I'm nervous to post it and have the wrong person see it, but here goes. I need a safe place to vent, seek advice, and find camaraderie. I'll summarize...

Dh and BB split when ss was 18 mo. The ex had an affair. As dh puts it, a woman can cheat on a man, tell him to move out, she's keeping the kid, she's keeping the house and everything in it, and he's going to pay her for it. That's what happened.

I met dh when ss was 3. Their divorce was final soon after. Dh and I moved in together 2 years later and married soon after that. We then had 2 more boys. Now, SS is 13.

After the divorce, BB moved in with her bf. That lasted a couple years. Since then she has had numerous bf, some living with her and SS. The old bf (the first) was arrested last year for producing meth in his home. We have suspicions of BB using too, but have never been able to prove it. We think she's clean right now. Her behavior isn't so erratic.

I love my SS. I always treated him like he was my own and did normal mom type stuff with him. He lived with us 1/2 time up until this past year when he chose to only come every other weekend. Things are always rocky with his mom and me and DH. She’s an on again/off again nut case – we’re guessing from on again/off again drug use.

SS is a beautiful boy. He had such a bright future. The past couple of years have been rough though. He’s more and more mouthy and disrespectful. He got into some big trouble last year (maybe if I’m more comfortable in the future, I’ll go into that but he almost ended up in a juvenile home and it was serious enough that SS is not allowed around his brothers unsupervised) . He is also failing school. I think he may have a learning disability, but BB won’t allow him to be tested. She doesn’t want him ‘labeled’ and put in special-ed. Better to have him fail and eventually drop out. I'm also starting to see some evidence that he may have started experimenting with drugs, but no absolute proof.

Because of SS’s mouth and behavior, I told DH that SS is his responsibility and DH must be there for all visitations and deal with all discipline himself. When things get harried, I take the two little ones out for awhile. I’m not liking SS’s influence on them and I’m honestly afraid he may hurt them. I have to think about the two little guys first and foremost!! DH was angry about my decision to pull back at first, but has come to see that it is better this way. DH and I do discuss SS’s school and behavior, but mostly without SS’s presence. I have a voice with DH (and generally he listens to me), but I don't voice concerns with SS anymore unless my concerns are urgent.

Last weekend, DH told SS to finish all homework and missed assignments. SS said he had them ALL done. We couldn’t check because he said they were at BB’s house. Come to find out this week that he didn’t do any of it. Right now he has a 3% in math and a 10% in Science. His grades are so far below Fs, there’s now way he can pass!! He’s become not only a behavior problem and school failure, but a liar too. He used to never lie to his dad. It makes me sad for both of them.

Now BB wants to send SS to ANOTHER new school. It’s the school’s fault, she says. It always is. DH could fight it, but he won’t. He’s sick of fighting losing battles. DH gets on SS's case for awhile, and then feels guilty that when he sees him, he’s constantly disciplining him. Then he gets lax for awhile.

I love my SS. I really do. But lately, I dread visitation. He cannot be trusted. It's always a fight. The worst part of being a SM is having all the responsibility and none of the power to act. It’s a losing battle that, for now anyway, I’ve chosen not to fight. I do worry like Hell though. I'm afraid the road SS is on will lead him to a bleak future. Well that’s my story in a nutshell.