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The Wedding Bummer, or Poops-r-us

CLove's picture

We, Dh, Sd15 and I, attended a very large wedding together, deep in a sun-filled, oak studded valley.

SD22 Feral Forger was there with her two cousins she likes, ignoring her father, and myself of course, as expected, because hes just a "sperm donor" and I "took away her father".

But let me backtrack. I found out there was a wedding, and because Im not in the notification loop, it was a bit last minute. But we got time off for it. I texted SD15 in the morning, that I would be picking her up as DH was still doing a half day, and that she would be attending. She had knowledge of the wedding and when I asked she told me yes indeed Feral Forger would be there, and was pleasantly surprised that she would be going as well. Luckily she is on school break. Are you noticing a dysfunctional lack of communication trend yet?

Picking up SD15 was easy and trouble free. And then the stories come out. Feral Forger had plugged up the toilet at Toxic Trolls place and blame-shifted it onto Sd15. SD15 insisted she had not pooped or peed that much and had noticed a lot of tp previous to the plug. So, TT made her clean it and I got to hear the wonderful details of it and how she cried a lot during the whole business.

At the wedding, which took us 3 tries to find (again I am not in the notification loop and had to dig through some old texts to find it) the location, which was in a country-woodland location, we seated ourselves, and as the ceremony began, in trots Feral Forger and plops herself right in front of us. Her big head blocked our vision of the happy couple, and I could tell that Dh really was happy to see her. All she could say was "hi dad", and then ignored me of course the entire time.

I told him several times "you should go talk to her!". He tried a few times and she blew him off. Not even cordially. She was dancing and when we danced near, she danced off. I was making a  point. That I am not the reason she isnt having a  relationship with him. And if he wants to chase that, then have at it. And if she wants to treat us like dirt, well, she doesnt belong in my life. And there she was - proving my point. I told him that, and told him, she has ALWAYS treated me like sh!t and been mean to me - from shunning to outright calling me names while he sat back and let it happen. I did not hold back, friends. So now hes upset with me and my truth teling. And I am just upset having watched him try to chase her and watch him watching her. It made me sick to my stomach, truth be told. Oh and I did get a bitter-sounding "hi Clove" eventually. At least SD15 had fun talking to her cousins, battling over them with Freal Forger.

It was a beautiful wedding, however. Many happy returns to the couple, Dh's younger nephew, and his gorgous lovely lady, and best wishes to them for a bright future. They have no children from prior relationships and the way is clear to have their own family soon. Their union is fresh and full of the promise of many new wonderful memories. And my heart breaks for my crushed hopes for a happy future that will go unfulfilled...

 

Comments

JRI's picture

You know the drill, Clove.  We have all had our hopes of the happy blended family crushed.  It's a fantasy that's hard to give up.  It's also tough to realize that someone harbors a hatred for us that is not deserved.  These are quite difficult truths to absorb.

It's also very hard to know that our DH still loves their obnoxious, disturbed child in the face of that child's evil actions.  Its so hard to disengage from all this when we want vindication, loyalty and apologies.  Disengagement is our only refuge from all this, Clove, tough as it is.

I'm glad your relations with Munchkin are still okay.  And, it sounds like a nice wedding.

CLove's picture

Disengage - I know. It was a really anxious day, and all the while trying to be happy for the new couple.

You are right. He still loves that disgusting pig of a loser waste of space hateful hurtful person. And I am the one that gets to deal with it all.

caninelover's picture

JRI's advice is spot-on here.  

The wedding sounds lovely - hopefully you were able to enjoy most of it without letting the anxiety get in the way.  Was your anxiety related to seeing FF, or completely unrelated to that?

CLove's picture

DH blamed me because I THOUGHT I knew where it was. I was the one that found out there even WAS a wedding. But we went to three different locations, I found a buried text, and then his sister also confirmed the location. All three locations were within 10 miles of each other. So I got an earful, even before we got there. Just total snotty snarky comments full of anger and blame. And I was already feeling anxiety. She wasnt THAT bad, just treating Dh like dirt and ignoring him when he tried appraoching her. Ive always been "the shunned one" so it wasnt too bad being shunned by her, there were 300 other folks to talk to.

I did enjoy myself - I was able to talk with different folks and they were all really really nice.

hereiam's picture

How did you find out about the wedding, if you were not in the loop?

So, your husband got the communication about the wedding and where it was, but he was mad at YOU?

 

CLove's picture

Als, I was texting his sister about something, and she mentioned "oh we will see you next tuesday at the wedding", and I went "WHAT? What wedding?"

And it went from there. We had RSVPed somehow last year...and it was from an app that I am not familiar with, and Im thinking it must have been texted to him and we did it together on his phone. Im trying to figure out where it got lost...nothing is in my emails...

He got zero communications from anyone, and he excused himself from family thread.

And YEAH he was mad at me.

caninelover's picture

It sounds like the wedding was his side of the family though - wouldn't he be the one who should know the details?  Sheesh!!!

CLove's picture

But he is so accustomed to me taking care of everything, he relies on me heavily for this stuff too.

I need to disengage from all this.

CLove's picture

Ive been speaking to my Dad (stepdad) about this whole thing. He agrees with me and tells me that I need to really take care of myself and that the reason marriages dont survive is because people put their children prioritised ahead of the marriage.

Livingoutloud's picture

He doesn't treat his children much better than you though. In your case prioritizing children is just not an issue. He neglects SD and leaves you to take care of her. That's not prioritizing children. It's prioritizing himself. He is very selfish and tends to be very unkind towards you. Nothing to do with his kids 

caninelover's picture

It would be one thing if he was reasonable and understanding if things go a little awry - but if he's going to yell at you for not keeping track of the wedding location for HIS family - then I would stop doing it altogether.

CLove's picture

Im definitely stopping.

CLove's picture

I had anxiety all day. And all the things wrong in my life were in full display.

Like having my nose rubbed in Feral Forgers poope, much like Sd15 had her elbows in the poop.

Disengage! I know. But its really hard...

Livingoutloud's picture

do these people never send invitations? You found out there is a wedding and went to it? Oh I see they did send an invitation but your DH forgot about the wedding? I'd not bother going. He blamed you you didn't know where the wedding was? Why are you allowing this dysfunction rule your life???

MissK03's picture

I'm confused about the whole invitation thing but anyways...

Stop keeping track of everything. Seriously stop. Stop showing him SDs grades, tracking his family events etc.  He apparently needs to be taught simple tasks like putting events in (I am assuming) smart phone. YouTube does wonders.

Does he have any social media where he has logins and passwords? Because that all he needs to do most of the stuff he holds YOU accountable for..

Livingoutloud's picture

I suspect he was in the bad mood because he didn't care about the wedding. Clearly he showed no interest. Now he was told he had to go, didn't even know where. Like what was the point.