Am I setting myself up here??? Advice please.
Ive been married for 4 months now. We both have 3 bio kids from prev relationship. He also raised his ex-wife's daughter since she was 3. Because of court issues and evil bio mom hes not allowed to see his 2 younger kids daughter 14 and son 8. Bio mom has poisoned these kids hearts and minds against DH. His 14 year old calls him only to tell him how much she hates him ans how she wishes he was dead. Shes very hateful and nasty towards him. We had some issues with ex-sd trying to break us up, that didnt happen and now shes out of our lives. I have so much hate for ex-sd.
So now DH and I talk about having another baby and I think twice about it because if his 14 year old finds out hes having another baby she will hate him even more as it is she thinks DH doesnt love her. Knowing her ad her dirty mouth she will talk crap about the baby and as a mom that will bother me alot. I dont want to end up haing her like ex-sd. DH says that once she gets older and realizes that everything her mom said about him were lies she will start to come around, but what if shes created damage with her words to the point where I wont want her around me or my kids. I know I'm probably jumping too ahead but maybe cause I hear the way she talks to DH about me and shes never met me now I can imagine what she will be saying about the baby. My question is am I analyzing this situation too much and just go ahead with our plans? or its better if we just dont have one to avoid all this drama?
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I could personally never
I could personally never entertain the thought of having a baby w/my SO. He and I also have 3 kids each, and he already favors his kids over mine so much that the possibility, be it ever so slight, that he would favor his "current" kids over the "new" one w/me would send me over the edge.
Since that doesn't seem to be your concern, I am curious what "court issues" prevent him from seeing the 2 younger kids, b/c I don't get that. But I'm guessing that at some point, you're assuming they'll be a regular part of your life? In that case, I wouldn't worry about what a 14-year-old child said about your baby. As long as the baby isn't in any physical harm, if you wanna have a baby, I suppose you should go ahead and do it.
I will say, though, if things are already this f'ed up w/skids, I don't really know if that's the best emotional environment you want to bring a new child into...
He has a criminal record from
He has a criminal record from before he met bio mom but she used it against him in court. In our home we all get along great my kids love him and he sees them as his own. I have no doubt that the baby will be affected by any of this Im more concerned about my feelings towards her if she does say something. DH says let her talk all she wants shes just going by all the lies she hears from bio mom and one day she will apologize for everything.
The answer, then, is simple.
The answer, then, is simple. Refuse to care what she says.
If you and your dh have a
If you and your dh have a healthy, stable relationship/marriage and your kids are happy, do NOT let a disgruntled 14 year old dictate your decisions. This is your happiness and one day she will grow up and realize how nasty her mom and she is. My mom used to talk gobs of crap about my dad... and while he has done a ton of bad things I personally witnessed, I also learned how my mom used us as a tool against him. He still tries his best.
If you and hubby want a baby, by all means do so.