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Cover1W's picture

Yes, it's definitely happening with SD13 full on.

SD13, DH and I were having dinner last night and DH and I were talking about plans for the following weekend when YSD would be at our home.  SD says, "But I won't be here, I'll be at mommy's."  We both said, "What are you talking about?"  Well, apparently BM has made plans not only this coming weekend (she has the SDs for Easter, no biggie) but also the following weekend, on DH's weekend. 

Classic move that's happened I think three clear times since November-ish.  BM doesn't contact DH for the schedule change, instead SD is made to be the bearer of the news and then DH cannot say "No" easily because now HE will be the bad guy.  It's a no-win. 

DH was visibly upset at this and asked SD why she wanted to do that and whether she'd rather be with us on one of the weekends; and that the every other weekend schedule should be followed.  She said no to Easter (obviously because that's a prime Disney BM day) but she did let on she was missing several things by being with BM the following weekend which she could do if she was at our home.  However, she was very, very reluctant to even try to think about saying no to her mom and she was upset DH was upset.  I told DH as quickly as possible (because he cannot make SD the determiner of this) "Hey, DH why don't you contact BM and let her know if she has SD for that extra weekend then you will take her for an extra weekend on a certain date in May."  Then steered the conversation to other things.

And now I am done - I always advise DH to remain calm, do not react to BM esp. in front of SD(s), and when emailing her remain cool, calm and facts only...because you have SD on my weekend X then I will be having her at my home on weekend Y to make up for it.  But he never does. 

Rope dropped because I have no say - it's sad to see this happening.


hereiam's picture

My DH and I were JUST talking about this regarding SD27. My SD was about 13 when she started wanted to skip weekends with DH because her mom's family was doing this or that (oddly enough, I distinctly remember it starting with an Easter weekend). In the years leading up to that, BM would tell SD all of the fun things they did on the weekends that SD was with us. It is definitely a no-win and it is definitely a form of alienation. 

My husband's relationship with his daughter did not fare well through all of this. They have a superficial relationship, at best. I'm sorry that your DH is going through this.

advice.only2's picture

I truly believe if you were not in the picture DH would never see his children at all.  From your posts it appears he truly is a follower and needs a person to tell him what to do about his children.

Seeing as he is the parent and cares do little I wouldn’t even bother to interact it worry about it.

SD: but mommies keeping me next weekend!

DH: crickets 

You: shrugs shoulders and moves on