Looking for some support & advice : ) Honesty only please!
I never thought I’d resort to a blog for some advice, but turns out that there aren’t a lot of people in my current position. I’m 30 and my boyfriend is 36. We have been together for 14 months and lived together since August 2018. I am technically not a stepmom yet, but it seems to be going that route in the near future. I have no biological kids..just a wonderful dog :). Anyway, my boyfriend’s sons are 7 & 9. They lost their mother 2 years ago to an illness. She was only 34. My boyfriend and his ex wife were divorced prior ..at her request & mainly because she was so ill that it affected her mental health. She kind of changed into a different person and wanted a divorce. The boys are so well-behaved and my boyfriend genuinely loves me very much. He has made this situation & transition as easy as possible. In fact, I’ve dated men without kids who are way more complicated. With that being said, it is HARD sometimes for me. The boys care about me and tell their dad they miss me if I’m at a work training. They even call me on the phone if I’m away for work. However, the 7 year old (who has a heart of gold) has made a comment on two occasions about me not being part of their family. It bothers my boyfriend greatly. And it does affect me because I feel like such an outsider already. You see, I do want my own kids and I FINALLY found the guy that wants to give me everything I want & need. Just one problem - he had a vasectomy 5 yrs ago because his wife got so sick after the youngest was born that he was scared to have anymore. Anyway, he wants a child with me now and we have had a consult with a great doctor who says we are great candidates for a reversal. We plan on getting that done this February/March. Of course, naturally, I’m a negative thinker and I overthink EVERYTHING. I’m constantly thinking “what if it doesn’t work” “what will I do” “I’m only 30 - I can still run.” I just think terrible things sometimes and when comments like “im not part of the family” are said..it makes me even worse. Sometimes I feel unhappy. Can anyone relate? Does anyone have any advice? I appreciate anything & everything! I encourage honesty!