I HATE MY LIFE
So MIL had come to visit for a month and it's now been a month and half, It's been hard for me being around her and SS12 after listening to the hateful things they said about me and my family. I have to let them use things that I purchased for their convenience and I have to prepare food for them not always but at some days. It angers me to do anything for them I feel they are not deserving of my labour or time or touching the property I purchased since they made me out to be a devil and they clearly hate me. I don't know if I'm overreacting for feeling this way.
I'm not comfortable living with people who are so hateful and people I cannot trust. Home doesn't feel like home anymore. I wish I could just leave and not have to see them even for just one full day. I feel stuck because I'm forced to face them. I feel like I can't breathe. Home is were you are supposed to he free, comfortable and with privacy and I don't have that.
Well the bad news is MIL is no longer wanted where she was staying with her first son and daughter in law. Her DIL sent me a message saying she cannot stay with her anymore she needs peace and a break. I don't blame her at all because MIL has caused problems in their marriage. I'm beginning to think she cannot live in peace with other people. She has a sister who could accommodate her but they are not in talking terms. It's like she is a difficult person to live with. Now she is stuck here with me and I cannot take that. I want her gone, rather we carry the extra expense of paying for her own accommodation and she moves in with SS and we are left to starve or cut out all luxuries its fine as long as I will have peace, privacy and comfort in my home for once!
I cannot live with ungrateful, evil and deceitful SS13 plus the hateful MIL under the same roof, I will die. DH says he cannot afford to rent a place for MIL because bills, food and toiletries would be too much of an expensive for him. Why do I always have to be burdened by his baggage. It's just so unfair to me that I have to deal with his people who are no angels at all (it would help if they were good people) yet he doesn't have to deal with anyone from my side. My family has never been an issue in our marriage. My mother has never even slept over in my marital home. She has never had any encounter with my DH but I have plenty with DH's mother because she is around long enough to cause problems in our home.
I have put up with so much drama and heartaches from the start of this marriage Its been one problem after the other. Now it feels like it will never end.
We are now too crowded in this marriage, now too many people in it, I don't see how it will work, it will only drive me insane, it's too much for me to handle as it is I'm on bp medication. I almost had a stroke a few months back when my bp shot up. My life is just stressing, frustrating and depressing. I'm worried I may start having heart problems. Im where I don't want to be and I'm living with people I'm not comfortable with living with all because I love DH and I want our family. This is my 5th year in this step hell I don't know when I will ever get the time to enjoy peace and comfort in my marriage or I just have to give up and stop dreaming?
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Comments
Do you have the financial
Do you have the financial wherewithal to leave? There is no sense sacrificing your health to your husband's cruel relatives. Do you and husband have separate finances? If so, is he paying all expenses for himself, SS and MIL? You should not be subsidizing them at all.
What does your DH says about
What does your DH says about this situation? I know is difficult to live around this people, they think the owned everything, but is not possible your problematic MIL is living between you and your husband. You can't allow this situation take over your health. If you feel you don't belong there anymore, I know it will be difficult but is time to move on, you deserve to be happy in your own place and be around people who makes you happy.
I want to be around people
I want to be around people who love me, people I can trust, people I can let down my guard when I'm around. I cannot sacrifice my comfort, happiness and privacy any longer. I need peace of mind especially for the sake of my health. I'm not emotionally strong I guess that's why my bp easily goes up.
Now that I'm convinced being a step mother does not reward in anyway instead its a door to heartaches, disappointments, frustrations, and a waste of your effort, time and attention, I just don't want to be a step mother anymore. I want nothing to do with my SS because he is evil and I can never trust him all he wants is to destroy me.
Does MIL have ZERO income? No
Does MIL have ZERO income? No old age pension or help of any kind in the UK? DH shouldn't have to pay for everything for her.
I could not live with a toxic stepkid AND a toxic MIL under my roof. I think it's time for you to discuss with DH that either MIL goes or you do.
Well if you’re considering burning bridges...
Why stay silent. What would be the reaction if you bluntly told everyone the only reason she's here is because she's so toxic no one else wants her. And after what you caught her doing, you don't want her here too.
She has zero Income and my
She has zero Income and my husband and I don't have separate finances. The thing is he doesn't take this issue seriously because it's his mother and son. I'm expected to forgive and forget everything that has happened and that has been said and learn to live with them in peace.
I love my husband and I do not want to lose my family over SS and MIL. I have a son to think of who also deserves to be with his mother and father.
I just need the problems in our marriage to leave. That being SS and MIL. I cannot live with people I can't trust, people who clearly hate me. It's not comfortable at all. I have so much anger building up inside of me each day I have to see their faces and do things for them. I'm failing to control my emotions. I feel like breaking down into tears then I ask myself maybe I'm just being a baby and reading too much into all this.
I need to be comfortable in my home and I can't as long as I'm living with the people I do. DH shouldn't force them on me.
But the problem in your
But the problem in your marriage isn't your MIL or your SS. It’s your DH. And your DH's inability to comprehend how his toxic mother affects you and your marriage. It's his failure to protect you, his wife from that harm. You're not being a baby over this. You're an adult suffering extreme stress from a situation that your DH has put you in due to inappropriate boundaries with his family and his expectations that you just lump it and move past it. Be the better person as it were. Being the better person sucks. Your title is "I HATE MY LIFE" for goodness sake! And you think none of that if your DH's fault?!
How old is MIL? Is she not
How old is MIL? Is she not able to work? Even the U.S. has a safety net for the disabled and/or elderly, so I have to believe the UK does. And if she's not disabled OR elderly, then she needs to get a job to support herself. And if she is disabled or elderly, she needs to get government assistance to get out on her own.
If she has zero income then
If she has zero income then it's because she's never actually looked for it. It's time she was frog-marched down to the social security office to find out what her rights are and to get her on benefits. Or does she think she's too good for that?
The siblings need to come
The siblings need to come together and figure out where to put MIL. I'd take DH out of the house for a serious talk, put your foot down about her not staying and your health. A it's me or her talk. Once you get rid of her, then you can deal with SS.
Your DH is failing as a partner. Sounds like you could suffer immensely health wise if you don't do something drastic. Pull your money from him too. You can untangle it. Many have and recommend it. Pay for 1/4 of the expenses. He can pay for MIL and SS. Play hard ball. If you don't this could kill you.
At the very least, quit cooking for her.
At the very least, quit cooking for her. If she is not able to contribute financially towards the household, she should be contributing in other ways, unless she is physically unable.
You are not being unreasonable. Your DH needs to understand how much this situation is affecting you. If he won't, you may have no choice but to issue an ultimatum, and then be willing to follow through.
If she is under 65 and can't
If she is under 65 and can't work then she can get social services and apply for SSI. If she is over 65 she can get social security and live in housing for seniors or a nursing facility.
My MIL was aweful, needy and relentless. I put my foot down and insisted she go to a really good nursing home. Where she could get all the attention she wanted.
My MIL lived down the street and called all day long with some imagined emergency. Either she was dying, or she saw someone outside the house, or she heard a noise. Basically anything to try and get someone to come over.
DH says he cannot afford to
DH says he cannot afford to rent a place for MIL because bills, food and toiletries would be too much of an expensive for him
I get that your husband cannot afford to house his mother somewhere else, nor is he going to put her out on the street, so he and his brother need to do the research and find the resources that can get her out of your home.
So, your dh's siblings had
So, your dh's siblings had enough of your MIL so they dumped her on him.
Hmmm
What did your dh say when you told him YOU can not cope with this situation anymore?
MIL drama
My MiL, as sweet and kind as she was, at the age of 95, she was getting 24/7 care from one of the older brothers. He couldnt handle it, and told the family that he needed weekends off. So the sibs got together and made a schedule. As her mental health and regular health declined, she got more and more difficult. The grands were conscripted to help out.
Now, important to this scenario is that the children got together, and decided together what to do. And whats more important is that my MIL lived in her own home and on weekends would be shuttled to that scheduled childs home.
Can you discuss with your H about MIL shuttling between her children's homes? For like 3 month incremements? Or alternatively, sharing her housing costs so at least you arent saddled with paying everything for her?
Id suggest that you get a job and get your finances in order. I know its hard with a toddler, but SS and MIL can do baby sitting. ANd MIL can do more to help around the house.
Make her the chore b1tch as rags likes to say.