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YSD pulled the same crap this Easter as last year

Disillusioned's picture

YSD and DH wanted to do an Easter video call on the weekend

DH insisted that I participate in this one

I have avoided all calls including video calls with YSD after her crappy treatment towards me last year this time (after not even acknowleding I was on the call with a hello or thank you for the Easter package I paid for in full, wrapped, arranged for DH to mail, etc.. let alone all the nice things said to DH and DH alone about how much they loved him and that he was the best yada yada)

But DH insisted YSD has been much better since then and nothing like that has happened again and that for this call, it would be appropriate for me to join in

So I agreed to say hello, Happy Easter, etc... but not much more than that

I sincerely thought as well that YSD wouldn't pull that same crap again. Yes I know, stupid me

The video call starts and there is SGD sitting in front of the camera and YSD in the background

DH & I both waive at SGD, smile, and we both say hello to her

SGD turns to YSD and says "Look Mommy my Papa? Grandpapa? Grandpa is waving at me!"

She wasn't sure what to call DH, but clear to me was that once again the only one that this child had been encouraged to acknowledge was DH

They open the package and SGD runs off, clearly bored at talking with us

YSD says to DH that this kid doesn't know what it's like much to have an actual party with people due to the last two year's having birthdays during a pandemic and that "the last party she had was at your place Dad"

Well, that party was at OUR place. We both own this home and seeing that DH is retired and I'm the only one paying the mortgage on it I would say the home is just as much mine as DH's. 

And I not DH was the one that held the little dinner party for SGD. Bought everything including the cake, all food, decorations, hosted it and cleaned up after

Then YSD adds that she asked SGD about the party and if she "remembered the party at Grandpa's house"


YSD did thank us both for the gifts this year and ended with her usual "Love you both"....all just for the sake of convincing DH of course that she really isn't pulling the crap that she is

But more than obvious to me she is continuing the sneaky slimly games to alienate, humiliate and generally make me felel unimportant, unwelcome and unwanted

Good thing I'm on to her, good thing I refused to pay one dime of my hard earned money on her and her family for Easter this year nor will spend one dime on her or her family ever again

And good thing I'm so pleasantly disengaged from her now, she matters about as much to me as I apparently matter to her - not much! 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Now you know to stop allowing your DH to pressure you into doing anything with YSD.

Just Let It Go!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

You're being too kind, my dear. Your DH doesn't get it because he doesn't WANT to get it. Because life is easier for HIM if he doesn't see it. You being supportive and going along with things all these years made things good for HIM.

Disillusioned's picture

Couldn't agree with you more Exjulie!

Read my newest post in the General forum aobut the little convo DH & I had following the video call with YSD and SGD

....unfortunately for him, he got an earful when he asked what more he could possibly do to support me

I mean seriously, you are so correct - no way he doesn't get it, just simply doesn't want to because life is so much easier when he can pretend his family is perfect and do not have a bad intention in their body

Glad I coud set him straight on that one LOL Smile

Birchclimber's picture

AAAAaaaargh... I can SO relate to this!  The part about buying, wrapping, addressing and sending gifts and cards to the sgk's and then not even getting acknowledged when they call to thank GRANDPA and Grandpa only, even though my name is on the card and it is clearly my handwriting!   Hosting their weekend visits at OUR home, whereby I did all of the cooking for them, and cleaning up after them, and then later having to hear the SD's say "the last time we were at your place, DAD,....".  What a pile of rubbish. 
One of the last times that one of the SD's was at our house, she actually asked just my DH for a print that is on our wall.  The request went like this, "Daaaaad, you know that print that is at the top of the stairs?  Well, Roleypoley (SGD) really likes it and wonders if she could have it when you're done with it."  To which I jumped in and replied, "WE really like that print too and WE'RE not really planning on getting rid of it any time soon." while my DH was muttering something about us "keeping that in mind if we ever do get rid of it."  I mean, to actually go through OUR house and try to lay claim to stuff hanging on our wall and then asking only my DH if they can have it???  ESPECIALLY we've been together for 30 years?  What kind of an idiot would think that that is acceptable behavior?  What kind of idiot would think it's acceptable to refer to the home where their father and his wife lives as his place, when they know full well that the home was acquired by both parties??  Who are these people???!!!!...seriously! 
And yes, I've heard the "love you both" BS come from the YSD before too, and I agree.  It's a way of manipulating our DH into believing that all of their dismissive behaviors are just in our feeble little minds and they actually do accept and love us as part of the family.  Sooooo frustrating!

Disillusioned's picture

Wow Birchclimber, I could not have said that any better if I tried.

And thank you - your clear frustration with this sitution is exactly what so many of us feel when dealing with this dismissive behaviour from the steps

I would be shocked that your SD had the nerve to ask DH and DH only for your print in your home, but I've experienced that crap myself! Even from my SIL who once demanded to DH that he host her birthday dinner in our home and that it was 'his turn'. I was literally sitting right beside DH talking with someone and she never once even looked in my direction let alone ask 'us' if 'we' would host the dinner party in 'our' home

Even DH was like "what?, I think you need to ask Disillusioned as well" 

To which I kept right on talking to the person beside me because absolutely no one, is going to tell me what I will host or not in my own home. Wow

These people are truly too much

I Love your response to your SD BTW. 

Too funny LOL 

Dovina's picture

I definitely know how this feels. I remember SD sent DH a video showing the grandskid opening up a gift. SD is saying "Thank grandpa for the gift" She said this three times. I guess my name was invisible on the card, kind of like how I am invisible in person. 

Do not do anything for these toxic people again. Ex julie is correct your DH doesnt WANT to see it, its easier for him.

Take the high road,and never bother with her,  because guranteed your SD is far lower on that road..

Disillusioned's picture

Wow Dovina, so unreal. 

I have no desire to do anything again for DH's family, and he knows I will no longer spend a dime of my money nor any of my time on them

Rags's picture

This is one of those you know it when you see it things.  The years of accumulating manipulative toxic crap proves that referencing (Dad's/GPa's) house, asking only the parent for specific items out of the marital home, and dropping in a gratuitous  "love you both" is willfully ignoring and discounting the parents multiple decades spouse.

I would not tolerate this kind of crap at all.  Fortunately I have not had to experience this kind of crap.

Rags's picture

And.... don't I know it.

Dance 4