DH and I can’t converse without skids chiming in. It’s so annoying. I often tell SD to stfu in so many ways “oh wow we can’t even converse without someone interjecting”

Btw welcome

Hi, welcome.

Two things: you have a Husband issue and you have an attention starved kid. Perhaps disengaging might help you if you have a lot of resentment pent up, but since you are a primary caretaker like myself, I would not suggest it. It just isn't feasible to disengage from children that young while being with them nearly 98% of the time they are home and awake.

My advice to you would be to create a visual chart of the expectations you have for him. At his age he knows how they work as they use them in his classrooms. Tell your DH that if he isn't going to do anything about how his son lives/acts/behaves then he needs to send him to his other parent to do it for him. The kid is a sh!t because his dad is either too lazy or too impatient to deal with him after work. Well that is what kids are...exhaustingly persistent-so your DH needs to be coming home and asking your skid what face did he get on the behavior chart. If its a bad face then there should be an enforced consequence such as being punished from gaming or sleepovers or whatever is your skid's currency. You also need to be consistent with using the chart. It will only work if it is a constant reminder of cause-and-effect of behavior. And on the days he is exceptionally well behaved your DH should reward good behavior too. I think once you establish order in your house and your husband begins to manage his child then these other petty annoyances won't be as much. As for the kid being attention starved your DH needs to set aside time for the two of them one-on-one to go do something and then whenever he gets home your DH needs to get the kid off of him and tell him, I am talking to Cookie right now, I will there in a minute to ask you about your day, wait your turn....and the like. These are boundaries and manners he will only learn if your DH starts calling him out and corrects them. 

Children are defintely energy suckers, but thats kind of their job. I understand that its tough when its not your child and youhave a child of your own that needs attention. And when they squeeze you out or interrupt you to ask why the sky is sometimes blue and sometimes gray (google it!), it can get on your LAST nerve. That is why there is this really nifty invention called "Boundaries". When child interrupts, it is good to have a quick reply ready, to let child know the boundary, or when you need time with your sweety, or when child hangs on dadee. Dad needs to gently lift child off, every time and not encourage this.

Yikes, Holy Butt Patrol! well, you need to ask hubby to please engage child in discussion. Not much you can do when feral child doesnt want to be clean. It is absolutely important to find this kiddos currency, plus ow the heck does he get away with PJs when youve asked him to get himself dressed. No television for that one! 

The chart as mentioned above, and repercussions for bad behavior. Some kind of feedback loop. Boundaries! Kids need them, thrive on them!

Skids were the same here. No distinction between kids and adults. Interrupting, hogging the convo et.c. I told DH I wasn't used to that and it was rude etc. He actually agreed, but BM had this 'everyone is equal' mentality and gave them adult status. Took a while to change it, there was a lot of 'we are talking, wait please' before it sunk in. SD then 13 was very resentful about it bug then she resented every change that came about because of me. Tough.

Sounds like your SS is spoiled and centre of attention at Bm's. He wants your DH's attention all the time. The only thing your DH can do is correct his behaviour in a firm a d loving way and be consistent with it. No going out in pyjamas etc. He will get the message eventually. 

You two adults should not allow to be made miserable by a nine year old. Child lacks discipline that's all. Enforce rules for him to follow and acceptable behaviour. This child want's dad all to himself and doesnt acknowledge you and your bio child. Dad is wrong to allow him to interfere in your conversations and hugs. he has to tell him to respect your time alone and give you privacy. When ever he interrupts your conversation he should correct him right then and say "son! never interrupt adults when they are talking, whatever you have to say has to wait until they are done", next time he gives his dad a 10 minute hug dad should gently push him aside and tell him not to be selfish and give others a chance too! Leaving the child to do all that and not correcting him there and then will make him continue with his behaviour but if corrected in front of you like that, he will get the message that his behaviour is bad and unacceptable and he may even feel embarrassed and not do it again. 

If SS keeps bending rules then he needs to learn that his actions has consequences, find a way to punish him for example say no watching Tv all day! Children are intelligent beings if they see that the parents are soft or  weak and let them get away with their bad behaviour they will only get worse and try to control you. They need to be taught who is Boss in the house and whose rules apply and that bending the rules has a price.

Hi,

I have a 9 year old SS. His mom was never really around and no contact for 7 years now. Anyway he exhibited some of the same traits you described and still does at time. I have no bios. He use to always want to sit between me and SO and would try to be in the center of us hugging and what not.

I remember SO not hard at all but pushing him to the side a couple times saying I want to hug her and kiss her without you in the middle. Guess what it worked and now he is like any normal kid. When SO and I are hugging and kissing or sitting together on the couch he sits elsewhere or kinda near us. Once in a while he will say group hug and come over. Pretty routine normal things. You DH needs to set a clear boundary and keep repeating it. Once he shows you the wife attention than move on to the kids.

SS will cling to me sometimes and be loud and noisy and try to get attention from me and my SO. Part of that is the age these boys are at, they are out of the really little boy stage but not a teenager yet. They act weird and act goofy and do things you see as so odd. I look at SS sometimes like he has a horn and green eyes and is purple. If is not harming anything you simply ignore him and move on. If you engage him by correcting and yelling when he is being all attention seeking don't. Send him to his room to be alone.

As for the getting dressed thing. Simple say fine if you want to keep wearing PJs all the time and not put on clothes I will start buying you girly pajamas. If he does not believe you go to the thrift store find some and bring them home. If still does not believe you take his PJ's away leave only the girly ones. See what he does at that point. I know it sounds harsh but he is getting older and at an age you do not need to treat him like he is 5. Sometimes with certain kids you need to find that thing that value most and use that as punishment.

SS loves going to theme parks and riding roller coasters. His attitude in school was not up to par and I simple said it does not improve next marking period you will not go to any theme parks, that includes when everyone at daycare goes. I will make sure you are left behind. He had the best marking period all year. Some kids unfortunately respond to things like that. You have to figure out what his trigger is try different things. Maybe his is more positive reinforcement.