When will she stop?
I probably should've found this site the day I met him but here I am at minds end finally doing it.
Can somebody pleeeeeeeease tell me how to deal with the ex wife and her HATRED of all things us?
The incessant texts, micro-managing his parenting, micro-managing his family relationships, making up rumors about me to try and end our relationship, telling her children hate filled things about their father and I, spending all major holidays and birthdays with his family... Somebody... Help...
I can't eat, can't sleep, walk on egg shells, waiting for this woman to strike again and again.
I'm not a mean, vindictive person and i'm struggling when dealing one that is.....
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I had this problem at first.
I had this problem at first. She had this idea that DH was cheatin on her with me (we met after the divorce) we finally sat down and had a talk. It was scary! I told her all about myself and my beliefs. I assured her that I wasn't trying to steal her kids' affection. I just wanted to be another person to love them. In all dealings with her, I am level headed and calm. It pains me sometimes to be so nice to the woman who makes my husbands life miserable at times. It has been helping though. She has gotten nicer and more reasonable. She now even asks for my opinion on things related to the kids! It has been hard. Lots of tears on my part
I can't thank everyone enough
I can't thank everyone enough for replying. I needed to see strong opinions on what I (WE) are all dealing with. I went back to counseling to deal with some of this stuff too. My counselor in todays session suggested I write her (the ex) a letter saying all the stuff I wish I could say to her face and bring the letter with me to our next session. I'm looking forward to this.
After my major breakdown last week which led to my reaching outside my sphere of influence (family and close friends) to this group and to my counselor/therapist we've come up with the following rules in our house...
1. from the moment he walks in the door after work to the moment he gets in his truck for work in the morning, his phone is set to Calls Only and he does not check emails or messages during MY TIME. He is to address problems that arise via email with her and on the phone during his time away (which could be at work, kids games, etc). UNLESS, the children are sick or there's a true emergency.
In my case, most of his friends are co-workers or have families of their own so not much texting or talking occurs during the evening. so this CALLS only rule is easier to follow.
The good news... the kids come home to our house tonight - sunday afternoon. I'm so excited to see them.
THANK YOU a million times over for responding and Justifying my feelings. There's still a lot to work through but priority one is getting myself back on track - out of the rut - and back to trusting him wholeheartedly (sp?)...
I can't thank everyone enough
I can't thank everyone enough for replying. I needed to see strong opinions on what I (WE) are all dealing with. I went back to counseling to deal with some of this stuff too. My counselor in todays session suggested I write her (the ex) a letter saying all the stuff I wish I could say to her face and bring the letter with me to our next session. I'm looking forward to this.
After my major breakdown last week which led to my reaching outside my sphere of influence (family and close friends) to this group and to my counselor/therapist we've come up with the following rules in our house...
1. from the moment he walks in the door after work to the moment he gets in his truck for work in the morning, his phone is set to Calls Only and he does not check emails or messages during MY TIME. He is to address problems that arise via email with her and on the phone during his time away (which could be at work, kids games, etc). UNLESS, the children are sick or there's a true emergency.
In my case, most of his friends are co-workers or have families of their own so not much texting or talking occurs during the evening. so this CALLS only rule is easier to follow.
The good news... the kids come home to our house tonight - sunday afternoon. I'm so excited to see them.
THANK YOU a million times over for responding and Justifying my feelings. There's still a lot to work through but priority one is getting myself back on track - out of the rut - and back to trusting him wholeheartedly (sp?)...
Go on the offensive rather
Go on the offensive rather than waiting for her to strike. My wife was on egg shells when I met her, always waiting for SpermGrandMa to throw another custody claim, abuse claim, neglect claim, etc.... against my wife. When we met my wife was a 18yo single teen mom college freshman more than 1000 miles from home with a 1yo kid.
SpermGrandMa was, and still is, a vindictive bitch hell bent on punishing my wife for leaving SpermGrandMa's precious but worthless and toothless POS son who is my SS's BioDad. She is too much of an idiot to recognize that her son is a serial statutory rapist and that he is of no redeeming quality or character. Impregnating a 16yo when he was 21 then abandoning her and his kid to run off with yet another 16yo and to go on to a distinguished breeding career of 4 out-of-wedlock children by three different baby mamas. When we bring this up with her she goes ballistic. "Don't bring that up again!". Damned straight we will bring it up. It is FACT.
Shortly after we began dating my wife (then GF) decided to quit letting SpermGrandMa intimidate her and to call the SpermClan's bullshit all the time and every time they tried anything. She took out supplemental school loans, got an attorney and went after the SpermIdiot, SpermGrandMa and the SpermClan with a vengeance.
My wife was not mean and vindictive. She stuck to the facts and kicked ass any time the SpermClan attempted to fuck with her.
SpermGrandMa is the mean and vindictive one. But, there is nothing more entertaining or more pathetic than a mean and vindictive person who gets their ass kicked in court every time they try to be mean and vindictive.
On our side of the blended family equation I am the mean and vindictive one. I absolutely relish in pissing off and barring the asses of the SpermClan every chance they give me and even do it on my own initiative occasionally. They know better than to start shit with my wife, screw with my kid (SS-18) or otherwise interfere in our lives and in our family relationships.
When BM tries to micro manage your DHs parenting he needs to give her absolute clarity and let her know in no uncertain terms that she has ZERO say or even an opinion for how he parents his kids during his time with HIS kids.
When BM tries to interfere with DHs family relationships, BF needs to show up at a BM family function and bare her ass in front of her family by telling her in no uncertain terms that she will not attempt to manipulate DHs family again or it will be game on for real.
DH needs to grab a handful of sack and let BM know that she is no longer a part of his family and is no longer welcome at his family functions. No birthdays, no holidays, no nothin.
When she spouts bullshit to the Skids about you and their father, record the things that the kids say BM told them then drag her ass to court. EVERY TIME!!!!!!
You need to give DH clarity that this is what you expect him to do to support you within the marriage.
Until he does his children will suffer and so will your marriage.
IMHO of course.
Welcome by the way. I hope you find this a good place to vent, contribute and pick up some good advice from others who are living the blended family dream
I can't thank everyone enough
I can't thank everyone enough for replying. I needed to see strong opinions on what I (WE) are all dealing with. I went back to counseling to deal with some of this stuff too. My counselor in todays session suggested I write her (the ex) a letter saying all the stuff I wish I could say to her face and bring the letter with me to our next session. I'm looking forward to this.
After my major breakdown last week which led to my reaching outside my sphere of influence (family and close friends) to this group and to my counselor/therapist we've come up with the following rules in our house...
1. from the moment he walks in the door after work to the moment he gets in his truck for work in the morning, his phone is set to Calls Only and he does not check emails or messages during MY TIME. He is to address problems that arise via email with her and on the phone during his time away (which could be at work, kids games, etc). UNLESS, the children are sick or there's a true emergency.
In my case, most of his friends are co-workers or have families of their own so not much texting or talking occurs during the evening. so this CALLS only rule is easier to follow.
The good news... the kids come home to our house tonight - sunday afternoon. I'm so excited to see them.
THANK YOU a million times over for responding and Justifying my feelings. There's still a lot to work through but priority one is getting myself back on track - out of the rut - and back to trusting him wholeheartedly (sp?)...
We have a BM from hell. She
We have a BM from hell. She used to bash us both, but now it is me that is the cause of all of BMs misery. She told the kids I was a devil worshipper and a mean lady when they were little.
She tells people DH never pays child support and is a deadbeat, still to this day....$1200 a month.....but she says he doesn't pay her a dime! I used to fret about what she said...it went away....until FACEBOOK.
She added everyone on facebook and it started a war where I ended up calling her a worthless piece of shit money grubbing whore. This ruined Christmas, but you know...I feel about 3,000 times better than I did before.
I've been dealing with her bullshit mouth for 10 years and I finally snapped in front of God and everybody! You just have to block the woman out as much as possible. If there was a way to copy these texts it could be considered harrassment. BM used to call and berate DH all the time. When he refused to play her game anymore, she quit trying because he wouldn't respond.
Your DH needs to disengage more. There is no reason for all those texts and phone calls and her opinions of him mean nothing. If he listens to her, then he gives her more fuel for her bitch fire. We finally have peace in our home because BM knows that she better only call in an effing emergency situation and even then, she'll be lucky to reach him. DH usually lets it go to voicemail to see what she wants...then he'll deal with her on "his" time.
Yes you need to cut this
Yes you need to cut this woman off.
there is not reason that he shouldnt be allowed peace.
Do everything that Rags suggested.
And until you have had a chance to do all of the above, and for instant relief, tell DH to go out and get the cheapest cellphone and SIM card pay as you go, text BM that his number has changed and give her the new one.
That way everytime his old phone rings he is 100% certain it is not BM.
It seriously helped us out as we were getting it from all angles. now the only texts my SO replies to are purely logistical about pick ups or anything RELEVANT to shared parenting. everything else gets ignored as the phone lives in a drawer most of the time. if its an emergency or something urgent she will call and then we know its her as its a different ringtone.