Well, if you believe it's ridiculous-it's easily remedied. Just permanently remove her phone and cancel her line on your plan. Problem solved!

I actually do think it is ridiculous. sounds like a way for bm to undermine you and sd to manipulate. I would do just as I suggested above.

That's ridiculous. Goes to show that many skids end up getting the best of both worlds. All they have to do is wait out the parent who is actually trying to parent them, and then they run off the the permissive parent. They can always manipulate & lie to get the better of the 2 deals. And people wonder why SMs are so bitter. We know we are expendable.

That's such a horrible idea. Why does a 13 year old need two cell phones? I find it upsetting that BM completely disregarded your punishment. This lets SD know that you guys are not on the same page and she can use that to her advantage.

I have a different angle on this since this has to do with my DD14 and her father, my ex. I had DD14 on my cell plan but she lives with ex full time. He kept grounding her from her phone for MONTHS on end. Mind you, this was a $500 cell phone and a $120 monthly plan that included everything (unlimited talk, text and web). After the 3rd month that DD couldn't use the phone, I cut the service (had to keep the phone on my plan with a "dead" line at $15.00 per month or pay $450 early termination fee). Once the 2 yr plan ended, I cancelled her line completely.

She hasn't had a cell phone for a year now since her dad REFUSES to put her on any type of plan. I even sent her my old phone which was identical to the one she had originally. He still refuses to get her a phone and told me if *I* wanted her to have a phone, *I* could buy one and pay for the plan myself!

Ok, there's a number of reasons why I don't! I pay him $500 a month child support. I already was paying for her phone and plan and he grounded her for months on end. Why am I paying to have her phone sit in a damn locked drawer???

As far as SD14 is concerned, DH refused to buy her a phone when she was asking for one at age SIX. Yes, SIX. BM's father bought her one for Christmas that year (yes, she was 6) and had paid for it up until he passed away last February. BM now pays for SD's cell phone.

My 13 year old SD has a cellphone. We pay for it in addition to the child support we pay BM. Simple reason is so we can actually contact the kids. Otherwise we'd never hear from them on BM's time.

BM's first punishment for SD every single time is to take her phone away. For minor shit, major shit, doesn't matter. Tells us as long as it's in her house, she can do with it as she pleases. Including using it to call me, call my MIL, whatever.

She kept bugging us to cut it off so SHE could get one because she wants extreme restrictions on the phone (only allow SD 6 numbers to call, no texting, no pictures, no internet, etc). We told her no, if she wants a phone she can control, she can buy her own for her house (yes we did). I personally monitor SD's contacts, who she is calling, who she is texting. I have the internet AND pictures blocked on her phone and I also have one of those nanny's that lets you block numbers, etc, on it. There was ONE time that SD texted over 6k messages in one month, we jumped her ass over it, and she has never done it again. Maybe 800-900 msg's a month which for a teenage girl isn't bad IMO. I text everyone cause I hate talking on the phone and that's about what I run. LOL.

SD's been grounded from her phone for the past six months (at our house) due to some really bad decisions on her part. SD told me when she gets her phone back she's never taking it over to BM's again because BM's told her she's going to make it "disappear" so we'll be forced to let her get SD a plan...Not entirely sure how BM thinks that's going to work, but whatevs.

Oh let the game begin! :O

This is the kind of crap we put up with. I would advise you to not pay for anything!! Get a disposable pre pay phone and give it to her when she is at your house and you would like her to have a phone for various reasons a EMERGENCY ONLY phone. She will get tired of that and start whining to mommy about not being able to text her friends etc. so permissive BM will give in and start letting her take her phone. Problem solved. If BM refuses to agree and work with punishment then she can deal with the brat she is creating.

MY SD recently pulled a biggy! She got mad at BM told everyone she wanted to come live with us. Well a week later she changed her mind once BM was willing to give her, her way and kiss her ass. It was basically a "let me do what I want or I will have your CS taken away and YOU will have to pay CS!" Her little "lesson" to BM cost us $1,200 for school registration and lawyer fee's, for her to up and change her mind back when BM begged! :sick:

I would take skids cell phone on your plan back & cancel her line on your plan. She played both parents & she should Not be Rewarded for it!!! Hopefully you wont have to pay a line cancellation fee. If you do- make her pay you back by working it off!!! Thats despicable of BM & skid!!!

Just a thought. Are both phones expensive smartphones? Sell it on ebay if it is!!!

SS 8yrs want a cell phone. I told him no way is he getting one till he is 13 yrs old. I make most of the discipline choices at our house. I've raised two daughter and set rules and boundries. My DH has no experience with kids and wants to be ss best friend. We've had ss so long now that its just the normal in our house. I know most sm don't have this choice, but I'm raising ss like he was one of my own. SS knows who his BM is and he loves her. At the end of the day I get all the respect because ss will run over his dad and BM, but he never does that to me. We have a really good relationship. If there ever comes a day when DH has to let ss go with BM ss will have a cell phone so if he wants us to come get him we will. (Right now the only thing Bm has is sv, and there not getting used cause shes in prison).

My exH and his current wife used to take my kids cell phones (that I pay for) away from them when they walked in the house for their visits. We ended up in mediation to modify some stuff in our decree and one thing I added in was that cell phones cannot be taken away from children for any reason except by party paying the phone bill.

The kids are aware of the clause and feel better knowing that they have a way to call friends and family when they are with their dad.

I don't think anyone needs two phones. However, you want advice right?
My advice:
Don't tell BM your opinion. Let her get her another phone if she wants. She's her mom and she can do that. Maybe she didn't like not being able to call SD because her phone was taken. Maybe she just wants to stick it to you. Who cares.
Keep your sanity. Just focus on your home and what happens there. Let BM do the same.

This happened to my exsd. Her father had her on his plan. Then she went way over her minutes so he took it away. Bm got mad and bought her a new phone on her plan. Then she banned her from giving her father the new phone number, forcing him to keep the plan. This went on forever. He finally canceled the plan so BM then blocked his number from calling the new phone. Now she is not allowed to talk to her father at all. So it never got resolved. So crazy!!

First off, no kid should have two cell phones. Second, I've always gone by the fact that the kid having a cell phone is a privilege and not a requirement.

If the kid does something that requires a punishment and they really like their phone, then that is something that they could get taken away. Just like if a video game is their favorite, they lose that. It has to be something important to them.

There must be another way that the other parent can contact their kid. What did they do before they were old enough for a cell phone?

Here's what I think - kids do not need cell phones to constantly text, talk, and be on the internet. It can only lead to unwanted trouble. If I had my way it would be a cheap pre paid phone. And hey when you use it up for the month you don't have a phone. It is a constant issue with SD13. She talks, texts, facebook, twitter, etc... it drives me insane at the dinner table! Of course since she is spoiled and entitled she gets away with it.

SO was going to take it away at one point because of some crap she had done. Well, his mom said that was fine he could take and she would just go out and get her a new one. WTH??? He tries to parent only to be blocked by BM and his own mom!

Kids need to be watched on the internet, right??? A cell phone with web access is the same thing! THEY DO NOT NEED IT get them a cheap one to talk and text both parents only