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My Stepmom&Wife Situation

StepmomWifeTeacher's picture

I’m new to Steptalk, but I’m hoping this blog will allow me to release what I have bottled up. The truth of my situation is...

1. Married the love of my life. Plus!

2. He has two wonderful children. Plus!

3. I’m a fantastic stepmom & they love me. Plus!

4. The BM is a money hungry, geezer gold diggin, fake titty wearin, cake facin, teenage clothing wearing, ditsy dumb, and finally a word that rhymes with bunt, a bunt! Awe I feel so much better now. 

This is the straight truth plain and simple.

My husband never gets to see his children and when he does the BM is always trying to cut his time short or keep them on his time or she is around due to sporting events. Why? Cause sports are on the weekends. She likes to stand right next to my husband during sports wearing slutty pants/short shorts and revealing shirts showing her fake boobs and fake self. She will stand along the sporting fence and stick her ass out right next to my husband. Are you kidding me?

I try to take a video of one of the kids playing and she talks or walks over into my video every single time trying to ruin my video. The children love playing with me which is awesome, but going to these events where I have to deal with this annoyance is ridiculous. I want to watch the children  play sports, but I’m so sick of dealing with her garbage. I just keep telling myself, “It’s for the children, It’s for the children.” That is how I survive. The hardest thing for me is that I have to hold my tongue. Again, “It’s for the children.” My husband knows how hard it is for me to hold my tongue. I just don’t understand how a mother can dress so inappropriately and in public. Then have the audacity to come stand next to my husband and I. I wonder, “where is her husband?” He hasn’t come to one event. By the way the man is almost double her age and is somewhat wealthy. He’s not a millionaire, but is doing well for himself. It makes sense though because he’s old.

Anyways, the most ridiculous part of this truth is that my husband still pays her unjustified amounts of CS. The CS per month is more than our rent and electric combined. We are barely paying our bills. Meanwhile the children and the BM live in a mansion on a golf course, drive new vehicles, and travel all the time (not ever with the children). The children tell us they want new shoes and we say to tell their BM bc that is what CS is for and she should buy them clothes and shoes. The children tell us that she goes shopping all the time and she doesn’t have any money. Are you kidding me? So we try to buy the children clothes and shoes when we can afford it. I love taking care of the children and buying them food and clothes and shoes, but cmon that is why the government decided to force CS upon the noncustodial parent. Correct? If the government cannot make sure that the money is being used on the child then I don’t believe in people paying CS. I don’t! There should be record of what the money is going towards and how it’s spent. 

Another issue bothering me is that when my husband and I pick up the children they are always hungry. We ask them, “what did y’all eat today?” The children respond, “nothing! We didn’t have time.” I respond, “what do you mean that you didn’t have time?” Child responds, “ we were running around everywhere place to place and we didn’t have time.” It’s past 3 o’clock! My husband and I are not happy about this and taught the children about how important it is to eat and that eating is a priority. We told them to tell anyone around that they are hungry and they must get food because food is a priority. How can the BM do this to her own children. It’s just sad. The BM is that selfish. Then, while we have the children she is calling and texting all through out the weekend. She asks, “What are you doing?” “Where are you?” “Do you love me? You don’t ever remember to call me. Try to remember to call me.” We literally have them 4-6 days a month and the days are spaced out. She can’t stand when we have the children. Finding peace in this situation is hard. The children are worth it though, so I will continue to hold my tongue. For the children, my husband, and to continue being an adult and a great stepmom I will put up with the nonsense. I wish someone would hand her a pair of actual pants or outfit that says mother though. I can hope for that right? 

I feel better now. It’s nice to finally get this out. Thank you for listening to my situation.


DaizyDuke's picture

wow she sounds like a winner.  Not much you can do about any of her nonsense really other  than limiting her contact with skids when they are with you, and ignoring the whore.  SS played soccer once when he was 8 or 9 and DH and I went to every game.  The first game we went to, BM was there before us and I happened to notice she had an extra chair all set up.. like I think she thought DH was coming by himself and he was going to sit with her ???  Um no.  At least she dresses like  a normal person, but I still hated being within a 10 mile radius of her.  Gross.  I usually did my best to ignore... to talk to other parents, or talk on my phone or SOMETHING... cause Lord knows SS was NOT a good soccer player lol  Thankfully he only played that one time and we didn't have to deal with that torture again.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

BM gossiped to all the softball moms last year. Day one: Everyone talked to me. Several weeks in: BM shows up to one practice, suddenly I am invisible. They like drama, and chaos. Our BM has also brought us the skids unfed around 8PM at night (late) during those VERY FEW times she has contact with them... But she's claiming them on food stamps... So idk why she seems to think it's too big of a chore to provide food for two kids, when she's getting support to be feeding them, the one day every few months she MIGHT see them... *eyeroll* (That happened in November... She hasn't seen them for more than like an 4 hours total since)

Your Bm sounds "fantastic." And I can relate to her dressing like a wh0re and attempting to hit on and be close to MY DH. Makes me wnat to help Karma do her job.

Hang in there!

MoominMama's picture

Isn't it great to have such a person forcing themselves into your life ? 

like others said, there's not a lot you can do as sadly we can't change or control the behaviour of others. But...

I'm wondering if there is a CO after the divorce and what it actually states. She has to keep to the agreeed times that he is supposed to see the kids - if she does not then you have to enforce it.

CS  - if the CO does not state differently then it should cover all their needs whilst they are with her. This means shoes and food too and it would be reasonable to expect to have use of those items at their fathers house too. Do not buy them shoes and clothes etc if the cs is supposed to cover that. The minute you start doing this the BM will take advantage of it. The less she spends on the kids the more she gets to spend on herself. If the kids ask for clothes and shoes then you can bet that she has put them up to it. Your DH needs t clearly state that he has given their mother money for these things and then leave it at that.

About the sports events - again, your DH needs to tell her that he does not want to stand with her at these events. They are DIVORCED. It is not 'for the kids' it's for HER.

The phones: sounds like the kids don't want to constantly talking and texting her or she would not be whining that they are not contacting her enough. Ask them how much and how often they want to contact her or preferable have then contact her in the evening before bedtime to say goodnight. Nothing more. It is not necessary and she is interfering with your DH's time with his kids.

To be honest I think you are a little too involved. If your DH starts to put his foot down there will be repurcussions from BM and you don't want to be in the firing line. It is their problem not yours Smile

Iamwoman's picture

Yes, my skids BM also tried throwing herself at DH for the first couple of years. No slutty clothes though, although that would have just made me laugh considering she is pushing 300 lbs. She did things like meeting up with strange men and then acting like a victim, or offering my DH “no strings attached” sex (I’d never even heard of this until she offered, then I laughed and laughed), and like your skids BM, she rarely feeds the kids, but will tell anyone who listens that she “makes dinner every night.” I guess “makes dinner” is code for lazing about playing computer games.

is there any possible way you and your DH can get at least 50/50 if not primary custody? You sound like a wonderful mom.

SteptoThis's picture

Petty. Not you. Her. But you control you.  I would honestly be careful about the no eating issue.  Our BM told us the kids come home hungry from their weekends with us and accused us of not feeding them.  They eat three homemade meals each and every day with seconds if theyd' like but they go home and are (her words) "RAVENOUS."

Ask a kid what he did at school: "nuthin'" but you know it's not true.

I'd also caution against talking about CS TO the kids.  Not trying to be mean.  My DH pays 2 grand per month for his 4 kids and one time they asked for something and he said: "Tell your mom! That's what I pay all that money to her for."  I had to drag him to the other room and tell him not to mention that to them. That's adult business-- not for kids.  If you can't afford it, just tell them you can't or not right now or something.

As far as her dressing? lol. let her. she's the fool. And i'm sure everyone else sees it.  Stay classy.  hold your head high and know who looks like an idiot. 

notsobad's picture

Could your DH coach?

My DH coached SS and it was great. I would go and watch, sit with the inlaws or the other parents and enjoy the game. DH got to spend tons of time with SS and BM couldn't interfer.

I was lucky, no one liked BM and the other parents loved me. We all got along very well. So when BM would come and try to get attention, be it her new expensive clothes, or her loud voice or her fake nice-nice "Ive been sooooooo busy", 'You look wonderful", "We need to do coffee" chit chat while everyone was trying to watch the game, no one paid her much attention.


classyNJ's picture

She sounds like a winner!

DBDB tried the same thing at sporting events.  When her husband didn't come she would come to stand/sit right next to SO.  We would stay there for a few minutes, give each other the "haha" eye, say lets go get water/hot chocolate, etc.  We would then walk away, not even going to the snack stand and find another place to sit/stand.  After a while she stopped trying to stand by us and we were embarrassing her.  Try it - it may work.

I agree about the CS but unfortunately unless the courts make her prove with itemized list of what CS is spent on there is no way to tell.  BUT telling the kids to ask their mother because thats what he pays CS for should never be said to them.  


StepmomWifeTeacher's picture

 Thank you for all the advice! I really didn’t know who to ask. Everyone’s input has been very helpful. I also agree that we should talk about CS to skids. It’s not good for them to hear. I guess I had to learn that one. DH cannot coach due to work. The idea of walking to the snack bar is a good one. Thank you!

Simpleton21's picture

Classic BM moves (at least for most of us here).  When SO and I first started dating I used to go with him to SD's ECAs all the time.  One of the first ones I went to was her ice skating practice.  SO and I sat at the opposite end of the rink from BM.  Later BM went off on SO about how not sitting next to her (BM) only hurt SD and he wasn't putting SD's needs first by sitting somewhere else (BM was with her bf & his kids).  The real issue (IMO) was that SD only paid attention to us and was waving and smiling at us and not BM and her crew.  I just laughed when SO told me how BM was flipping out about this....mmmkay crazy!  

Anyways, now that I have been with SO for a longer period of time and now how toxic and high conflict BM is I opt out of going to any of SD's practices/games/etcs.  I know to many things that BM has said/done to even want to put myself in a situation where I have to fake nice with her for the sake of SD.  I would rather not go.  I use my youngest (3) as an excuse.  I'll just stay home with BS because he can be a pain and interrupt watching SDs athletics, lol!  I went to one game that SD was cheering at this past cheer season.  SO and I found a spot, set up our seats and next thing you know here comes BM and she plops her seat down right next to SO and starts talking to him like they are besties.  I'll have to say that it did irritate the crap out of me.  Not b/c I think SO wants her back or has any interest in her at all but because I know the real her and she isn't nicey nice and they aren't buddies but she has to put on a show when in public like they are.  My other thought on the situation was that the other cheer moms probably don't like her or she would have sat with them since she was a "cheer mom" - not a coach - so whatever that means.  After that experience though I told SO that I wouldn't be attending anymore SD events.  He may be okay with chit chatting and playing bestie with his ex but I'm not and I'm not going to torture myself with that nonsense anymore.  

StepmomWifeTeacher's picture

I feel the same way. You are so lucky you can opt out and spend time with your little one. I don’t have children with my husband yet, so I’m limited with excuses. I don’t want to hurt the skids feelings either and not go to the games. They love when I go and the youngest SS will even run to me after his game with lots to talk about to me and DH and how he played so well. Maybe I will just go to less games. I’m just so sick of having to deal with the bimbo. She literally disgusts me. I feel bad for the children too for having a mother that dresses like a teenage slut at their games. How embarrassing.