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SS ate all my food...again

Cooooookies's picture

I love peanut M&M's.  It is one of the very few candies/sweets/treats I actually eat.  Everyone knows it's mine.  The last 1 KILO bag my DH bought me lasted me 8 months.

This 1 KILO bag however (2.2 POUNDS) last only weeks.  Why?  SS15.  Because I didn't hide it like I did the last bag.  Because I shouldn't have to hide food in my own damn house!!!

I pulled it from the top of the fridge and there were maybe 4 bits left.  I went upstairs with the bag, opened SS's door and just said "I barely even ate HALF of this bag!!".  He looked at me with his standard dumb blank stare mixed with oh crap SM is angry again face and I just threw the bag across his bedroom.  Away from his head...thought it was ohhhh sooooo tempting to peg him one, I must admit.  Shut the door and then changed his PS4 password and sent him to bed.

I went downstairs and told DH.  I was also then very very honest and told him how I felt.  How I am struggling to live like this.  How much I resent SS because he allows him to be a lazy, helpless sloth who does nothing and is expected to do nothing, has no chores, responsibilities.  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  I said to DH you even take out the recycles which is his ONLY dang chore!

I said I cannot stand your kid.  I cannot stand who you allow him to be and I resent him big time.  I want to parent him and you just want to be his friend, his buddy and his destroyer.  I am 42 years old and I work my butt off yet I watch this sloth child do absolutely nothing and I resent him and I resent you for allowing it.

DH talked to him and told him he was very disappointed in him.  I told DH that if SS is 20-something and still sitting in the dog forsaken gaming chair doing nothing, not working, not going to school, doing nothing with his life while you sit back and allow it to happen?.......him and I will NOT be living at the same address.

The man is smart so he better know I am flipping serious!  UGGGGHHHH!!!!!

***note*** Sorry but I'm going to bed as it's after midnight in Jolly Ol' England.  I promise I will read and respond tomorrow.  Sorry to blog and ditch but I just had to vent!! xx

 

Comments

Cover1W's picture

Oh man, I get it!  It's that one thing, after about 10 other things that puts you over the edge.  Because you have no control.  You cannot be 'normal' with SKs around.  I lose it like this with DH every so often - I'm disengaged mostly but there ARE times when I step on ANOTHER rotini noodle on the floor and see 5 more that no one bothered to pick up AGAIN and I then go to get my strawberry jam out of the fridge for my toast and the jar is EMPTY and there's raw bacon juice all over the bottom of the meat drawer, so I thien have to take out the entire drawer and disinfect it and everything else in there and re-package it properly and it's a Sunday morning not even 9 am and I'm MAD AS HECK by now and yelling.  DH then gets mad at ME for waking him up  with all the racket (!! poor thing !!) and I tell him it's not just about the dang jam jar!

Nea

I hide cheesy popcorn in my bedroom closet for a reason.

Cooooookies's picture

You're so right... it's about the food and 257 other things rolled into 1.  I am mostly disengaged too but I fear that will only lead to an adult sloth skid.

Ugh

thinkthrice's picture

Guess what SD 19's fav animal is??? Yep, you guessed it.  Quite appropriately The SLOTH!!!*bad*

Cooooookies's picture

99.8% of all the food in this house is for everyone.  It's not like it's restricted.  I literally have maybe 2 things that I say are off limit, at any given time.  As long as you make a salami sandwich with a few slices and don't just eat all the salami in one sitting, I'm good.  Common sense stuff.  This skid though.  I could just scream.

I bought more M&M's from Amazon and used DH's bank account Smile

Maria10's picture

Good for you. Now hide them in your room!

Amcc13's picture

eugh nothin worse lady 

you feel like you let your guard down a second and it all kicks off - be it stealing eating something that isn’t yours or whatever 

have that exit plan ready for sure - I can’t believe that after all you said and all that happened dh only went to talk to him 

fair play for speaking your mind ! 

Cooooookies's picture

It's just a combo of everything, the M&M's was just the last straw.  It's infuriating.

Sweet T's picture

Kids are selfish by nature. 

I know my bs10 ate the last sugar free creamcicle the other day, now dh has told him her could have one before but they are primarily his because he is diabetic. He sat down bs nicely,  explained it and I can guarantee he will not take one again w/o asking and telling how many are left.

 

The difference is I am raising him to be respectful and accountable and my husband as the other adult in our home is the other adult.

Cooooookies's picture

I...we...have sat him down nicely.  Firmly.  Sternly.  Sweetly.  And all other emotions inbetween.  The fact is he is lazy, addicted to junk food and to screens.  DH is a passive parent and I'm the only one who notices things or does anything or wants to do anything about it.  I know the problems...and DH is at the core of all of it.

I get it.  Man is it tiring though.

Sweet T's picture

I wish parents realized that the Disneyland crap does not do your kids any favors.

I know it is exhausting making sure they do the right things. My ex let's our son play video games all day and no rules really. On the plus side they do have a fun relationship,  our son is a good kid because I am the one that limits screen time, enforces the rules, has a schedule with homework and practing reading and other activities. 

It should not have to fall on the step parent to be the bad guy or not be respected as an adult in their home.

Maria10's picture

This is my go to when DH has a BM related stress release on me. The skids are NOT my kids and I am doing more than my part and taking some crap for being the one who is there. No no no! DH needs to talk to BM if he feels like she putting pressure on him. Parent your children!

MoominMama's picture

'I shouldn't have to hide food in my own damn house!!!'   - this right there. That's the feeling I have. It's not the food itself it's the fact of the lack of respect and the greed and them dictating how it's going to be in your own home. You don't feel it's your safe place anymore.

Food is locked up at night here - we lock the kitchen which leads to the basement because he literally gorges. Drinks all the milk, eats all MY chocolate (but leaving his own candies from easter just lying there) half a bread loaf, butter or margarine eats nearly a whole pot of that. It is quite insane but he gets a get out of jail free card because of his Hi functioning AS. I don't buy it at all. He knows the difference between right and wrong.

I baked 36 oat and raisen cookies from gluten and lactose free ingredients so that I could eat some too. At some point he raided the tupperware container and left 2 in there! 2 !!! 

As you know he is good at stealing with the money, food and sweets he steals. It's like he can't stand it if anyone else has things even though he has his own stuff. He even went in our bedroom and stole all of DH's mint candies from his bedside table. At the time he had chocolate, cokes and candies of his own. I swear it must be a mental illness.

Because of what has gone on lately I am now in a place where I am NOT going to cover up his actions or fail to tell or warn others. I will make it quite plain to everyone what he is doing. His father (my DH) is also at the end of his rope. He is looking into getting SS out of the house earlier than was the plan. SS is behind 1 year in school plus doing 1 year extra in his technical education with metalwork, DH is looking at a scheme that will take him away from home and with him not doing that extra year but ending up with an equivalent qualification. Knowing our luck this won't work out but it's worth us looking into it.

There is no goodwill in our home anymore. All is under lock and key and its tiresome and stressfull Sad

Cooooookies's picture

"he gets a get out of jail free card because of his Hi functioning AS."

Yes!  All of this!  SS15 is high functioning AS and DH uses it as an excuse to let him do anything.  Like he can't be guided, taught, directed, encouraged.  No expectations, no rules, no responsibilities.  It's ridiculous.

I know SS15 knows better.  Because when he's grounded he does everything without being reminded or told.  Everything.  So he does know and IS capable.  It is maddening.  I'm so mad today I'm in tears and my dear sweet idiot husband is the root of the problem!  MADDENING!

Maria10's picture

When I started ss6 was but a toddler.

He was not being disciplined at all and was: smearing butter on the walls everynight, taking other peoples snacks food toys, biting and screaming when told no, waiting for everyone to fall asleep so he can run outside, whipping it out to pee in cups and tupperware in the sink.

Now after boundaries are in place(i was lucky he was so young when I married and DH allows me to discipline)

1. Asks permission for anything 2. Knows certain rooms are off limits and he does not go in there  3. Child locks on EVERY door just in case 4. He only has crayons and paints if supervised. 5. Puts away his trash and toys and washes hid hands 6. Goes to bathroom on his own. 7. Eats almost everything put in front of him. 

I am the only one who has consequences and clear boundaries. I am the only one who he behaves for. Discipline does work. Learning the difference between an AS meltdown and a oldfashioned tantrum is extremely helpful.