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And the disrespect continues....thanks to DH

CPaquette's picture

So....I posted about my SD19 (who is actually my DH's ex-SD from his first marriage) and how she left that huge mess the dog made for me to clean up and had actually taken the time to picture text me a big long message...then left the mess for me to tke care of when I got home from work -- even though she was home all day. You can read the last post about it...

So, anyway. the kid still hasn't contacted me to talk. She's just stayed at her Mom's (even though she lived with us for years) and my DH had said to her that she should fix things with me...but only in words. Otherwise, he's been taking her shopping...hanging out with her behind my back, etc. Is it only me or does that seem like behavior on his part that just lets her continue to act like a brat?

I told him how I felt. And that we are supposed to be a team, not divided like this. He thinks I am unreasonable. However, he seems to forget that she disrespected him as well considering she left our house trashed! Also, does it even matter? What happens to a wife happens to her husband. He should want to teach her to be a respectful person....especially of his wife. I mean really.

I am not being unreasonable by asking him to stop using OUR money and answering her every text about something she WANTS until she apologizes and some time has gone by. At this point, her behavior has been rewarded pretty much.

Headed for divorce court Sad

Comments

CPaquette's picture

We already do have a relationship. She lived with me ALONE for a time, when I didn't live with SD (before we moved in together). This is a pattern for her...she doesn't get her way at one house- jumps to the other. This is the deal with lots of Skids....

If I hadn't already established the bond with her, I wouldn't be hurt.....

You are right about the boundaries...I will work on those.

I know how "adult" children can be- I was a terrible teen. But I did have parents that worked on shaping me by reminding me that I had been disrespectful and also by not jumping at everything I asked for if it wasn't deserved...

I have called her and left a message letting her know that I am hurt by her behavior and that I do cherish our relationship and her hiding from me has been really upsetting...so I have taken it upon myself to try to work on the situation with her, not just put it on DH. I just feel that he should be backing me up...that's all. Not turning it into "You're putting me in the middle"

All he has to say is...have you talked to Matcha yet? Cuz if not, I have to say its hard for me to hang out right now. The family isn't right when you two aren't talking....

or something to that effect....

CPaquette's picture

Thanks for the support. It is tough....

I fully understand that Bio-mom will be no help---I expect nothing from her. But I DO expect my husband to back me up.

I am not waiting for the Sd's apology, but rather to feel supported by my husband.

Jsmom's picture

I think you need to disengage from her completely. Let him have a relationship with her and you don't need to hear about it or be involved in it. She is never going to apologize for her behavior. SD16 has done some horrible things and is no longer welcome in my home. The damage she did we still feel 2 years later with my marriage. DH texts her, but she is not welcome here. This works for me and it causes less stress.

melissity's picture

I'm so sorry you're going through that. Sad I am fortunate enough to have a DH that backs me up when his children show me disrespect (which didn't happen often and hasn't happened in a LONNNNNNG time). Granted the children are much younger, but he has made it crystal clear that if they do not show me the same respect they show him, there will be consequences. It makes me sad your DH won't back you up in a similar way.

I think Jsmom is right. I think you need to completely disengage from her. It sounds like she has no interest in having a relationship with you. Would you be comfortable telling DH you have no desire to be around her or have her in the house when you are present? I can't imagine how that feels, being caught in the middle like that. Sad

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