Like you said, it is what it is. I think they're old enough for you to tell them if they ask, just try to stick to facts and keep any personal opinions of BM/BM motives to yourself.

She choose to become a stay at home mom AND gets support. Really. I don't understand this. If a NCP loses their job they still have to provide the same amount support.

Why can she chose not to work and have sk 40% of the time AND get support.

If you can put a twist on the support and not put the,BM down then you should explain. Child support becomes a bill that has to be paid.

Appeal it anyway. Be prepared to lose, but appeal. You have to at least TRY. She CHOSE not to work. She still needs to support her kids, it's her obligation.

Every state is different, but you should have around 30 days to file a Notice of Appeal. It's basically a paper sent to the court and to BM giving her notice of your intent to appeal. Do that further towards the end of the 30 days, and from there you will have 30/45/60 (depending on your state) days to file the first brief.

It's not as complicated as they make it out to be.

My DH discussed CS with his kids while the fighting was going on in court and I think it was a big mistake. They resented the change and felt guilty. I think they are too young to be involved. Just my opinion of course.

What a joke. Id be telling the kids flat out. Im sure that dad, as their parent doesnt want it to sound like its its all about money, but honestly we tell SD4 that when shes wants things she needs to ask BM. SD4 knows that daddy gives her mommy money all the time so she is taken care of and can get the things she needs and wants. I think at 9 and 13, they can definitely understand that BM has all the money and not you guys, I see no reason to hide this fact.

Id say we are pretty blunt about it at 4, I expect to be telling her flat out that if BM is choosing not to buy her what she wants or take her where shed like to go, sorry cause weve already paid for part of it, and its up to BM how she spends the money.

I guess im extra bitter because I pay for 99% of the costs of this house, FDH is STILL unemployed and BM is STILL getting her check, but now that unemployment is gone, shes getting his tax refund.. hum REAL smart huh.. Cause you know Im holding on tightly to mine!

I think they are old enough to know the truth. Honestly and openness to me is the best way to go. I'm like the other poster, don't lay any blame but just be honest. it is what it is and they should know.

Tell them...They have a right to know. BM is not protecting them by making this happen, why protect her?

First off if you have the kids about 60% of the time I would try for full custody. Second if you tell your kids that money is going to their mom to help support them and then she doesn't do that and can't buy stuff for them then they will see that she is scum and where is their money going.

Hopefully as long as the money is going for school clothes, supplies and actually to the kids it shouldnt matter if you are doing the actual buying or she is.

DH refuses to tell the SDs about CS even though we give BM boatloads of money and she refuses to buy them basic necessities. They are 9 and 11. In my opinion, if you don't tell them, she will eventually be the one who tells them and it won't be the facts. It will be more like "Daddy is supposed to give me money to take care of you and doesn't ever pay."

Wow, that ruling just made me want to puke. That absolutely sucks. The worst part is the absolute lack of consistency...if it was your DH wanting to have 3 more children and stay home, the court could care less and will impute full time income right up his ass AND call him a deadbeat. Ugh. CS. Most vile system imaginable.

Anyway, I did enlighten my skids about CS because my DH was too wussy to do so. I didn't sit them down and read the order, or air any of my opinions on how jacked the whole thing is...but I got tired of them saying to their father YOU never buy me this, YOU never take me there, MY MOM pays for this or that...so I just finally said look, you do not understand something very important--everything you have with your mom, your dad helps pay for, he sends her a cheque for a lot of money every single month to be sure you are taken care of every single day. All your clothes, food, sports, your mom's house...are all contributed to by your dad, PLUS everything here at our house.

The best part of this was that the skids then asked, so does mom help pay for things here at dad's house too? HA HA HA. That was when I got to let them know, no that would be me, the evil SM, the one you hate and ignore, that makes sure you have every possible comfort in your dad's house. I enjoyed that conversation.

I think if you make the message one of the father's care and contribution rather than their mother's greed or poor life choices, it is fine to let them know the basics of how CS works. I'm sure BM didn't appreciate me raining on her poor me parade, but who the fuck cares about that.

I wouldn't address it unless you reach a point of having to answer questions.

Should that time come, I would be careful in how you phrase things, but I think it's perfectly fine to explain that you don't have money for all the extra things anymore because your Dh is paying CS, which helps BM provide for them at her house.

I would avoid the BM took us to court & now we can't give you stuff because we have to give all of our money to her angle.

The order seems strange to me. Did your Dh have a lawyer?

Tell them the truth. Facts are not good or bad, they are just facts. The way you told us.

"We can no longer afford to provide for you kids the small "luxuries" that your are accustomed to because we have to give any extra money we have to your mother?"

That pretty much covers the facts of the situation.