Well, I totally engaged myself yesterday. My "clean freak" side came out and I lost it.

1) SD9 and her friend were playing outside and created a big pile of crap. Stuff from inside the house, not allowed told 10x over and over, stuff collected from outside and piled under her bedroom window for future use. This is in front of the house. Left 2 cups on the front stairs. I dumped cups and threw them into the pile.

2) DP make SDs and friend dinner...I was blissfully painting our bedroom (still) and chose not to do anything nor join them for dinner. Recognized the no patience in my brain and thanking god that I was painting and too busy. DP just has no control over any food, behavior or decision making...very clear in overheard conversations and desperation in DPs voice. They just ignore his pleas.

3) After DP leaves to take SD9s friend home (after he's annoyed that my car is blocking his...hey, I didn't know her friend was over when I got home nor did I know her dad wasn't going to come get her and that you'd have to drive...here's my keys...).

4) I go out to the dining room/kitchen. It's not the worst disaster but pretty bad. Plates/food/other things left out everywhere, dishwasher still full of clean dishes so no dirty dishes taken care of. Food remains left out instead of being put away into fridge, trash and recycle containers full. So, my mistake, I cleaned it ALL.

I cleaned everything. Took out trash/recycle (DP didn't take care of it the night before like I asked). Cleared and cleaned table, put shit in the fridge, unloaded dishwasher. I didn't touch the pile of crap under SD9s window though. Texted DP that needed to be cleaned up as soon as they got home (I suggested that BOTH SD9 and her friend clean it before she goes home, but that's too hard because she's there "too late" and my suggestion that maybe she leaves EARLIER was met with pure skepticism like DP has NO control over the situation).

I was pissed by the time DP got home and he was pissed with me that I had texted him instead of waiting till he got home. I then got to tell him the story of the giant racoon that had drug out trash can half way across our driveway 5 min after I put the trash in it (then had to secure it more) and WHY the CRAP needs to be cleaned up. They have a PLAY HOUSE in the back yard. USE IT. His response was "did you throw the cups down here (into the pile of crap)?" YES, DP I did. I didn't want the freaking raccoon coming onto the deck to investigate. Is it a problem that I took care of our cups like I best thought? Or that your SD9 is ignoring adult instructions again? Oh, it's ME?!

Ended up in a good conversation as we talked about it. He's going to step up and I'm going to match in stepping down. HA. We'll see how this goes, it's been discussed before. One thing I didn't tell him was if I find crap left by SD9 out again it's all being thrown out immediately. Just like things left around the house. You leave it out? You must not want it.

Disengage - don't mention it - don't discuss when it involves SDs - quietly take care of what I can on my own that doesn't cause me issues.

So I am ok today and ready to continue.

And I forgot to add, about 10:30 SD11 comes stomping into our room, unannounced, and starts discussing the book she's reading. I don't say a word, continue reading my book. Reminding myself, "Disengaged..." - DP is annoyed. I think I should maybe get something other than reading going the next time they are here and THEN see how he likes her just waltzing in (as she has made it clear we must knock before entering her room...). If I'm in there alone and that happens I'll say something to them, but if DPs there he needs to do so IMHO.