It's been ages since I've been on here! I think I've conceived and given birth to another child since I was last here. Things with my ss now 15 have been pretty even and I've had calm feelings toward him. My oldest dd likes playing with ss and he plays with her. It's cute and I'm glad for her that she has him. I've even tried bonding with him myself.

Here's the problem. Through my increased efforts to engage him in conversation, I've rekindled my feelings of annoyance with him. He's one of those people who talks just for the sake of talking. And I'm definitely not like that. He seems to feel like we're friends now so he's perfectly comfortable just hanging out with me. The more he does this, the less I want him around. For a short time, I actually didn't dread his visits to our house, but those feelings are returning all over again.

Something else about him is that he seems to be totally helpless. He was reheating a pizza in the oven yesterday. Didn't know where the oven mitts were, which is weird because dh has been our house for like 9 years. And the kid is 15, mind you. When he finally did get an oven mitt, it took him around 5 minutes to figure out how to remove the pizza from the oven. I just watched in amazement as this kid who takes all honors classes in his high school didn't know how to do a simple household task. There are plenty more examples like this one and each one annoys the shit out of me.

I think another part of my renewed unpleasant feelings toward him is the fact that dh and my therapist recently brought up the possibility of ss moving in with us. And dh seemed to think that maybe that could work. Being around ss really is starting to make my skin crawl again. I don't think he would move into our already too cramped, tiny house with us, but if he did, I'm pretty sure I would completely lose my shit.

I'm kind of all over the place with this post. Oh well, it's one a.m. And I felt like venting.