does she have a friend that she can take with her? Maybe she wouldn't be as mopey then. She may also be happy and thrilled to see all that goes on at a concert.
SO and I are big on concerts too. We attend at least 5-6 during the summer. I'm a metal head and he loves Motown and rock. We do take the SS's to a few. Yes the fans can be a bit to swallow but the boys get a kick out of sitting with us and people watching. It has started more than a few conversations on how they "will NEVER act like that guy", "date a girl like that" or drink so much that they puke LOL.
Is there a specific band that she wants to see that may be coming to your area in the summer?
I love rock concerts. But
I love rock concerts. But unless it the crowd consists mostly of teen girls (doubtful) I think 12 is too young. Even the "tame" rock concerts are just not appropriate for preteens. Imho.
SD is 12 right... sorry kiddo
SD is 12 right... sorry kiddo concerts are not the place for you, you can wait till you are older, this week-end is something for me and Daddy only!!
Oh how you can wish to have Martian laws, no child under the age of 16 may enter a concert, no child under the age of 18 may enter the alcohol side of the concert... 18 is our legal age for drinking..